The Blog

How To Stay Single Forever

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.


When you're longing for love, the wait can seem eternal.

And completely out of your control.

Meeting people out in the real world doesn't seem to be working, so you set up an online profile and get really pumped up about the possibilities. So many dates, so little time!

Yet you soon find out that people don't answer your emails, or if they do, they fade out.

And when you do set up a date with someone, you become hopeful - maybe even really excited - only to realize within the first 5 minutes that there's just nothing there.

A few weeks into it, and you feel like you've been run down by a truck.

Why is this so hard?

And the really scary feeling: "What if I NEVER meet anyone?"

The 3 Don'ts Of Finding True Love

We don't need a crystal ball to tell you that if you are doing any of these things - and you keep doing them -- then you likely WON'T find genuine happiness with a partner:

  1. Forgetting the past

Your relationships -- and the people you become involved with -- are no accident. If you have a history of experiencing pain in relationships -- whether it's rejection, constant conflict, or lack of trust -- there is a reason for it. And that reason lies in the subconscious beliefs you developed before you were old enough to date.

As a child, you developed a certain story about what love means and how it's supposed to show up in your life. If you lived in a very critical household, you will likely feel criticized in your adult relationships. And if you felt second best to a sibling, you might settle for less than loving behavior from a partner.

As long as you don't examine the underlying reason for your relationship patterns, you will keep repeating the pain. But you don't have to let your old story run your relationships any longer - you can choose to become conscious of these old patterns and replace them with healthier beliefs and ways of relating.

  • Giving everyone a chance
  • You've probably heard that you should be very open to meeting anyone for a date -- because you never know in what package your ideal mate will show up.

    We believe this is a time waster and will lead you into the arms of unsuitable partners. Attracting true love - and not just a date -- requires you to get very clear on the kinds of qualities you want (and don't want) in a mate.

    Love does not conquer all. Becoming involved with someone who has traits that are not agreeable to you will only lead to disappointment later. That's why we think you should get really specific about your future partner -- right down to physical characteristics, lifestyle preferences, and how they will relate to you in a relationship.

  • Believing there's something wrong with you
  • For true love to enter your life, you need to create the right mental, emotional, and physical conditions for it. That means not just making time for love, but believing that you are truly worthy of it.

    If there is any part of you that feels you're too difficult, or too quirky, or too fat, or too stubborn, or too weird, or too set in your ways to find love, then you haven't mastered the most important skill in attracting a partner: loving yourself.

    Singles who come to our
    , experience their biggest breakthrough when they realize they've secretly been hating a part of themselves. When we teach them how to embrace every ounce of their being, the right relationship soon follows.

    Your Romantic Future Starts Here

    Finding lasting love should be fun -- and it shouldn't take forever.

    Keep practicing the 3 Don'ts, and you will continue to attract people who are also ruled by THEIR Don'ts.

    You have more power than you think when it comes to finding the person who will make your heart sing. Love is not luck of the draw. When you stop doing what isn't working and commit to making love your most important personal project, it can happen faster than you ever thought possible.

    P.S. We're not kidding when we say you should be really picky about your ideal mate - right down to the shape of their bodies and the sound of their voice. Sign up for our free newsletter and learn how to identify your 3 Absolute Yesses and 3 Absolute Nos in your future mate, so that when you're in your most intimate moments together, every fiber of your being will be shouting: YES! YES! YES!

    Katie and Gay's free relationship e-newsletter, Hearts In Harmony, explores the challenges and glories of lasting love. Based on the tools they've developed throughout their 30+ year marriage and taught to thousands, you'll learn powerful insights and practical techniques you can start using today -- whether you're in a relationship or eager to attract one.