I speak to countless people who complain about their lives and say they want to quit their jobs, but who stay put year after year regardless. I get it, I was there myself once. When I was in a job that didn't agree with me, I thought that there was no alternative, so I stayed put, and my wellbeing suffered as a result.
Understanding what is preventing you from taking action is one of the most important ways to move forward personally and professionally. Time and time again, I see the same themes emerging with people who are stuck, but often only a small shift is required in order to bring about the necessary change.
Fear #1: I am not good enough to do anything amazing in my life.
Many of us walk through life playing small. We don't say the things we really want to say (even to our friends and family). Because we don't believe that people will care.
In a majority of people's lives, especially if you're in the 9-5 lifestyle, there aren't significant moments where we can actually be aware of our best selves.
Your days are probably quite routine, you do the same things you do most days, and see the same people often. You aren't doing things of variety at all times to experiment with how you excel, and are not getting enough feedback from your environment to pinpoint exactly where you are amazing.
Another factor is that you've been so busy being busy in the hamster wheel of life that you haven't even noticed some great things you are capable of. But if you weren't good at anything, you wouldn't have ever been hired. You wouldn't have people that say "thank you" for something you've done. You wouldn't have been able to survive in the world.
Bite-sized action to feed new evidence to your brain:
For seven days straight, write down 10 things you have done and/or doing that others around you have said they value.
It doesn't have to be tangible things only, it can be the way you've made someone feel better about themselves, or how you've helped someone solve a problem they couldn't solve for themselves.
Check in on how you feel each day. You can do this exercise before you to go to bed at night, as you recollect your day and reflect on how you've been of service or helpful to others.
Fear #2: I won't make enough money to support myself.
The topic of money scares the hell out of most people. It still does for me till this day. We live in a world where we need money, and this topic shouldn't be one you ignore or avoid.
I remembered when I first started thinking about quitting my job. I was so focused on what business idea would make me money, I lost track of why I wanted to quit in the first place, which was to lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
If I was to only pick the business idea that made me the most money, that wasn't going to save me from being a glorified employee in my business and still doing things I didn't want to do.
I may get to work from home with no pants on, but I would still be miserable.
You need to start thinking about how you can be of value to others. But don't let the idea of money scare you. Instead, focus your attention on what you can create that would be of value to the world.
Bite-sized action to feed new evidence to your brain:
Reflect and write down every problem you've ever solved for yourself and for others. It doesn't matter if it sounds trivial. It may be trivial for you because you're great at solving it, but it won't be easy for everyone else.
Which are your favorite problems to solve? Make note of them.
Fear #3: I'm going to fail and it'll all blow up in my face.
Ah, failure. That feeling of everything screwing up so badly you'll never be able to live it down.
Often people fall into the trap of imagining all the things that won't work out.
But this is your imagination again. So if you're able to make things up so easily, why don't we try making other things up that you can actually feel good about?
Better yet, let's redefine failure, and embrace the fact that failure is all part of the process. In all perceived "failures," there are answers and insights on how to do it better.
Did you know that most people who are successful have failed more times than they have succeeded?
To be able to get what you want, you cannot let the fear of failing be the only card you play to not make a move. Because each move you make, is going to open up new doors. It's going to give you more clarity on how to do it better.
Bite-sized action to feed new evidence to your brain:
Step 1: Redefine failure and its meaning to you
Your life experience has come with lots of successful moments, and also what you've categorized in your brain as "failures" or "mistakes." What were these so-called failures and mistakes?
Now think about each failure and mistake, and think hard about what else was happening during that time.
What did you become aware of from that time that helped you see the world differently?
Step 2: Tell new stories to yourself
If you have some sort of misconception that people who have been successful are either lucky or are just smarter than you, wipe that out of your brain.
When you think of people you admire, spend some time researching how they got to where they are today. Read the stories, the memoirs, and the things they went through. Find out how they overcame those obstacles and what they did about it.
Our attitude around our fears can change the reality of our world. Every minute of the day, you are making things mean something to you. And that meaning forms a belief, which allows you the permission to go after what you want, or hinder you from seeing the open doors that are already around you.
When our heads are filled with fear, there isn't room to dream.