Social anxiety is more than just being shy. Someone can be so uncomfortable in a situation he or she becomes panicked or frozen.
For the 15 million American men and women who do experience the condition, the holidays may feel especially fraught. The weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s can fill up quickly with events and work parties. And while the idea of going to some or all of these gatherings is enough to make someone with social anxiety clam up, experts agree that sometimes it really is in a person’s best interest to go. Avoidance can only exacerbate a mental health issue.
We chatted with a couple of psychologists for the best tactics to prepare, attend and then rebound from the party that might make you extremely nervous or anxious to attend. Read on to learn what they had to say:

Ask the barista how his or her morning is going, or ask someone on the street for directions to certain place. Then make an effort to only focus on your subject's reply.
"This type of practice is important," Warren told The Huffington Post. "Keep turning your attention back to the person you are talking to and then really focus on listening rather than planning in your head what you are going to say next."
People who experience social anxiety have a tendency to retreat into self-defeating thoughts, such as, "I look so silly right now" or "I am incompetent," and experience a heightened sense of worry, Warren explained. Concentrating on exactly what someone is saying to you is an effective way to prevent that thought process from rolling.

"Mind-reading, one of the most common cognitive distortions, is when we assume that other people are thinking negatively about us," Warren said. "We should switch our attention back to what is going on in reality."
If you start to think that others are evaluating you in a negative light, stop and tether yourself to the present moment. Think about what you're wearing. Concentrate on the conversation that's actually occurring. Feel your feet planted on the floor.
Mindfulness, at its core, is really just pinning yourself to real life. And when you're in the present moment, you can't be anywhere, or think of anything else.

"Drinking is rewarding and can reduce anxiety," said Keith Humphreys, a psychiatrist and professor at Stanford University School of Medicine. "It's very easy to do it if you are feeling kind of squirrelly, but your worst feelings are realized when you turn out to be a memorably bad guest."

Warren suggests visiting a websites like selfcompassion.org in the weeks leading up to the party you are feeling anxious over. The site offers free 20-minute exercises where you'll learn how to take better note of your emotions and how to talk to yourself the same way you would to a friend. (Heads up: It's often far more gentle and kind.)


To rebound after a holiday party, write down the good things you did at the party in a self-compassion journal. Perhaps you accomplished the goal of saying hello to the host, or maybe you bonded with a coworker at the office party. Write down what you did and apply compassion to yourself regardless of how well you think you performed. Research shows that self-compassion is a key component to managing social anxiety.
Ultimately it’s important to remember that everyone experiences different levels of anxiety or jitters when it comes to certain situations, but healthy coping techniques can be the antidote. You’re not alone.