COMEDY

HuffPost Editors Craft New Editor's Notes In The Event That Trump Wins

R.I.P., sanity.

Well, here we are. About a month from Election Day and no clear indication that we’re all in some collective coma, sleeping the sleep of 1,000 corpses, experiencing one doozy of a forever nightmare.

Donald Trump could become our next president.

Here at HuffPost, when we’re not stocking our 2016 election bunker with non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan-friendly canned goods, we’re thinking of how our well-publicized editor’s note ... 

... might change should Trump be elected the next president of the United States. Some of HuffPost’s finest editors took a crack at it.

 *****

Editor’s Note: America lost its damn mind.

- Cristian Farias, Legal Affairs Reporter

 

Editor’s Note: For more information on Canadian immigration policy, click here

Amanda Duberman, Senior Voices Editor

 

Comrade’s Note: General Secretary Donald Trump is shining example of glorious cooperation between United States and Russia. Now, all Americans will have freedom to enjoy extremely unbiased Russian news on every TV channel. Comrade Bill Gates has volunteered to spend time in friendly Moscow prison camp luxury hotel until he assists in turning off Internet. Editors of previous note now enjoying rigorous training at state-of-the-art journalism factory in beautiful Siberia.

- Ed Mazza, Overnight Editor

 

Editor’s Note: Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

- Nick Baumann, Senior Enterprise Editor

 

Donald Trump, the leader of the free world as legally elected by [final vote count] million people in the United States of America, regularly incites political violence and is a serial liarrampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.

- Samantha Storey, Senior News Editor

 

Editor’s Note: The end is nigh.

- Maxwell Strachan, Senior Editor

 

Editor’s Note: If you’re not thrilled about living in a spider hole and every trip outside that hole is a fear-filled furtive dash for essential goods, evading Confederate-flag-waving duck hunters who want to serve you ― as the entree, with mint jelly ― at their next banquet (they spell it “Bank Wet”) ― you can pretty much blame our current President, Donald J. Trump.

- Lance Gould, Executive Special Projects Editor

 

Editor’s Note: Huffington Post Media Group is now a part of Trump Media. There’s no other greater media company in America. Believe me.

- Hayley Miller, Senior Contributors Editor

 

S**t.

- Planet Earth

 

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