"Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant"
We are on cloud nine when we are in a relationship. The excitement, the passion and enthusiasm, and the feeling of elation, are just intoxicating.
We ride on the wave of newly found love and are captivated by the novelty of a new personality, passion and expectation. We set off with feelings of hope that we are entering a new and better phase of our life and imagine that this person will provide us with all that we have been missing, that we yearn for. We become blind to what may be staring us in the face. We are in love and nothing anybody says can come between us and our love.
Except that the "honeymoon," that sweetest time during the relationship, has fizzled. You didn't see it coming. Now you feel as if nature tricked you and you struggle to hold on to it. But it has become a lost cause and nothing you do works. You're now left with having to deal with disappointment and heartache.
Before you know it, another year has passed since the ending of the relationship and you're still mourning. Part of you is holding out hoping you could get back together. Perhaps some things remain unsaid, unresolved and you wish there could be closure. Except that for the other person there is really nothing left to say. Yet you cannot seem to be able to let go. You're still troubled because the life you hoped for, the dreams you shared and nurtured, got squashed in mid-air.
Maybe you fear that you will never meet anyone else like you ex, or experience the big love you shared with him. You are right. You won't. But you will meet someone, just that the new someone will be different.
Getting over a painful experience can be traumatic and can keep us stuck. Sometimes it's not that you don't realize you are over the relationship, but that you are in denial because the process of its ending still haunts you.
If this is you, then the following steps may help:
1. Share your grief
Every painful experience must be processed. It's the only healthy way to move past it. If you have a friend who you can pour your heart out to, someone who is sympathetic and non-judgmental, then certainly talk it out with her. Failing that, a few counseling sessions will help so you can get everything off your chest. It will give you a better perspective of why your relationship did not work so that you can gain clarity and perhaps even shift your thinking and behavior.
2. Stop looking for answers
Let go of trying to comprehend what happened, or why. Some events that take place in our lives have no logical explanations. Some soul contracts expire and it is just time to move on.
3. Lose Contact
If you're still frequenting the same gym, following each other on social media, and hanging out at the same diners and clubs, it will be difficult to move on. It would serve you to delete him from your Facebook, find a different gym, and frequent alternate places where the two of you don't run into each other.
4. Accept yourself
Befriend the part of you that didn't get it right. You know now and you will be more mindful in the future. Don't beat yourself up. Emotions show you have a heart, so accept and treasure this aspect of your personality. There is someone else out there who would love your sensitivity and who will appreciate your love.
5. Choose supportive friends
Associate with people who are non-judgmental, and who support you. Getting over your loss and break-up is not easy. Besides you can suffer greatly from people not understanding the pain of your grief, those who believe that you should hurry up and move on.
6. Practice self-love
Be kind to yourself. Nurture and nourish your body, do something for your soul such as meditation and being in the company of those who lift you up. Fill yourself up with a healthy dose of love of self so that you do not have to look outside for someone else to complete you. Give your heart the chance to say everything it wants regarding the relationship, and listen to it with compassion. What emerges may surprise you, because the heart never lies.
7. Open up to new possibilities
You have two choices: either open up more or close down. Allowing new things, new people, and new experiences to enter your life is the braver choice. So open up and let your life unfold to new possibilities. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off the past.
Your heart is stronger than you realize. It is designed to handle being broken. And for those who believe that there is a time span for mourning that is not true. Some relationships affect us so deeply that the sadness, anger and hurt last a very long time, convincing us that we will never be able to move forward again.
Just remember, day always turns into night and winter trickles into the beginning of spring. Everyday is a new day. You just have to be strong, even though facing the truth is difficult and life may feel more painful. Yet perhaps life can be more peaceful because conflict with it is reduced.
Ask yourself, how would you feel when you are over your break-up? Relieved that it is behind you so you can get on with life? Would you feel confident, unafraid, and free to meet someone else? If you answered yes, then why don't you feel that now? If it has been a while since your relationship ended then perhaps this choice is available to you. How about that?
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
© Rani St. Pucchi, 2016
Rani is the author of the soon to be released:
The SoulMate Checklist: Key Questions to Help You Choose Your Perfect Partner
For other books by Rani St. Pucchi and for more information please visit www.ranistpucchi.com