The most important thing to remember when your heart gets broken is to be gentle with yourself. Know that it is going to take time to heal. If your heart was wide open in the relationship, the hole that it leaves will be equally great. But remember that as you are kind to yourself, and truly tender, the void will start to heal -- no matter how big -- day-by-day, step-by-step, breath-by-breath.
And, breath-by-breath is a good place to start. Especially in the first days and weeks of a breakup, we are so raw. It is an enormous loss. It can feel like a little death. To heal, you have to allow yourself to go through the stages of grieving. You need to take little steps at first.
You will see; you will love again. But in the meantime, you can take advantage of this time to do some important healing work on yourself. Like learning to love you more. The more you can love yourself, the greater the love you can experience in the future.
It takes time to heal a broken heart. So don't be in a hurry. Time really does heal all wounds. And it's worth taking this time. If there is unfinished emotional business from an old relationship, it can spill over into our next one. So, it's important to clear our hearts. It's like cleaning out a closet. You have to take everything out -- all the feelings -- and see what you really want to keep, and also, what you can let go of.
Say to yourself, "I forgive myself for everything. I forgive everyone for everything." This is the mantra I often offer to my students going through changes or loss. It is a powerful affirmation that helps clear your emotional psychic field. This phrase will heal the wounds between the two of you. By saying these two sentences you are consciously releasing the relationship in the highest possible way -- with love -- and then you are both free.
Here are the four steps for healing the heart:
1. Be kind to yourself. With every breath you take, be gentle and loving to yourself.
Let yourself rest and heal.
2. Be patient. Take your time. Realize that healing your heart is a process.
3. Understand what happened. And learn from it. Write down your feelings.
Talk about your feelings.
4. Forgive yourself. Forgive them too. This is how you will truly heal.
Healing your heart is a process. It is not s a single act, but a matter of healing, over time, in the spirit of love, understanding and forgiveness.
Finally, know that you will love and be loved again.
I promise.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION - www.DianaLang.com