How To Make Time For Family Dinners, And When To Just Take A Break

There's a middle ground between preparing healthy meals and grabbing Happy Meals every night.
Look familiar?
SolStock via Getty Images
Look familiar?

If it seems like all you do is prep, cook, do dishes, repeat, you most certainly need a break. Cooking at home can be fulfilling, but your parenting plate is more than full with pandemic responsibilities and decision-making. It’s time to regroup and make time for what matters most so that you can relax and enjoy your family without all the looming kitchen chores.

There is a middle ground between preparing healthy, home-cooked meals and grabbing Happy Meals every night. We talked to parenting and time management experts about how to balance putting family values first, while also getting dinner on the table.

Avoid distraction

Syndicated columnist Aisha Sultan starts her day listing the three things that absolutely must get done. To resist the impulse of distraction, she uses the Pomodoro Technique. “I set a timer and work for 25 minutes at a time, then take a short five-minute break,” she said. “It’s surprising how quickly I can tackle difficult tasks, and once I’ve started, it’s easier to keep working.”

If making dinner is on your afternoon to-do list, following this schedule could help you find more time to make it.

Consider a time makeover

“There are 168 hours per week,” time management guru Laura Vanderkam said. “Many of us have no idea where big chunks of our time go. We especially underestimate how we spend leisure time.”

Vanderkam proposes logging how you spend your hours in one week. “By tracking your time, a mindfulness emerges,” she said. “You can see what’s working with your schedule and what’s not, then choose to spend less time on stuff you don’t care about.” She also suggests challenging yourself to spend 30 minutes per day doing more of what you want.

Start on Friday

Many people have a hard time winding down from work on Saturday, then spend Sunday worrying about the week ahead. Vanderkam has some advice for avoiding the so-called Sunday scaries: “Plan your upcoming week on a Friday. Then you’re not thinking about it all weekend.” This can include planning your meals and making a grocery list to have handy next time you pass by your supermarket.

Reflect on your day with a five-minute journal session

Sultan, who writes about balance and building stronger relationships as parents, recommends daily five-minute journaling sessions to reflect and help you focus on what matters most.

To make it easy, she uses the Notes app on her phone and labels one “Gratitude and Abundance.” “The positive heading makes me want to spend the time on it,” she said.

Sultan writes down one person she is grateful for, the most meaningful moment of the day, and if she spent time doing positive things for her health like exercising, choosing certain foods, or meditating or praying. “It helps me see what moments create meaning and who and what I appreciate about each day,” she said. Her research on the science behind positive mental health strategies shows that these things add to one’s overall health.

Look for small moments

During the pandemic, I needed break from the house. I got in the car and drove to the most beautiful place I could think of, the cove near my home in San Diego. While there, enjoying the sunlight and cold water between my toes, I realized I was missing time in nature. I also realized my whole family could benefit from this. This simple act created the idea of mini-vacations. Every Thursday, I skip cooking and gather up what’s easy: leftover pizza, dips and veggies, whatever! Our family transports it as a picnic to the cove. This ritual gives us a bit of sanity and beauty midweek ― time to reconnect with each other and nature. For us, the same place, same time routine built a habit we can stick with.

This is ... not the safest scenario. If you're going to make a family dinner, take the time to plan ahead so you're not holding the baby over a stockpot.
Westend61 via Getty Images
This is ... not the safest scenario. If you're going to make a family dinner, take the time to plan ahead so you're not holding the baby over a stockpot.

Sultan, mother to a high schooler and college-aged student, makes time in the kitchen meaningful by teaching her son how to prepare traditional Pakistani dinners.

“In this transitional year after lockdown, I look for small moments,” she said. “It’s about being available to my children and spouse and giving them options, respecting their time and space. I try to remember we’re all trying to get through this time. It brings a sense of perspective to be gentle with my family members.”

To be sure family time is honored and well spent, Vanderkam puts one little adventure, one big adventure, and one-on-one time with each child on her calendar each week.

Meal-Prep Cheat Sheet

Prepared meals from the grocery store

To strike a balance between living up to her mother’s legacy of amazing home-cooked meals and her busy life, Sultan sometimes relies on pre-packaged meals.

“It’s a hard standard to live up to. I know I live in a very different reality,” Sultan said. She shops at Trader Joe’s for healthy prepared meals, paying attention to fat and sodium content. “And I always serve a veggie, something that’s quick to prepare, whether steamed, frozen or a salad,” she added.

Meal kits

Vanderkam has five kids ranging in age from 2 to 14, and her family eats dinner together around three times a week. They use meal kits for two of those nights, so no one has to plan or shop.

A few standbys and handy kitchen tools

Plan your meals around your family’s activities. Soccer night is perfect for the slow cooker. Having a go-to meal rotation saves time and energy, plus it makes stocking up on groceries easier.

“Have a few back-pocket meals,” Vanderkam recommended. “Something you don’t have to think about that comes together quickly.” Breakfast for dinner is regular fare in her world, and her go-to appliance is a griddle for making stacks of pancakes more quickly for her crew.

Sultan regularly uses an Instant Pot for soups and curries on weeknights, and she called her air fryer “so handy.”

Share the responsibility

Of course, kitchen duty shouldn’t always fall on one person’s shoulders. Both Sultan and Vanderkam have husbands who share in grocery shopping. (“It’s even better when he takes the toddler with him,” Vanderkam said.)

As for me, I see time in the kitchen as a training ground for adulthood for my tween and teen.

Before You Go

A daily five-minute journal with prompts and places to reflect

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