In the words of the famed eighties band Abba, "breaking up is never easy I know, but I have to go." Those are the last words we think after losing someone we love.
As a child of divorce, it's never been easy opening up and being vulnerable in new romantic relationships because I guard my emotions and avoid heart break. I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to experience a traumatic break up, and I don't want to go through what my parents went through.
After I broke up with my first lover, I was heartbroken. I thought I would never fall in love ever again and no one would ever like me back. By learning the hard way, I learned that happiness is not determined by whether or not I'm in a romantic relationship.
We put ourselves in a compromising position when we fall in love. We risk losing the person we fall in love with. Some of us take this so far that we never end up in any romantic relationships because we don't want to get hurt.
Whether you're single or in a relationship, the most important relationship we will have for the rest of our lives is the relationship we have with ourselves. You are the only person you will be with on a consistent, day-to-day basis from the day you were born to the day you leave this earth. In order to get over a break-up when you're feeling heart broken, you need to prioritize the relationship you have with yourself. This is done through self care.
Self care means you treat yourself like the happiest of couples treat each other: with love, respect, and unequivocal gratitude.
Let's break this down:
What does love feel like? Warm, fuzzy, comforting, and safe? Whatever love feels like to you, do activities that make you feel loved. Go get a massage. Treat your body with love by taking a bath, light a candle and drink a glass of wine. Give yourself a present and tell yourself how smart and beautiful you are when you wake up in the morning. Go take a hike. Eat chocolate. By ourselves, we should do all of the same things you we do in romantic relationships. Learn to love yourself more than you love anything or anyone on the face of the planet. Not out of selfishness, but because you deserve to feel good.
Your mind and your body together is a temple. We hear this all of the time in our yoga classes and in personal development books. Now is the time, more than ever, to embrace these words. The words you think and the food you feed yourself need to be quality. Just like we would never demoralize a loved one or throw trash on the floor in a temple, you should never call yourself unattractive or eat junk food just because you're not in a relationship. You treat your flesh, skin, and bones like the most respected temples that have ever been built on our planet. Why? Because you and your soul are sacred.
Give thanks for what you do have. A roof over your head, food to eat, and clean water. Not everyone in the world has these simple blessings. While losing a relationship is never easy, we need to remind ourselves of what we do have. By reminding ourselves of what we have and what we are grateful for, we come back to living from a place of compassion and positive feelings.
It's been more than two years since I broke up with the first love of my life and not a day goes by that I don't think about what he's doing or what we could have been if we stayed together. Instead of staying in a place of heartbreak, I've grown to a place where I keep a special place in my heart for him.
Even when we lose people that we cherish, it doesn't mean that we have to abandon the way they made us feel when we were with them. We can keep a small space for them in our hearts and make space for a new romantic relationship. A relationship that will be better, higher quality, and loving. But before we can enter into this relationship, we need to practice self care. We need to love ourselves more than we have ever loved anyone else on the face of the planet.
Are you ambitious and ready to fall in love with yourself? Click here to discover how you can break free from stress and start taking care of yourself.