The Four-Word Mantra That Changed My Life After Divorce

The Four-Word Mantra That Changed My Life After Divorce

If there's ever a time you need a little distraction in your life, it's during the divorce process. That's why we launched our Divorce Care Package series. With each post, we'll show you what things -- books, movies, recipes -- helped others relieve stress in the midst of divorce, in the hopes that a few of their picks will serve you well, too. Want to share what got you through your divorce? Email us at or tweet @HuffPost Divorce

When Kat Forsythe’s marriage of 33 years ended, she expecting to feel a sense of freedom.

Instead, she felt desperate, guilty, fearful and jealous. To combat those unwanted feelings, she created a six-step plan to starting over in her 50s.

“That plan saved my life,” said Forsythe, an author, coach, speaker and HuffPost blogger who now helps clients reinvent themselves at mid-life.

Below, you'll find the eight things that helped the writer pull through her divorce, though she said the most essential thing to moving on is weeding through your group of friends and reaching out to those you can depend on.

“Let the ones who drain you go," she advised. "You don’t have time for negative energy. How can you tell who they are? Listen to your gut.”

The Song
"After 33 years of marriage, I didn’t expect a cataclysmic divorce. I needed to know there was hope and sanity ahead of me. The Rolling Stone's 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' was my song. I played it at the highest decibels I could stand. 'You can’t always get what you want … but sometimes you get what you need.' Immortal wisdom. Mr. Jagger and the boys helped me 'get it.' They were right: when one door closed, a bigger adventure began."
The Mantra
"My daughter said I needed to remember this phrase. This saying gave me confidence, direction and ownership when I felt lost. To combat the despair of wandering in the wilderness of new single-hood totally without a compass, I would repeat this mantra four times. Each time, I emphasized a different word. I said it even when I didn’t believe it at all. Amazingly, it always helped!"
The Car
Kat Forsythe
"I had a bright yellow Porsche 911 Cabriolet and my antidote for stress was competing in autocross (Granted, I always came in last). Managing the twists, turns, and speed completely took me out of the divorce doldrums for an afternoon. Confession: I also took the car out on Interstate 10, revved it up to about 120 miles per hour, and played 'He Had It Comin' from the musical Chicago as loudly as I could. It was great."
The Book
"The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron was the book I needed after my split. Her 'morning pages,' an exercise to write three pages every day, forced me out of bed when I wanted to hide from the world. I dumped my fears and hopes into a journal and that freed me. I faced the rest of the day with self-confidence and a belief that I would not just survive, but thrive."
The Movie
"This is my all-time favorite oldie but goodie. 'Top Gun' had it all -- hot men, enough tragedy to make me cry, a strong woman, heart-pounding action, and a central character who gets knocked down, almost gives up and comes back wiser and more seasoned. It’s the hero’s journey that the teacher Joseph Campbell talked about. This movie helped me realize that I could go through this valley of darkness and come out OK on the other side."
The Photo
Kat Forsythe
"Yep, I put a photo of myself wearing a clown nose on the refrigerator. The message was simple: 'Lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously.'"
The Bar
Cheyenne L Rouse via Getty Images
"I can’t let this one pass! Risky Business is a sports bar in Tucson where I met my secret, sexy confidante during my divorce. Great name, eh?"
The Retreat
"One week at this life-changing, elegant spa outside Tucson called Miraval taught me skills in mindfulness (staying in the moment) that kept me from dwelling on the 'what ifs' and the feeling trepidation about my future. Whenever I began to lose self-confidence, my meditation guru taught me to say to myself, 'Will the Kat that can best handle this please step up!' It worked every time and it still does today."

Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter here.

Before You Go

Susan Sarandon

Celebs Talk Single Life

Do you have info to share with HuffPost reporters? Here’s how.

Go to Homepage

MORE IN Divorce