When spring springs, so do relationships. If we're single, we look forward to this season of growth with the hope that our human bonds will blossom, too. Indeed, spring and summer beckon us on new adventures, exciting encounters, and fresh rendezvous. But mere enthusiasm that lacks commitment will cause a fling to fall apart beyond the warm weather. Many clients come to me to ask about a great person they recently met. They say the physical chemistry is strong, but they want to know how to develop the more fundamental aspects of the relationship: the open communication, emotional intimacy, and genuine love. In short, they want to know how to turn attraction into a real relationship. Admittedly, it can be a bit of a task to mold a casual romance into a serious relationship, but where there is a will there is a way. Apply these tips to shape your liaison into a more loving, durable relationship:
See beyond the season. Don't look at a budding relationship as a temporary fling, because you will turn it into that. Your relationship may have all the chances to flourish, but if you continue to regard it as a simple affair, you'll stifle its potential and create unnecessary boundaries. Allow your romance to thrive beyond the spring and summer months and into the years ahead. Let it become what it's meant to become. A healthy human bond doesn't come with an expiration date, but it does come with a predestined reason: it was no coincidence that you met this person. The best way to decipher the long-term fate of a love relationship is to answer two questions: what lesson has this person come into my life to teach me? Can I realistically envision a future with them?
Pick authenticity over attraction. A person can come across awfully tempting in the beginning, but don't let first impressions fool you. Anyone can put on a "show" to get what they want from you, then quickly disappear, disappoint, or deceive you once you've given them what they wanted. Opt for a partner who is brimming with authenticity rather than momentary excitement. One indication of a well-intentioned person is someone who doesn't pressure you into anything -- physical or otherwise. Another is someone who is quick to help you when you need help most. An authentic person will also accept your flaws instead of trying to change you and won't flee at your first sign of weakness.
Heed the warning signs. Often we ignore blatant red flags put up to save us from becoming involved with the wrong person. We may feel highly attracted to someone, but they can be harmful to us in every other way. Our stubborn will pushes us to try to be with this person by all means. Don't cross obvious red flags or you will end up hurt. Remain aware of the person's recurring actions to determine their character: is he or she disrespectful, not generous, a narcissist, etc? You will be given plenty of early warning signs if the person is a pathological liar, emotional abuser, commitment phobe, etc. Pay attention, for your own sake.
Perform your inner work. It could be spring, summer, or the end of the world for that matter, but if you're not emotionally ready for a relationship, your fling won't last. Before you can begin any new affair, you must perform your inner work: detach from the past, forgive others, clear your karma, and eradicate negative emotions. Once there is balance and harmony within you, you'll attract a relationship of reflective qualities. The first action to take is to introspect honestly: what baggage am I carrying from my past? Do I harbor any resentment, anger, or bitterness towards an old partner? Have I received closure from all former relationships? From there, the steps to take become evident.
Understand what you need. So as not to hurt anyone (including yourself), understand what it is that you need before seeking a suitor: do you need to have fun, have a family, or have something in-between? If you don't really long to be in a relationship, don't start a fling with a person who craves commitment. Similarly, if you're keen on embarking on a serious relationship, don't settle for a person whose dedication can only last a few nights. Know also that what you want and what you need can be two totally different things: you might want to be single and party, but you might need a real relationship to nurture your personal growth and help you evolve. Only you can decide what you truly need by exploring your inner self. Once you have a good grasp on your desires, you can proceed accordingly.
Spring and summer are the perfect seasons to initiate new relationships. And when we take the right actions to extend attraction into the future, we can establish a romance of the authentic kind.
To joyful relationships,
Dr. Carmen Harra
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