How to Use the Holidays to Teach Kids Five Crucial Skills

How to Use the Holidays to Teach Kids Five Crucial Skills
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As every parent knows, children today are growing up in a whole different world than they did even a few years ago. In light of their increasingly fast-paced, rapidly changing, information-saturated, and technology-driven lives, what should we be teaching them now to help them thrive in the future? As a psychologist who specializes in guiding parents to raise healthy, resilient children and teens, I’ve been thinking about how we can prepare this next generation for the challenges they’re likely to face later on.

Tiffany Shlain, the impressive, Emmy-nominated filmmaker who in 2015 created the documentary, “The Adaptable Mind,” talks about five key skills: Curiosity, Creativity, Multi-disciplinary thinking, Empathy, and Initiative. As I’ve seen in my practice, these are among the qualities that most differentiate young people who find satisfying work and relationships from those who struggle.

Although it may seem counter-intuitive, the busy holiday season is a great time for parents to develop these skills in their kids. Whether hosting get-togethers in their own home or visiting others, children and teens often find themselves in challenging situations during holidays. Not only are their typical routines disrupted, but also they may be asked to be around larger or unfamiliar groups of people. Add to that different expectations for behavior, assorted holiday dilemmas, and the occasional family drama—and parents have myriad opportunities to turn unpleasantness and stress into teachable moments (even while keeping the in-laws smiling and the eggnog flowing). Here’s how to use holiday festivities to foster these crucial skills:

1. CURIOSITY. Children who are inquisitive are most motivated to learn about others and the world around them. The holidays offer many ways for them to experience the joys of discovery. Encourage them to find out more about their family history and where their favorite (or most eye-roll provoking) traditions come from. Share interesting facts about relatives they will be seeing to pique their curiosity, which might prompt further questions and lead to engaging discussions. Suggest that kids acquaint themselves in age-appropriate ways with current events so they can participate more readily and meaningfully in conversations around the dinner table—an experience that also reduces complaints of boredom.

(Pro tip: If your initial suggestion to digest The Times is met with incredulity or outright rejection, skip the WSJ and recommend that resistant teens go straight to The Daily Skimm).

2. CREATIVITY. Kids who learn to think out of the box and solve problems creatively are poised to succeed in many jobs. Ask children and teens to help you strategize when dilemmas arise in holiday planning (e.g., seating or sleeping arrangements, food allergies or menu preferences, etc.). Need help with festive decorating? Hand over the art supplies and welcome their unique creations. Need ideas for keeping younger guests entertained? Ask your kids to make up games and activities visitors would enjoy. Imagining how others might think and feel also helps children to develop theory of mind—a high-level and invaluable interpersonal skill.

3. MULTI-DISCIPLINARY THINKING. People who work well with others and appreciate the need for teamwork and collaboration are assets in the workplace. Preparing for holiday get-togethers exemplifies the benefits of everyone in families contributing their own talents. Ask kids to do whatever jobs they’re able—anything from cleaning up toys to grocery shopping to setting the table to greeting guests to decorating cookies to pre-selecting the music (and learning to be flexible if guests want to make their own best new artist suggestions). As a bonus, when children accomplish tasks that are truly needed, and see that their strengths are appreciated, they feel good about themselves.

4. EMPATHY. The ability to sympathize with others is crucial not only for building and maintaining relationships, but also for successfully negotiating and resolving conflict. Along with the joys of the holidays, there are often underlying tensions. Many kids worry about seeing cousins they don’t get along with or answering the incessant questions of “annoying” aunts, uncles, or grandparents. This is parents’ chance to talk about tolerance, inclusiveness, patience, and kindness.

Rather than negating or dismissing kids’ discomfort, encourage them to empathize with others to broaden their perspectives. Explain that Grandma is excited to see her only grandson and get an in-person update on his life. Brainstorm ways to avoid or manage conflict and take time before guests arrive to let kids role-play fielding questions that seem intrusive. Not only will they manage holiday gatherings better, but also they’ll expand their repertoires of appropriate responses and coping skills.

5. INITIATIVE. To compete for choice internships and jobs, being assertive and taking initiative are increasingly necessary. Including kids in holiday planning encourages them to be resourceful. Inviting them to contribute their own ideas lets them flex their independence muscles. Taking initiative gives kids an invaluable sense of personal agency or belief in their ability to act effectively, which is what cultivates motivation and propels them to pursue goals in other areas of their lives.

In the long run, promoting these five skills serves children well in learning, navigating their social lives, and developing self-worth. But don’t underestimate the short-term benefits. Encouraging kids to take a more active role in holiday planning makes them more invested in how the festivities turn out. Being more engaged in the process, they’re more likely to enjoy themselves. And by pitching in, they’ll lighten your workload. Everybody wins.

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