Holding onto grudges, blaming others for where you are in life, being angry for all the wrong done to you, all these can be mentally and physically taxing.
Time is your most precious commodity. We are each given 86,400 seconds on any given day so let's spend them on creating memories, towards building a beautiful tomorrow. Rather than waste each precious second on the past that is done and gone let's live in the present moment.
However, to be fully present and live in the moment, and at the same time enjoy the journey, we must first reconcile with our past and release it. We must work thru all our emotions, forgive all involved and free ourselves to receive all the good that the Universe is eagerly waiting to gift us.
If you feel stuck and keep asking yourself 'How do I get past all the hurt and the trauma, the shame and the blame, forgive all those people who have wronged me, and move forward in life?' Know that you are not alone. I can relate.
I went thru many such dark nights, for long periods of time, in fact years, where I felt stuck, unable to move past the old stories which kept on playing in my mind. I did a lot of inner work, attended numerous seminars, met many spiritual masters, and read and studied almost every self-help book that I could get my hands on.
So much of my energy was leaking away. I was consumed by sadness and sorrow as the feelings of lack and loss overwhelmed me. Holding onto old hurts and reliving past scenarios was draining me.
It wasn't until I stepped away from the world, shutting myself for months in solitude, away from all the outside noise to write my memoir that the message finally hit home. I was able to reconcile with the fact that everyone did the best that they could, based on where they were at in their level of consciousness.
I was able to feel compassion, to bless them and to forgive them. Forgiveness does not mean that I ignore their wrongdoing nor does it mean that I approve of what they did. It means that I choose to free myself in order to move forward in life. Most importantly I finally learnt to forgive myself and let go of expectations, not only of others but also of myself.
It became clear to me why hurt people hurt people. The reality is as human beings we all have our weaknesses and as long as we are living in this world, we're going to be hurt. Most often we project onto others our own past experiences and our own disappointments. Ultimately it is how we move past those hurts, forgive and move forward, that matters.
Forgiveness isn't just a blessing you deliver to another human being. It's a gift you give yourself.
Forgiveness is like a muscle that we have to keep growing... It's a process that can take a lifetime, or it can take mere minutes. All depends on how ready we are.
How can we speed thru this process and forgive?
1. Feel the hurt
Contrary to how our society teaches us to ignore our feelings, forgiveness is a process. The more you repress your anger and your hurt, the pain, the shame and the guilt, the more you will project these, because now you have allowed your feelings to fester deep into your subconscious.
You must feel the feeling. Or else you will be stuck in the past because all the pain of the betrayal, all the anger from that person who hurt you that you haven't forgiven, is still within you. You just ignored it and repressed it. Instead of seeing the world as it is, you go thru life seeing the world as you are, thru a filter that is created by all the pain, the shame, the guilt, and the anger that you have repressed.
And how do you feel the feeling? Write in a journal. Talk about it with a close friend. Go on a solitary walk in the woods and talk it out loud to yourself. Or better still scream the energy out of your system!
2. Understand the person and the situation
Rather than judging someone as bad, try walking in their shoes to better understand why they did what they did, or behaved the way they did. All human beings behave according to their own personal reality. They have created their own story about you, and are living from their narrative about the way their world is working. If they attacked you, cheated you, abused you, it's because in their mind they truly believed that you were doing something that deserved them to mistreat you. It might have been a totally false assumption but they reacted based on their best understanding of reality. They were stuck on their assumption, in their core beliefs and in their own pain.
3. Communicate your feelings
Communicate with those that need to be forgiven versus condoning their unhealthy behavior. Speak your truth even though you're upset. Don't judge them, don't attack them, but communicate. Tell them how you feel, what you have observed. They may not even understand you, and maybe they'll feel justified and angry. Worse case scenario you will come to realize that it is best to walk away from the person. By speaking your truth you are demonstrating self-respect and bravery.
Through our words and our communication we teach people how to treat us.
4. Live in the Present Moment
Only by releasing the past are you able to move forward and create your future. The present moment is where all the creativity, energy, peak health, exponential productivity and miracles live. It is where you want to be at all times. You never want to live in the past. So many people have repressed past hurts and even though they put up a pleasant and a happy front, if you just scratch the surface you will find pain, rage, shame and guilt. And you will see their sadness. It's because they did not release all of the grief from all their hurts and continue to live in their history versus living in the moment.
You see, no matter what you hear, or what others tell you, until you work thru your own stuff and until your own message hits home and reaches the innermost core of your being, you will not be able to move forward in life. This is work that only you can do.
You have a choice: either to leave your best creativity, productivity and impact on the table of broken dreams, by staying stuck in the past, continuing to stay angry at those who have hurt you and wronged you.
Or you can forgive and get busy following your vision and changing the world.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
© Rani St. Pucchi, 2016
For more information on Rani please visit www.ranistpucchi.com