Note: If you've spent the last ten months off the grid, living in a shelter made from fallen tree branches while maintaining a diet of wild berries and pine needle tea, please, stop reading this post now.
"Jon Snow is dead."
We've heard it consistently from everyone involved with HBO's Game of Thrones. However, the majority of the public, myself included, is having a hard time swallowing this pill. Returning from death's door is a common occurrence in fantasy stories, so there's still a sliver of hope that the 998th Lord Commander will come back somehow, right? Right? RIGHT??
For better or worse, we should get an answer this Sunday...or at least later this season. And if Jon really is dead, like the showrunners and trailers have indicated, it's going to be pretty soul-crushing.
Here are a few things that might help your grieving process:
- When leaving work, tell your boss without emotion: "And now my watch has ended."
- Head to a thrift store and fashion a cape from a black faux fur coat. Drape it around your shoulders whenever you go out in public as a sign of remembrance (yes, it's almost summer so there's a good chance you might pass out from heat stroke, but if the hipsters can wear flannel shackets and beanies in the same heat you'll be fine).
- Give brooding, ominous answers to the most mundane questions: Q: "How was your weekend?" A: "It matters not what was, only what is to come."
- Send your dog to the office and tell your co-workers you're just "Warging from home."
And if you simply refuse to accept Jon's death you can:
- Hold a memorial service in a heavily wooded area and pray to the Old Gods of the Forest for his return.
- Convince George R.R. Martin to introduce a strangely familiar character in his final two books named Don Crow.