How To Get Someone You Like To Open Up

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This article was originally published on MG International on September 27, 2017.

While out with a group of girlfriends the other day, the topic of men and conversations came up. Apparently, they don’t mesh well. At least, not according to my single friends.

One of my girlfriends, in particular, said that the men she talks to have a hard time holding conversations. That got the other ladies going and the consensus ended up being that men had a hard time coming up with anything meaningful to say.

But, this complaint actually goes both ways.

I’ve heard guys complain that women don’t know what to talk about and that they ramble on and on with no point.

Of course, this isn’t true for everyone, but let’s be honest…it is for many.

It’s easy to fix though. You just need a few anchors and pointers to help you make a connection with the person you’re interested in.

Here are tips for sparking and holding a conversation with someone you like:

#1 – Find one thing in common: When meeting someone for the first time, make a connection by finding something that the two of you immediately have in common. This helps to break down barriers. Can’t think of anything? How about that the two of you are at this one particular place at the same time? That’s something that the two of you have in common. Start there and see where it goes.

#2 – Ask open-ended questions: Don’t let the conversation end before it ever gets started. That’s what happens when you ask questions that only require a one or two word answer. Instead, ask open-ended questions that gets the other person talking. If they still manage to only give two word answers, try reframing the question, or move on to another one. Some people aren’t used to holding conversations and may not know exactly what to say.

#3 - Share stories about yourself: Stories have been used to capture audiences’ attention since the beginning of time. If you share stories about yourself, this will help them to feel comfortable opening up and talking to you.

FRIENDLY REMINDER: Within the first 6 seconds of meeting someone, an impression of you is formed. Be mindful of this! If you’re pretending outwardly to be something you’re not (driving a nice car, expensive drinks, handbags etc.) and while you’re sharing about yourself, it comes out that you’re living beyond your means or pretending; this will immediately turn your love interest off.

#4 – Smile: While holding a conversation, remember to smile. Smiling allows the other person to let down their defenses. This way you’re more approachable and easier to talk to.

#5 – Touch: Touch is a very powerful gesture. Alone it can do wonders. While talking to the person that you’re interested in, gently touch their shoulder, their arm or their hand. This lets them know you’re into them.

Because conversations are a two way street, they have to feel comfortable talking to you as much as you feel comfortable talking to them. Put forth your best effort, use the tips above, and you should see a major difference in how well you connect with the opposite sex!

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