Whether your big wants include travel, health, financial security, a new home or being a more loving and positive person, you need to keep an eye on the little wants.
But doesn't the battle between our little wants and big wants seem endless?
- More than anything I want to meditate, but not this morning, because I just can't get myself out of bed. Tomorrow for sure.
- We really must start saving for retirement, so I know we need to stop eating out so much, but I'm just too tired to cook when I get home!
- My health matters to me, but after a long day I need a glass of wine far more than a workout.
I could go on, but you get the idea. Lately I've been noticing just how enticing the little wants are -- and never more than when I've promised myself to meditate, write, exercise, or make an important call. How can I let watering the flowers, emptying the dishwasher, and checking email rob me of my precious hours? I don't know, but I do -- day-after-day. Sound familiar?
Perhaps funny, but oh how costly; this is our life we're talking about, after all. What could matter more than breaking this habit? As I wrote in Your Best Year Yet,
Endless procrastination, disappointment, and lack
of self-respect are the products of our little wants.
Ever feel frustrated at the end of the day, even though you've done a ton of stuff, never stopped for breath, and crossed off most of your list? Why is that? Could it be because the big things didn't happen? Didn't have time ~ or didn't make the right choices? When I've done my meditation, exercised, connected with my family, and completed my writing goal, I finish the day with a smile. When I don't, I'm disappointed in myself.
How do we stop our little wants from getting in the way of our big wants?
Take charge! Micro manage the gremlin who pulls you off course. Here's what I mean.
A while back I had severe back pain, couldn't sit for longer than 10 minutes, and felt as if life had been snatched from me. The biggest cost was that I couldn't meditate. Then one day I said, the heck with this ~ just do it! I did and here's what happened.
But it hurts, it hurts. I shouldn't be doing this ~ it will make my back even worse.
Sit down! Do your meditation.
OK, now I'm really in pain. I can't stand it.
Sit!
For 20 minutes I meditated while the voice of the little wants became quieter. Yes, just like training a dog. Love him, but show him who's boss. As Buddha said, "The essence of wisdom is to subjugate the mind."
It's not that complicated.
- Identify your three biggest wants.
- Ask yourself, what can I do today to progress my biggest wants? Do them.
- Repeat #2 daily.
How do others keep little wants from getting in their way?
I asked several readers to share their secrets, and here's what they said.
I keep the little wants from building up and having an effect on my big wants. I negotiate with myself, quite often actually. I decide which little wants are priorities, look at my timeline, and spread them out accordingly. Once they're in the schedule, I can move ahead on my big wants.
-- Executive assistant, 20s
I keep a record when I achieve a big want. The main benefit is that it reminds you why it's worth forgoing those little wants in service of the big wants. Sometimes I'll also make a note of how the achievement made me feel in order to motivate me even more. I definitely get a psychic bounce from seeing all my big wants pile up on a long list.
-- Sustainability expert, 30s
Allow time for both. Little wants are important too. Just don't let them prevent the big wants from happening. Sometimes it works to allow an extra 30 minutes in bed with a commitment that when you get up you'll head right into a big want activity. Or maybe you do the big want activity first, and then reward yourself with a little want. What works nearly every time is being accountable for a big want with a coach or buddy.
-- CEO, 5's
Little wants are the tripping points of our unconscious trying to avoid change and keeping us safe. I do a comparison between my ultimate goal (losing some weight and getting in better shape) with my immediate choices (eating sugar, getting someone else to walk the dog), and it's rare that I pick one that brings instant gratification. Just not worth it when put the choice into perspective over time.
-- VP, communications and marketing, 50s
All I know is that managing the little wants, so can we pursue the big wants is life changing. As Goethe said so well, "Things that matter most must never be at the mercy
of things which matter least."
Be in touch to share about a time when you put your big wants in charge. Either scroll down to leave a comment, or write to me directly at jinny@bestyearyet.com.
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