The holidays are a time for parties, rich food and sometimes polarizing political discussions among family members. While some families ban politics during the holidays, many others still suffer to convince Uncle Bob that healthcare is a human right. When it comes to changing someone’s political leanings, little ground is lost or won, and more often than not, both parties end up offended instead of enlightened.
The ability to influence those around you is a key leadership skill. To influence effectively you must be adept at getting your opinions and ideas heard, recognized and considered by others.
With many experts saying this is the most polarizing times in American history, it’s time to put your influence skills to the test. Use the holidays as the opportunity to try a new approach. What influence style are you using? Is it working? Influence styles can range from reliance on position and power to education, encouragement and collaboration. Maybe it’s time to switch up your influence style to achieve different results in both the dining room and the boardroom.
Most people rely on pushing, or advocating, for a position, which can create a tension between parties. It immediately draws a line in the sand between the two sides, and leaves people feeling unheard and disrespected. Last year, you may have found yourself using the following influences style techniques:
- ”These are the facts.” Rationalizing is using logical reasoning to convince others of your point of view. When used correctly, rationalizing moves discussion to a less emotional space. But, it works best when the people involved haven’t already made up their mind. Some people react negatively, assuming you value your data more than their feelings.
- “You better listen to me now.” Asserting involves enforcing your dominance through your position or experience to explain why people should believe you. You ask people to comply, instead of agreeing with you. Often, others perceive this as aggressive, self-serving and competitive. And, if they don’t respect your position, your assertion will fall flat.
This year might be the year to change up your tactics. To change someone’s mind, you may want to try pulling people toward you and toward your point of view. If you’re starting on opposite sides of disagreement, find a way to unite the two groups by using the following techniques:
- “You know…we actually have a few things in common.” Bridging entails building communities based on common, mutual interest. Establish trust by actually listening to what others have to say. Show you’re listening, and then try to find something you agree upon. Finding somewhere small to start where you agree can help you build towards a larger resolution.
- “This is an exciting time!” Inspiring entails advocating for your position by encouraging others with a sense of shared purpose and exciting possibilities. Famous leaders like Steve Jobs are remembered for rallying their employees with their words, not stats. Why are you so passionate about your argument? Can you empower another person by sharing that feeling?
This holiday season if you end up fighting with your cousin about politics, take a step back. After exhausting yourselves with facts and figures, try finding common ground. In general, do you want the world to be a better, safer, kinder place? It sounds like you have the same end goal. Do you both like beer? Maybe you could both go grab a cold one on the porch and start there.
Dr. Steven Stein is the author of The EQ Leader, and CEO of Multi-Health Systems.