It isn't easy to ruin guacamole. Unless you're working with unripe avocados (or Florida avocados), you're pretty much guaranteed to make something delicious because it's 95 percent pure avocado -- which is possibly the greatest food the earth has given us. No other dish can promise such great odds for success. And yet, somehow, people still mess it up.
Here at HuffPost Taste, we're all for culinary exploration. But the moment Bon Appetit published its Crunchy Guacamole recipe was when the food world had gone too far. Bon Appetit is known for churning out one delicious recipe after another. Its Salted Caramel "Ding Dong" Cake recipe will change your life. And the way they braise Short Ribs solidifies our belief in humanity. But when we saw Bon App's latest celery-loaded guacamole recipe, we knew we had to cry STOP.
First of all, guacamole is not supposed to be crunchy. Not ever. It's the tortilla chips that you dip into the guacamole that are responsible for providing the crunch. Guacamole's job is to give us rich flavor, and creamy mouthfeel -- nothing more. Secondly, celery?! Really?? That's just scandalous. We've forgiven Bon App for this food crime, because they've never let us down before, but it got us thinking: what other ingredients are people adding to guacamole that are ruining it for the rest of us?
We came up with 13 top offenders. We're not talking about adding tomatoes or even garlic -- which we know is a touchy subject for most guacamole fans -- but serious crimes against all that is holy about guacamole.
Flickr: Jordan Sim
Are you even using your brain today?
Avocados are the creamiest thing on the planet, which means that guacamole is NATURALLY creamy. So why in the world are you messing with sour cream?! That's just overkill.
Stick to your fajitas where you belong.
Just because you hate cilantro, doesn't mean you can add in parsley. If you're going to add an herb to guacamole, make sure it's cilantro or don't add anything at all.
Are you INSANE???
Cream cheese belongs on a bagel. And maybe even on saltines. But never, ever, ever should it end up in a bowl of guacamole.
Shrimp Or Crab
Excuse us, we need to go throw up now.
Pomegranate Seeds (Or Any Other Fruit)
Flickr: Stacy Spensley
Don't try and look all fancy and creative with your pomegranate seeds. When you add them to guacamole, they just make you look like a fool.
While the addition of real tomatoes is debatable, jarred tomatoes are not. Don't do it.
This has just got to stop! Greek yogurt does not, I repeat, DOES NOT, belong in everything. It's fine as your breakfast meal, or even as a snack, but keep it away from everything else. Geez, people.
Flickr: Stacy Spensley
YOU ARE DISGUSTING AND YOU NEED TO BE STOPPED. (And this is coming from someone who actually likes mayonnaise.)
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