“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.” ~ Mary Pickford
It’s so easy to be hung up about past failures, fears that the same things may happen again, or on regrets of big and small mistakes, and the list goes on and on. But really, it all starts right now, the past doesn't matter any longer and you're becoming someone else. Give yourself time, and a chance.
Everything in your life up onto this point, even your mistakes, has shaped you in one way or another. The important thing to remember is that you get to determine how so.
I am sure you have a few regrets or two. If you do, here are some ways to hopefully help you move beyond obsessing over them.
1. Own up to it.
How are you ever going to grow as a person if you never give yourself a chance to learn from your own mistakes? If you don't admit that you did something wrong, then how are you going to take the necessary steps to insure something like that doesn’t happen again? You want to allow yourself to improve and grow, if you do not acknowledge what needs to be changed you will be stuck in the same old patterns with the same old outcomes.
Sure you're probably reluctant to own up to your mistakes because you don't want people to notice them. Most of us are not proud of our mistakes and try to hide them from even more shame and embarrassment. But the truth is that most people closest to you already know what has happened or have a pretty good idea. When you own up to your mistakes, make amends and try to make the necessary changes to your behavior so that they don’t happen again, not only will others have a greater willingness to forgive, but you can move on by forgiving yourself. In addition, owning up to your mistakes will more than likely gain you more respect from others, but the most important person that will have more respect for you is you.
2. Learn from it.
Like it or not, we tend to learn something from difficult situations. It could be something simple or something big. The most life changing lessons usually come from the most soul crushing mistakes. You feel the pain from the mistake so deep that you can barely pull yourself to look back at it. This is the most opportune time to make necessary and profound changes in your life. Take the time you need to call your courage up and take a long hard look at what you have done -then focus on ways to avoid it ever happening again.
There is often a lesson and a blessing that derives from even the darkest times whether it derived from our doing or not. The important thing is to be strong enough to face it, humble enough to learn from it and patient enough to wait for the blessing.
3. Make peace with it.
Nothing good will come about obsessing over something that cannot ever be changed, what’s done is done. If you keep beating yourself up for something you are regretful for, you are only going to suffer more and delay your growth in recovery. It’s imperative that you remember that although a mistake you made may have helped shape you, it doesn’t get to define you unless you allow it to. We are human and we all make mistakes.
Recovery is a complete lifestyle change and that includes even how you talk to yourself. So no more “I was so stupid!” or “I wish I wouldn’t have don’t that! I would do anything to take it back!” It’s done and over with. Your attention should be on what you can do differently right now – because this is the only moment you have control over. In the past there may have been quite a bit of negative self-talk. Why not shake things up and practice some positive self-talk? Try saying things to yourself as often as you can like “I am worthy of love”, “I am strong and courageous enough to change” and “I deserve to love myself”. Keep saying positive things to yourself until you actually believe it, feel it and live it. Don’t allow the overflow of negative feelings about the past limit who you can be in the future.
4. Move on.
Once you have gone through all of the necessary stages in order to have inner peace with your past, give yourself permission to move on from it. Everyone has baggage, everyone has made mistakes and everyone has regrets. No matter what your past looks like, you are still a person who deserves to be loved. You are still a person that deserves not only a good life, but a great life.
Nobody can hold you back from becoming the best version of you that you possibly can but yourself. The time has come to forgive yourself, walk with your shoulders back, your head held high and create the life you desire!
Need help with substance abuse or mental health issues? In the U.S., call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for the SAMSHA National Helpline.