Unless we have lived a completely charmed life, most of us have suffered a heart break, or several, during the course of our lives. There are times we have handled it well, and times that we have not pulled ourselves together in a timely fashion we were proud of. There is nothing wrong with a good cry, with finding closure in some way, with getting our feelings out so we can move on. What we don't want is not being willing to accept it. Writing, texting, e-mailing and showing up to see our ex. Nor do we want to isolate for months on end with a gallon on ice cream and movies that give us a good cry about completely unrealistic relationships that cannot possibly be obtained. So where is the happy medium? How do we cope with a broken heart?
You are allowed to have a few cathartic cries. As much as they are difficult to go through, we usually feel an emotional release once we have finished them. The important piece here is the appropriate time and place. We cannot be breaking down at our desk at work, or waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store. We are stronger and more capable than we think. We can tell ourselves, "I know you need to get this out, but I should wait until I get home so that I can allow myself the time and space I need."
If ever there was a time to practice good self-care, it is now. Get enough sleep, pamper yourself, and do activities that you enjoy. Being good to yourself means different things to each person. It can mean hitting the gym to work out those feelings and producing some mood enhancing endorphins. It can be watching a humorous TV or movie marathon. Laughter is actually a huge natural healer, and usually a great sign that you are on the road to recovery. Not to mention that laughter actually reduces cortisol (our stress hormone), and boosts our immune system. Prolonged stress breaks down the immune system, and increases cortisol. This leaves us susceptible to illness and an unhealthy body. Go for a massage or manicure pedicure. Take a mental health PTO day from work and do something fun with a friend.
It is important to stay busy, or practice "grounding." Grounding is a set of techniques we can use to distract and calm ourselves anywhere and anytime. The beauty is that no one knows you are using them. I suggest you look them up to find examples that work well for you. Staying busy with activities and people you enjoy also serves to keep you preoccupied and content. The more of this you do, the less time you spend dwelling on your break up, and the faster you start to move forward with your life. Not to mention, these activities serve to show you that life does go on, and you are capable of enjoying yourself more than you would have thought possible when the break up was fresh.
I think one of the most important things to remember is to be kind and patient with yourself. There is no formula for how long it takes to move past someone, or to be ready to date again. We are all unique, and we all heal in different ways, and at different rates. So often, people hold themselves to this imaginary standard of how long it should take, and what they should be capable of doing In terms of fully moving on. You will know when you are ready, or when the right person comes along for you to be willing to take that chance again. If you follow these few simple tips and techniques, you should be able to heal in a healthy and timely fashion, all without supporting the junk food industry!