Look, Google will tell you things. And peace be with you if anyone ever hacks your search history.
But while using Google for a story on how to shave your neck beards, we noticed that there was something even more important to searchers:
The first suggested result, on multiple users' laptops across the newsroom (and yes, using the incognito window), was "how to shave your balls."
Well if it's a thing you want to know about, then we are here for you, dear readers. But instead of merely Googling the answer, we went a step further and asked an expert for guidance: Chris Harderr, a man who keeps his area trim like his life depends on it. And it actually does, because he's a male burlesque -- "boylesque" -- performer and a gay porn actor.
Here he is, possibly but probably not manscaping with a Dirt Devil:
“It’s funny," Harderr told HuffPost. "When I first started performing, everyone shaved everything. At gay bars and gay clubs, body hair was not really as popular as it is right now, as far as working in the gay adult industry and gay popular culture. [Now,] everyone wants body hair. Chest hair is the new black. Which for me is great because I’m naturally very hairy."
So whereas Harderr doesn’t manscape his little co-stars as much as he used to, “I do like to keep it trim.”
Here’s how he does it.
1. Catch it on a good day.
"The ball sack is its own little mystery," Harderr said. "It’s always changing shape depending on its mood. So the trick is to get it in a really positive, happy mood. And then, it’s lot of time and attention to detail."
2. Smooth it out.
"I really make sure to stretch the skin appropriately, really create flat shapes with your ball sack," he said. "You really make sure you pull the skin, because you want it to be as taut as possible. God, it sounds awful but you don't want to clip any wrinkles or furrows, you know."
3. Lather as you would your face.
And "definitely do it in the shower. Not only for mess, but in convenience. It’s like shaving your face -- if you heat up your pores they’re going to be more open to being hacked away by a razor. I would use shaving cream because it has the chemicals in it to make your skin pliable to the blade, to warm everything up."
4. Finally, shave.
"I just use a really simple men's electric groomer and that always does the trick, but some guys like to do actual Bic razors (I find that’s how you get ingrown hairs and all the nastiness)."
There you have it. If you Google something, we will do our best to provide you with life's answers.
