Resentment builds when we are not real with people. It can be an accumulation of small things, until eventually the slightest event triggers an explosive reaction. What can we do? We can say what we feel in the moment.
Speaking our truth is one of the hardest things to do. Telling people - especially the people we love and admire - that we are upset with them, is extremely difficult. We are afraid of losing their approval and love. But when we do not say what is happening, the irritation is stored inside us adding to other resentments that we have repressed.
These stored emotions become an energy barrier that prevents love from circulating freely. When we see the person we unconsciously remember those moments, and instead of being present accepting the person as they are now, we focus on what is wrong. The spontaneity of the relationship disappears. If we pretend to be kind, it is just a performance where true love is hard to find. However, if we face the fear of rejection and say what we really feel, our transparency makes us free and enables us to let go of the resentment. Appreciation and innocence can be restored to the relationship.
Many relationships disintegrate over time out of fear, with both people hiding what they feel. The result? Two people who are physically close, but emotionally distant.
Develop a loving relationship with yourself.
The need to receive approval comes from our need for acceptance and love. Once we lose the ability to accept ourselves as we are, we start to worry about what others think. To change this, we must go inside and look at ourselves. There are many ways to do this including meditation or focusing on being present? I teach the facets of my system which is what worked for me. The important thing is that we begin to pay less attention to what we are told and listen to the voice of our own heart.
Feel your emotions
Young children do not accumulate resentment precisely because of this. They feel everything, without "filtering" what they should or should not express. And they continuously see everything afresh: every moment is new, full of possibilities and feeling. As we grow older, we learn to judge certain emotions as "bad", and inadvertently they become our constant subconscious companions. Allow yourself to be angry, to feel sad. Resentment and bitterness about the past begins to dissipate and you recover the magic and the innocent wonder of childhood.
Always choose to give
Resentment comes from the feeling of lack: feeling mistreated, not respected, or hurt in some way. When you feel that way, choose to give, and you immediately focus on abundance: on what you have, rather than what is wrong or what you lack. This is a very powerful way to change your focus, from lack to appreciation.
Resentment is an illusion which prevents us from being able to enjoy the beauty of the present moment. But life is too precious, too full of excitement and opportunities, for us to remain stuck in the past. Use these simple steps to experience the freshness of the here and now, and you will find yourself free of resentment.
Isha Judd is an Australian humanitarian spiritual teacher based in Latin America, author of “Love Has Wings” and “Why Walk When You Can Fly?”. Watch “Why Walk When You Can Fly?” on itunes. Her website is www.ishajudd.com. Watch more movies and inspiring videos at isha.tv
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