How To Resist The Urge To Bolt (From a Former Serial Bolter)

I've bolted from everything from hot yoga to high school (I think I lasted about four weeks in the 9th grade), to being held against my own will in a creepy old drunk mans car when I was a girl (actually, the police helped that one. They stopped at the lone parked car to see if everything was okay and I ran). There have also been many awkward misunderstandings in friendships, to moments that could have been intimate but I withdrew instead. When I really think about it -- bolting has been a way of life in many regards.

It's the survival function of the brain that is seeking to escape from danger, no matter if the danger is real or imagined. For you neophyte bolters -- it's the moment when things get "hot" that the urge to bolt rises up. Hot as defined by uber uncomfortable, sticky moments when hurt or misunderstanding occurs between two humans.

The moment that anger rises, temper flares, and the boxing gloves of blame come out -- that's the moment.

That's when we have the choice to run.

We can run physically or emotionally by withdrawing into our corner of the ring and righteously stay there. Or enter moment of growth, we can just stay put.

Stay in the flames. Stay in the heat. The intensity of the moment. Stick it out.

And here's the trick I've found that helps me -- a serial bolter -- stay put and stay connected to what my intention is in that moment.

Usually it's something along the lines of wanting to work things out, restore peace, to hear and be heard, or some other form of reconciliation and bonding.

I'm happy to report that I'm getting better and better at bonding and less driven by the urge to bolt.

Unless of course, I'm in a stinky restaurant with plastic menus and paper napkins. Then, I'm out, hands down. :)

Here's what I would like to invite you to do.

Forward this to a friend who you feel could use this. Just hit forward.