You know what gets weirder the more you think about it? Getting up to go to the bathroom when you're carrying (*whispers*) a tampon.
It was determined long ago, probably by some man, that revealing a tampon anywhere between the innermost pocket of your handbag and the relative safety of a bathroom stall is "awkward." And as we know, misfortune will rain upon anyone who improperly conceals her feminine hygiene products, lest it be known that you have a uterus. Skies will darken. Crops will wither. A plague of killer bees will descend upon your home and take up residence in every last pair of shoes -- even in the bunny slippers you just wear around the house because no one sees you there.
Whether you let slip the fact that you're (*uses morse code*) on your period shouldn't matter whatsoever, but such is a woman's burden. Oh well!
Below, please find nine of our favorite ways to bring a tampon into the bathroom completely unnoticed, so you can rest easy knowing that no one suspects you are a female human.* Good luck out there!
Hide tampon up a long sleeve.
Slip tampon into uncomfortably tight jeans pocket.
Conceal tampon in a sweater folded neatly over the arm.
"The Half Marathoner"
Slip tampon into shoe.
"The Full Marathoner"
Hide tampon in water bottle.
"The Pinch Hitter"
Tape tampon to underside of baseball cap.
"The Binge Reader"
Hollow out a favorite book in which to hide a tampon.
"The Long Con"
Slip into bathroom in the dead of night and tape box of tampons to back of toilet for future use.
"The Snow White"
Befriend a small woodland creature with a penchant for hiding small objects.
* Being a female human rocks and this is a joke.
Words by Sara Boboltz; Illustrations by Eva Hill.