I was in tears multiple times this past weekend.
I sat back in awe as I watched women all over the world stand up for what they believe. It confirmed what I already knew...that women who stand together can change the world.
And there is a lot of change needed.
As a life coach who works with singles, I am constantly blown away by the powerful women I see who rock their jobs/businesses, have strong, beautiful friendships, are raising thoughtful children and yet struggle with self worth and giving away their power in dating and relationships.
It breaks my heart.
I want to take that power, that beautiful vibe that flowed through the world this weekend, and have a conversation on how we keep it going. In the small ways, on a day to day basis, in your everyday life, not just in the overall fight to stick up for what you believe (which you should totally keep doing too), but also for the every day culture of women.
Because here’s the deal, Sugarpants: we can't say we are feminists and not speak up for what we need in relationships.
We can't say that we are strong and then be afraid to be ourselves in front of others — as we are: highly imperfect.
We can't say we are independent and then keep allowing bad behavior from people in our friendships and relationships just because we are too scared to be alone.
We can't say we want to change the world and then tear ourselves and each other down every chance we get.
We can't say we stand for love and then come from the space of fear. Or make decisions from loneliness, hurt, disappointment, or worry that we are unlovable.
Our intentions are so good. So many times, in wanting to be liked or loved by others, we end up allowing people to treat us badly because we’re just hoping that they’ll love us. But by not setting up boundaries, by not communicating what we need, by not just saying “that doesn't feel ok,” when someone hurts us, we allow them to walk all over us and disrespect our time, body or feelings.
And here is the real issue, ladies: not only do your choices affect you, they also affect all of the women you know, and even the ones you do not know.
Because after awhile our unhealthy behavior makes people think it’s actually ok to treat us this way. That it’s normal.
This is how ghosting became a part of the dating culture, texting became an acceptable form of communication and dick pics became a thing! How is someone you barely know exposing themselves an OK thing? In the past, those people were called "flashers" and the cops were called!
So, when you are disrespecting yourself, you are teaching that guy that that’s how you (and every woman) deserve to be treated. I mean, who do you think is teaching them these behaviors that we all complain about so much…. their mom?
It is time this behavior stopped and ladies starting helping each other out. By taking care of ourselves and each other, we create a better future for relationships for all of us.
It is time to Ghandi this up and, “be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Here is how you can start:
- Love up the women around you. Connect in any way you can. Give free hugs (everybody needs them)! Leave random notes of kindness everywhere! Smile more often at other women!
- Make a point of giving out three compliments a day to women around you, and even to strangers. Encourage them to pay it forward. These little things add up.
- If you see your friend making a mistake that she is going to regret, intervene. Whether they are accepting bad behavior or make piss poor decisions...talk to them about it. I can't believe how often we watch our friends make crappy decisions but don't say anything because we are afraid that it is going to hurt the friendship. True friendships include hard conversations.
- For that matter, when you see your friend behaving badly, (ghosting, not being herself, not telling the truth) call her out kindly. Too many times we blindly cheer them on, but are letting them continue unhealthy patterns.
- If you want a relationship, admit it to yourself and others and actually DO things that are going to lead to one.
- If someone is treating you like crap, let them know it is unacceptable and follow through on your word, knowing that you will feel better alone at night than with someone who doesn’t treat you well. Alone doesn’t have to be lonely.
- Know that you, and every woman (and man for that matter), deserves to be loved and respected. But you have to start by respecting yourself and creating healthy boundaries that create a space where love and respect can grow.
I am so totally blown away by what I saw last weekend. The power we have to create change knows no bounds. And what I want most of all in the world is for all of us to use those voices to say “NO. ENOUGH,” to all the other bad behavior we see and experience every single day. If we do this, for ourselves and each other, I swear to holy unicorns in all the lands that we can change how we experience and create amazing relationships.
And maybe just change the world.
If you want to help me change the world and have ridiculously smart conversations about love, dating, relationships and unicorns, come check out the LeagueofAdventurousSingles.com!