How to Survive: Betrayal


"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from enemies...

It comes from friends n' loved ones."

~Issac Beshevis Singer

There is no one that can handle a betrayal. Betrayal conjures up deep hurt, anger and heartache. It is a universal theme. Hasn't every adult experienced some form of betrayal?

My definition of betrayal is:

"A betrayal is an unexpected hurtful, mean spirited, selfish act and breaks a bond forever predicated on trust, friendship or love".

Betrayal, unfortunately, is part of our human experience. It can scar you emotionally. You may become very cautious in your relationships; less trusting of people. The betrayal can be a neighbor, a spouse, son or daughter, an institution with political and financial ambitions, a professional associate or a family member.

A betrayal usually comes out of the blue and is unexpected. There is no time afforded to the beneficiary of the betrayal to use her coping mechanisms, because the betrayal had not been anticipated; she never saw it coming. So it is impossible to think things through and strategize.

The betrayer's action is premeditated. They have made their choice knowing there is no looking back.

I don't think a betrayer goes out of her way to hurt another person unless she is crazy. She does it for her survival; her needs, her wants, not thinking of the other person's feelings. Betrayal is a self- centered act and the damage it causes is forever. The betrayer knows that but as the saying goes: "It is not that I love you any less, it is just that I love myself more."

For those on the receiving end and I have been on that end, too, this is what I learned and want to pass on to you.

  • I have learned not to idealize about anyone or anything, save my husband and family.
  • I have learned not to allow my betrayals to destroy my trust in others but I am more selective in who I choose to trust.
  • I have learned there are lesson to learn from a betrayals.
  • I have learned that a betrayal levels you to a new solid plane.
  • I have learned that betrayal forces you to face yourself. In other words how to respond to the betrayal, how to rebuild from the betrayal and how to move forward and become a stronger you.

I will end with this. Usually a little signal will be dropped so be alert. And, as I say to my grandchildren and to your backside.

For more Friendship tips, click here.