Years ago I stumbled across a book called Psycho-Cybernetics written by a plastic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz. Women and men would come into his office swearing that their big nose, minimally endowed chest, or vicious scar made them ugly-- that it was ruining their lives and killing their hopes and dreams.
They swore that plastic surgery would solve their problems, make their lives worth living, or help them achieve all they ever dreamed of. So Maxwell Maltz performed nose jobs, breast augmentations, and scar removals left and right. Some were pleased with the results, but most came back still internally distraught.
Maltz would hold up a mirror during the post-op checkup and show the new-nosed woman his handywork (the new nose she had begged him for, the nose she showed a picture of to emulate, the nose that was supposedly the answer to her problems)....
But instead of feeling ecstatic with his work, she was distraught, deflated, and still self-loathing.
When she looked in the mirror, even though she was staring at a completely different reflection, she STILL saw the same thing. She STILL thought she had a big nose. She STILL felt ugly and saw that "ugly" in the mirror.
Same thing happened to the guy with the scar and the woman who now had a more well-endowed set of breasts.
Maltz soon realized that their body "shortcomings" weren't the real problem....
It was their mind. It was their perception of their body that was really doing the damage to their Self-Image.
He realized that if he really wanted to help people on the whole-- to really fulfill his role as a doctor to the core -- he had to figure out the other side of it.
He wanted to figure out what was going on (or not going on) inside their minds that created such distorted perceptions and such skewed versions of reality.
So he researched and poured his heart n' soul into it and came up with what is now referred to as "Psycho Cybernetics"-- the Science of the Self-Image.
Soon people were coming to him with typical plastic surgery requests, but instead of operating right away, he would offer them great prices and deals if they complied to his requests:
"Go practice these mental training exercises for the next 30 days, and if you still want the surgery, I'll give you the special deal".
Shortly thereafter he moved away from the world of plastic surgery and focused his efforts on sharing "Psycho Cybernetics" with the rest of the world up until the day he died.
I've probably read this book about 10 different times now, and every time I do, I extract a new nugget of wisdom. Or I simply see something that I didn't see before.
Bottom line though: his work is what made me realize that (for me) it would never matter how "skinny", "successful", or "accomplished" I was. If I didn't change how I was seeing myself on the inside, nothing I created on the outside would even matter.
That's because I was (and always will be) searching for a feeling. And nothing outside of ourselves can make us feel how we want to feel on the inside. Maybe it will for a little while, but after that wears off, you'll always end up right back at your default. That default IS your Self-Image.
So now I turn it over to you:
Where are you still looking for something outside of you -- going after weight loss, dieting, making more money, attaining some quantifiable or "shiny object" -- without ever addressing the cause that's coming from the inside?
Because I will tell you this with the utmost certainty:
As long as you continue addressing everything outside yourself or outside of your body, you''ll continue to use the THINKING of the "same brain that created the problem".
That means you'll continue to walk around with the same Self-Image, the same Self-Esteem, and the same Body-Image.
More importantly you'll have the same internal conversations and the same BodyTalk.
And until that shifts, change will continue to be short-lived, temporary, and ever-fleeting. More of the same will go IN, and more of the same outcomes will come OUT.
Sure...the tactics, the quantifiables, and the modalities might change. But the THINKING will be exactly the same.
You love yourself (and anything) to the degree that you are caring, connecting, and accepting. And if changing your body, losing some weight, or making more money will make you feel any of those things, then by all means, go for it -- I support anything that will truly make you a better version of yourself...
But don't forget to change the INSIDE as well as the OUTSIDE while you go.
Go in the direction of love on your way there -- not in the direction of self-loathing, non-stop guilt, shame, blame, and comparing yourself to anything or anyone BUT yourself.
Love your body happy. Love your body healthy. Love yourself happy!
Because then....you get to actually be HAPPY!
If I could go back and tell my younger self, my 'fat' self, or my 'ignorant' self any advice, it would be this:
Don't just change how you look on the OUTSIDE. Change how you feel on the INSIDE.
Those aren't just some fancy shmancy words I'm using to make a point or sound insightful. It's what I know to be true. And it's all I want for you too.
Leanne Ellington is an author, a mad scientist, a storyteller, an ambidextrous hoolah-hooper, and wholeheartedly believes that peanut butter should become the fifth food group. Although her 100 lb. weight loss was her main career driver initially, major spine surgery and the face-off between her "fat head" and "skinny head" led her down the road of neuroscience, and she became a spokeswoman for women all over the world shunning "body image as usual".
She built her career off the back of her deepest personal struggles, and now she helps women take a brain-based approach to overcoming theirs. She's creator of the School for Self Care where she helps women break up with the thoughts that are holding them back, and get their mind, body, brain, and heart on the same team. She also makes a mean batch of chocolate chip cookies. You can connect with her over at http://www.LeanneEllington.com