John Edwards' real name is "Johnny Reid Edwards," which sounds less like a philandering ex-politician and more like a journeyman slide guitar player. There's a semi-decent chance that Sarah Palin thinks the United States gained its independence after 1980's Miracle on Ice. And notorious curmudgeon Dave Obey is trading the speaker's dais for a K Street office as his preferred platform for barking at people. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, June 3rd, 2011:
DAVE OBEY APPROPRIATES HIMSELF TO K STREET - Dave Obey, the crankiest president pro tempore that ever walked the land, is joining Dick Gephardt's lobbying shop. The former chair of the House Appropriations Committee will not, technically, "lobby" on health, education, energy, transportation, trade and defense issues. In a free advertisement sent to Chris Frates, Gephardt said, "I could not be more thrilled to welcome Dave to the firm. He's been a longtime friend and, as former chairman of the Appropriations Committee, no one knows the federal government's funding process better than he does. I've long admired his ability to negotiate, problem-solve and develop legislative strategy: he will be an incredible asset to our team." [Politico]
PARANOID SELF-LOATHING GOP LOBBYIST WELCOMES DAVE OBEY - Our favorite PSLGOPL, known to readers as a hobgoblin who appears in HuffPost Hill from time to time to give Democrats a Tonya Harding knee massage, is thrilled Dave Obey has joined the Shady Lobbyist Underworld. PSLGOPL also hopes to have a new anono-friend on a certain Blackberry-friendly newsletter. "My hunch is we have room to add a new character to HuffPost Hill: PSLDemL...Kick ass client list Mr. Chairman!" Thanks, PSLGOPL!
Reports indicate that President Obama and John Boehner will soon disagree while on a golf course.
DARRELL ISSA NOT INTO THE WHOLE COMMITTEE PART OF THE COMMITTEE PROCESS - Oversight Committee chairman Darrell Issa has instituted a new policy that effectively bars Democrats from calling witnesses at hearings, an awfully aggressive move that the committee's ranking Democrat says breaks House and panel rules and "does a body blow to democracy." As always, the rationale is clever: Issa told Democrats that administration witnesses count as minority party witnesses, even when they're invited by the majority party. The administration would be surprised to hear that House Democrats are automatically considered its allies. "They're not our witnesses. We may be very much opposed to them," ranking Democrat Elijah Cummings told HuffPost Hill. "There have been investigations that we've asked for as Democrats." The issue bubbled up when Issa barred Fred Wertheimer, who Democrats and the Republicans' own witness had asked to sit on the panel. "The rule is that the minority may request a witness to the chairman of the committee and the chairman of the committee ultimately requests the witnesses," a spokesperson for the committee said. [ROLL CALL]
TRIBES GET INTO SWIPE FEE ACTION - The final three organizations on Mother Earth who had yet to weigh in on the swipe fee debate did so today, with the Mashatucket Pequot Tribal Nation, the Pokagon Bank of Potawatomi Indians and the Pechanga Indian Reservation sending letters in support of merchants to Sens. Blumenthal, Stabenow and Feinstein, respectively.
We wonder if each tribe got a discount on its monthly retainer from the lobbying firm that asked it to do a favor for its other clients.
TO CATCH A PARDON - Here's how several of the most recent batch of felons pardoned by President Obama won the Justice Department's attention. [HuffPost]
People can't stop sending us advice for interns. This is from a lobbyist: "They really need to learn not to talk shit about Member offices or Hill staff on public transportation (just 2 days ago I overheard Republican office interns bashing Vitter staff on the Circulator)--granted I have no love for Vitter, but that kind of behavior is just stupid--in this town, you never know who is listening..."
DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - This weekend's only two days long, but for 25 million Americans who are either jobless or involuntarily working part-time, there's no weekend at all.
Don't be bashful: Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to huffposthill@huffingtonpost.com. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill
OBAMA AND BOEHNER DIG IN HEELS OVER DEBT CEILING - You know that impending showdown over whether the United States will honor its debts and obligations or dump all its crap on the front lawn for a nationwide tag sale? There's no resolution in sight. After President Obama reportedly told Democrats last night that he will let the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy expire, "no matter what hostages Republicans took," Speaker Boehner responded in an equally obstinate way today. "We can't raise taxes on the very people who create jobs, and keep spending money that we don't have," Boehner told reporters at an event meant to highlight today's anemic jobs report, reiterating his belief that, "Spending cuts must accompany any increase in the debt limit." Invest in the rights to photographs of breadlines. [HuffPost's Mike McAuliff]
Republicans want a TV station to take down a Dem ad that says the GOP wants to end Medicare, arguing it's false. Thing is, it's true. And now they have a Nobel winner agreeing.
ET TU, $400 HAIRCUT??? JOHN EDWARDS INDICTED - We liked this guy's life arc more when it was confined to a Tom Wolfe novel. The former senator, erstwhile presidential candidate and tenured asshole was indicted today on charges that he spent over $925,000 to keep his mistress and their baby a secret. USA v. Johnny Reid Edwards consists of six counts of conspiracy, four counts of illegal campaign contributions and one count of false statements. It turns out that the North Carolina lawmaker might have been done in by his his haircut. In 2007, after news broke that Edwards was paying $400 for his haircuts, Bunny Mellon, a rich 97-year-old supporter, sent this email to Edwards' creepy assistant, Andrew Young: "The timing of your phone call on Friday was 'witchy.' I was sitting alone in a grim mood -- furious that the press attacked Senator Edwards on the price of a haircut. But it inspired me -- from now on, all haircuts, etc. that are necessary and important for his campaign -- please send the bills to me... It is a way to help our friend without government restrictions." Allegedly, when team Edwards later sought wealthy donors to help keep his second family hush hush, they turned to Mellon. At some point you kind of have to reach a terminal velocity in your downward life spiral, right? [Time]
Shortly thereafter, Edwards pleaded not guilty. "There is no question that I have done wrong," he said afterward to reporters gathered outside the courthouse. "And I take full responsibility for having done wrong. And I will regret for the rest of my life the pain and the harm that I have caused to others. But I did not break the law." [HuffPost]
HOUSE REBUKES OBAMA ON LIBYA - The lower chamber today passed John Boehner's resolution asking President Obama to provide a detailed justification of the use of military force in Libya, 268-145. Shortly before, the House voted down Dennis Kucinich's resolution calling for a withdrawal of American military assets within 15 days, 148-265. More Republicans voted for the Kucinich bill than Democrats did. That's one of those sentences you'll see written about as frequently as Politico Click will publish an item about Tom Coburn's yoga routine. [HuffPost's Elise Foley]
FAITH AND FREEDOM CONFERENCE BRINGS OUT THE CRAZY - Pop quiz: Which event witnesses more white conservatives debasing themselves? DKE rush week or the Faith and Freedom Conference? It's not an easy question. Take Jon Huntsman, who offset the fact that he is fluent in Manderin with a birther joke during his remarks to the conference. More happened, but that encapsulates it nicely. [HuffPost's Jon Ward, with a better summary]
DEMOCRATS TO LAUNCH RECALL EFFORT AGAINST SCOTT WALKER - At its state convention today, the Wisconsin Democratic Party announced that it will launch a campaign to recall Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. "We will not stand down -- and next year, we will recall Scott Walker from office," state party Chair Mike Tate's prepared remarks read, "We will begin to repair the damage done to this state and we will begin a new with a Democratic Governor who will fight for our children, who will fight for our families, our teachers and our firefighters. We will fight for the people -- not the powerful." [WaPo's Greg Sargent]
Sarah Palin is ignorant: "He [Paul Revere] who warned, uh, the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed." [ThinkProgress]
MAY JOBS REPORT: OOF - Mitt Romney's greatest supporter may not be a prominent figure in the conservative movement or a wealthy donor looking for a diplomatic posting. Mitt's most potent ally may, in fact, be a mid-length .pdf file distributed on the first Friday of each month by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The BLS today released unemployment figures for May and the numbers are ... um ... yeeesh ... ::tugs on shirt collar with index finger:: ... not good. Only 54,000 jobs were created last month and the unemployment rate ticked up to 9.1 percent. Private sector positions grew by 83,000, the lowest single-month growth since last June. Twenty-nine thousand Government sector jobs were shed. Invest in overalls and tumbleweeds. [Reuters]
Today is Chris Beam's last day at Slate. Goodbyes are even more overrated than Blonde on Blonde. #slatepitches.
BLOOMBERG: D.C. IS A HIVE OF LONELINESS AND DESPERATION [ALSO, THE SUN ROSE IN THE EAST TODAY] - Let's face it: It isn't easy being single in Washington, D.C. Not only is the (not destitute and forgotten part of the) city inhabited by type-A, egomaniacal weirdos who can't sustain a conversation about anything other than Newt Gingrich's floundering campaign or how crowded the upstairs part of Wonderland Ballroom gets, but people like these ten-sided die jerks are considered alpha males. This sad state of affairs is only compounded if you happen to be a woman, and not just because preponderance of short dudes with Napoleon complexes. Washington is actually home to the nation's most off-kilter gender imbalance, with 112 women for every 100 men. "Christy McConville has some advice for women in Washington who are frustrated with the dating scene in the nation's capital: Leave town. The former District of Columbia resident did just that last year when she relocated to Pasadena, California, after spending almost a decade in Washington. She said it's now much easier to find single men her age, and she relishes male suitors inquiring about her hobbies rather than her resume. Washingtonians are 'really sort of dating their jobs,' said McConville, 34, who works in political communications. 'It's sort of like an intellectual meat market.'". [Bloomberg]
HuffPost Hiccup - The 5/31 Huffpost Hill incorrectly reported that the National Labor Relations Board ruled Boeing illegally shut its Washington state factory to undermine the labor union there. What happened is the NLRB general counsel filed a complaint against Boeing -- the board didn't rule against the company.
BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Child learns how to ride a bike and delivers the most inspirational speech ever.
Email title: "Winners, not Weiners wear 2(x)ist men's underwear". Email body: "Hi! I thought this might interest you. Would love to know your thoughts! What's the formula to success? 2(x)ist. The men's underwear is worn by winners everywhere, including: NBA hot shots: The Miami Heat, The LA Lakers Grammy winners: Usher, 50 Cent, Common Oscar winner: Mickey Rourke Sexiest Men Alive: Justin Timberlake, Joe Manganiello, Ryan Reynolds. www.2xist.com We are happy to say that Anthony Weiner's infamous TwitPic is NOT 2(x)ist."
JEREMY'S WEATHER REPORT - We are looking at one fine weekend. Tonight: A bit cool, as the slight chill carries over to the evening. It's enough to make you consider wearing a jacket. Tomorrow: We'll reach the low 80s, in what should be the hottest day of the weekend. Otherwise, sunny skies means that it's you're do something day. Sunday: Low 80s again, but with a slight chance for some late afternoon thunderstorms. Since the weekend will be ending anyway, I'll sum up the next few days like this: uppercase b, hyphen, closed parenthesis. Thanks, JB!
COMFORT FOOD
- A NASA scientist describes some of the most striking vista that astronauts see while in orbit. [http://bit.ly/k0sRLD]
- "Once every 48 years, bamboo forests in Northeast India go into flower, and black rats descend upon them, like a plague. For the first time, National Geographic and NOVA and have captured this phenomenon film." [http://bit.ly/kJZNXk]
- Video of terrible boss, raging anti-Semite and film visionary Walt Disney discussing cartoon recording technology. [http://bit.ly/iP4DIY]
- From Alex Leo, friend of HuffPost Hill: Everything Ron Swanson ever said about meat [http://bit.ly/j1DSWT]
- There were "heavy" losses in the honeybee population over the winter. Never forget. [http://bit.ly/krpnSe]
- Wine glass music taken to a whole new level. Imagine being married to this guy ("How was your day, sweetie?" "Good, I played music on wine glasses." "What are you doing tonight?" "Playing music on wine glasses."). [http://bit.ly/lcsUiO]
- A series of photographs documenting the construction of the Eiffel Tower. [http://bit.ly/k0m9rb]
- New trailer for the forthcoming Muppets movie spoofing the Hangover 2 trailer. [http://bit.ly/ioBQaj]
TWITTERAMA
@mbrownerhamlin: Today's job report: Because hey, people seem to like the Daily Delaney Downer
@daveweigel: Nixon? RT @TheFix: Has any politician risen higher or fallen lower than John Edwards?
@FakeAPStyleBook: Adverbs should be used sparingly and for greatest impact, like your mom.
ON TAP
Saturday, 11:00 am - 5:00 pm: The Summer 2011 DC Record Fair features vendors from up and down the East Coast, DJs, refreshments and other record fanatics [viatminwater uncapped LIVE, 2217 14th Street NW].
Sunday, 1:00 pm - 1:30 pm: Have a daughter? Is she between the ages of 8 and 18? Do you want her to live a life of artistic exploration and constant rejection? Send her to Sound Check! A Girls Rock D.C. Event. It's basically rock camp for girls [viatminwater uncapped LIVE, 2217 14th Street NW].
Monday, 6:00 pm - 10:00 pm: Upon learning that John Conyers is hosting a fundraiser at a George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic concert, we immediately imagined the Michigan lawmaker dressed in one of the funk star's trademarked gypsy-on-acid outfits...and laughed [9:30 Club, 815 V Street NW].
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