How Would News Organizations Fare in a Brawl?

News organizations have always been competitive, but following the White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday, an actual rumble broke out at an after-party.

OK, OK -- it was a "scuffle." It was between Fox News' Jesse Watters from "The O'Reilly Factor," and The Huffington Post's Washington Bureau Chief Ryan Grim. There's no word on who won.

But the situation begs the question of how each news organization might behave:

Odds are on Fox, for obvious reasons: they fight dirty.

In any case, The Huffington Post would have to ask The New York Times or The Washington Post to throw punches for it. New York magazine might do in a pinch.

MSNBC would launch six hours of broadcast about how they knew, they just knew(!) the scuffle was coming. This coverage would be littered with mentions that even though they're cable news, like Fox, never once have they scuffled.

CBS, NBC, ABC would pretend they're above covering scuffles, in hallowed Murrow-esque terms, while dispatching anchors to cover the scuffle and its aftermath. Then they'd boast about how much money they spent in the process.

NPR would try to negotiate a durable and sustained peace.

CNN would make a holographic rendering of the scuffle, and then read out loud what people Tweeted about it.

The BBC would assure its viewers that yes, America is going to hell in a hand basket - while following up with reports of epic British scuffles.

Al Jazeera would refer you to its webpage.

Vice would link it to sex and/or drugs and act like they're the only ones to have ever covered a scuffle. Then they'd get too close, just so they can tell you it's dangerous.

The New York Post and The Daily News would compete to sell tickets.