When you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s only natural to want to show the person you are dating the best side of yourself. After all, if you’re into the person, you have totally put them on a pedestal, and you’re imagining them to be the most perfect person ever, right? Let me guess, you can hardly believe how lucky you are that this person has chosen you! And if you feel that way about them, you are doing everything you can to make sure they feel that same way about you.
There is nothing wrong with showing someone the best sides of yourself. That’s totally normal! But all to often, people start to show a side of themselves that is not only exaggerated, but also completely false. It happens quickly, and it happens due to desperation to keep the relationship as perfect as can be. I have seen this all too often. People forget who they are because they become completely blindsided and their only goal is for the person they’re dating to continue liking them. They will do whatever it takes. It may work for a little bit, but eventually it will lead to problems in the relationship.
If you are someone who wants to make a relationship last past the honeymoon phase, here are five tips to keep in mind that can help lead to a growing and healthy relationship.
1. First of all, please remember that nobody is perfect! I know your new partner may seem to be the closest thing to it, but the more you build your partner up in your head, the more pressure you put on yourself to be perfect as well. Not only that, but the more disappointed you will be when your partner’s inevitable imperfections come out. So be realistic ― your partner will have flaws, and so will you.
2. It’s completely normal to be open to your partner’s interests and hobbies, and to even show an interest. That’s one of the great things about a new relationship: You get to be exposed to a whole new set of a person’s passions. But be careful not to fall into a pattern of doing things only because they want you to, or taking on a persona similar to your partner’s that is not your own. If you are naturally changing and taking a liking to new things, that’s one thing. But make sure to ask yourself if it because you are truly interested, or because you want your partner to be impressed and satisfied.
3. We are told all too often in our society not to have serious conversations early on in a relationship. Keep it light! Have fun! While it’s totally encouraged to have fun, if you find yourself really bothered by something your partner is doing, or you are biting your tongue out of fear of bringing something up, you may be in a dangerous relationship situation. Avoiding raising issues can lead too much bigger problems down the road. Expressing yourself kindly, respectfully and maturely will take you much further than holding your feelings in only to eventually explode later on.
4. Oftentimes when couples are in the honeymoon phase, they tend to prioritize each other at all costs. It’s as if nothing else in the world matters! However, at some point, reality will sink in, and you and your partner will have to remember to keep work and social obligations a priority. This can usually lead to people feeling less important, less wanted, insecure, and anxious. However, if you can remember that assimilating your relationship into your every day life is actually a step toward a more real and serious relationship, you’ll have a much better chance at growing into a mature relationship, filled with trust and security.
5. Lastly, remember to have fun, and enjoy the beginning phase of a relationship. The feeling of new love is one of the most amazing feelings in the world! But remember to stay true to yourself. The reward is in the lasting relationship you create for yourself.
Good luck!
Feel free to e-mail me with questions and comments, or for more information at nataliedavidlmft@gmail.com
