THE BLOG

How to Stop Words From Hurting you

Now I am the first person to admit that I am a sensitive soul, and crying is part of the deal.

One of the problems with being so sensitive is you are often drawn to the tougher, less sensitive people in life.

I suppose it goes back to caveman times -- find what you're lacking in others and stick with it, that way you'll be all right.

The problem is with modern day personalities the ones who come across the toughest, are often not and are just as sensitive on the inside, which doesn't always make for the best mix.

For years I've had this little rule when it comes to life: if you make me cry, it's over, you're out. But recently it has occurred to me that maybe walking away from every cross word, every disagreement, every challenge is not always the best way to travel.

I so desperately don't want it to bother me. I want it to wash over me and then move on, but it lingers inside the pit of my stomach, heart racing, hand shaking, tears rolling.

So what can I do?

Hold it in, kick off, shout back, hold a grudge or simply write the friendship off and walk away?

There is one other option: reframe.

This means taking sensitive self out of the situation and actually looking around.

You said those words, they are your words, they come from you. You chose to say those words -- these are all facts outside of my control.

Then your words reached me and I choose how to hear them, how to see them, how to feel about them and where to put them.

And so I think about it again, there you are saying the words, I see them coming out of your mouth and I wonder how you feel while you say them.

I think about you saying the words, I can see you are upset, you are angry. Underneath anger lies another emotion, something inside you, something bubbling do you even know what it is?

I don't feel sad for me any more, I feel sad for you.

Reframe again.

I think of five reasons why I love having you in my life; you're kind, your thoughtful, you're loyal, you're fun, you're adventures... you must have been having a bad day!

Are you okay?