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HUFFPOST HILL - Alternate Universe Rubio Quietly Plans Transition

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Donald Trump’s supporters are targeting their rage at the traveling press pool for supposedly being part of a “globalist” conspiracy ― something the poolers presumably help implement when they’re not crying on the phone to their parents or managing the sublease on their room in a Columbia Heights group house. More women have come forward accusing Trump of sexual misconduct, while Paul Ryan spent the day clawing at the walls of the Capitol Hill Club hoping that it would lead him to the Upside Down. And Donald Trump Jr. implied that kindergarten teachers don’t do real work, which is odd coming from a guy who spends most of his day trying to keep a whiny and emotionally underdeveloped brat under control. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, October 14, 2016:

EVEN MORE ACCUSATIONS AGAINST TRUMP - “Kristin Anderson was deep in conversation with acquaintances at a crowded Manhattan nightspot and did not notice the figure to her right on a red velvet couch — until, she recalls, his fingers slid under her miniskirt, moved up her inner thigh, and touched her vagina through her underwear. Anderson shoved the hand away, fled the couch and turned to take her first good look at the man who had touched her, she said. She recognized him as Donald Trump: ‘He was so distinctive looking — with the hair and the eyebrows. I mean, nobody else has those eyebrows.’ At the time of the incident, which Anderson said took place in the early 1990s, she was in her early twenties… Anderson, who said she doesn’t support Trump or Democrat Hillary Clinton, did not initially approach The Post. A reporter contacted her after hearing her story from a person who knew of it, and she spent several days trying to decide whether to go public.” [WaPo]

STILL MORE - Increasingly, the question we’re asking isn’t whether Trump will lose, but whether he’ll even be allowed to live in a school zone. Christina Wilkie: “A former contestant on Donald Trump’s reality show ‘The Apprentice’ on Friday alleged that Trump at one point brought her to a hotel bungalow and forced himself on her. Speaking at a press conference in Los Angeles, Summer Zervos said she reached out to Trump in hopes of getting a job at his real estate company, and met with Trump in New York and Los Angeles in 2007. Zervos said that Trump kissed her on the lips in New York, and brought her to a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles, where he allegedly groped her, kissed her against her will, asked her to lie on a bed with him and then told her to hide when a waiter brought a sandwich to the room. Zervos is the 11th woman this week to come forward with allegations of sexual assault or misconduct against the Republican presidential nominee.” [HuffPost]

Inbox: “’Joe the Plumber’ Offers 4 Tips to Kenneth Bones” [sic]

PAUL RYAN REDUCED TO ONLY INTERACTING WITH DOCILE CHILDREN - “Everything is great! Everything is great! Everything is [extremely Jessie Spano freakout] NOT GREAT!” Matt Fuller: “How do you hold a question-and-answer session with House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) these days and make sure the words ‘Donald’ or ‘Trump’ never come up? You make sure the event is a farce. The event Friday at the Madison Masonic Center Foundation was billed as an address by the speaker, followed by a Q&A with students. But a friendly Republican moderator chose friendly Republican questions from friendly Republicans, and everything was very friendly. Donald Trump didn’t come up at all. Weird. Amid Trump’s escalating war with the speaker, as well as a flurry of new women coming forward alleging that the nominee has sexually assaulted them, the speaker never mentioned Trump at all during his speech or Q&A session.” [HuffPost]

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TRUMP MADE DISPARAGING COMMENTS ABOUT A KARDASHIAN - As If People’s readership didn’t already have reason enough to hate Donald Trump this week. Jason Cherkis and Sam Stein: “During a 2009 taping of ‘Celebrity Apprentice,’ Donald Trump made disparaging remarks about Khloe Kardashian’s weight before firing her from the program, several people who worked on the reality show told The Huffington Post. Trump’s remarks were delivered off camera and before the show’s pivotal boardroom scene where he dismisses the episode’s poorest performer with his famous catchphrase: ‘You’re fired!’ According to sources on the show, Trump complained to producers about Kardashian’s looks and itched to have her removed from the show. ‘He basically wanted to just get rid of her,’ an editor on the show recalled. ‘He called her a “piglet.”’ The editor said that Trump asked: ‘What is this? We can’t even get the hot one?’ ― in reference to Kardashian’s sister, Kim.” [HuffPost]

TRUMP IS THE WORST, PT. 423,061,284 - Andrew Kaczynski and Nathan McDermott: “Donald Trump said in a 2004 interview with Howard Stern about Lindsay Lohan that ‘deeply troubled’ women are ‘always the best in bed,’ according to a CNN KFile review of the appearance. In the hours of crude and misogynistic sex talk Trump engaged in when he appeared on The Howard Stern Show, one of the most common topics of discussion were famous women. Trump and Stern would often rate, rank, and describe in sexual terms female celebrities. In appearances reviewed by CNN’s KFile, Trump also told Stern he would pay not to receive oral sex from Rosie O’Donnell and teased a recently-deceased Anna Nicole Smith for her large lips.” [CNN]

TRUMP SUPPORTERS HATE REPORTERS - Michael Calderone: “When reporters returned to the media section of a Donald Trump rally Thursday afternoon in West Palm Beach, Florida, there was a swastika waiting for them. The nominee, appearing desperate and unhinged, had just unloaded on the New York Times and other news outlets for reporting on allegations of inappropriate sexual conduct, behavior consistent with the vulgar and predatory boasts he made on a hot mic recording unearthed last week. During the Florida rally, Trump claimed the media and banks were part of a global ‘conspiracy’ being waged against the American people, basking in anti-Semitic themes once relegated to the white nationalist fringe… Several journalists covering Trump’s rally that followed, in Cincinnati, described the mood getting darker.” [HuffPost]

DONALD JR. RETAKES ‘WORST TRUMP CHILD’ LEAD - Don’t let us down, Baron. John Passantino: “Donald Trump’s son, Donald Trump Jr., dismissed workplace sexual harassment in a 2013 radio interview — and suggested that women who couldn’t take it should become kindergarten teachers… ‘If you have a guys’ place you have a guys’ place,’ Trump Jr., the candidate’s eldest son and executive vice president at the Trump Organization, said, describing himself as a ‘guy’s guy.’ A host interjected that women ‘complain, “it’s harassment” — that’s why we hate having them around. They stop us from doing what we want to do.’ ‘I’m of that mindset — and I’ll get into trouble, I’m sure I’ll get myself in trouble one of these days,’ Trump began. ‘If you can’t handle some of the basic stuff that’s become a problem in the workforce today, then you don’t belong in the workforce. Like, you should go maybe teach kindergarten. I think it’s a respectable position.’” [BuzzFeed]

EMAILS INDICATE LIFE WORKS THE WAY LIFE WORKS - Networking and flattery helps a lot. Andrew Restuccia: “If you’re wondering how to get a job in a Hillary Clinton White House, start by reading campaign chairman John Podesta’s hacked emails… CNN founder Ted Turner wrote to Podesta in 2008 to recommend John Berry, a Clinton administration Interior official, for Interior Secretary. Turner suggested that as ‘the nation’s largest private landowner,’ he was qualified to weigh in on the choice. One of Podesta’s aides responded, saying, ‘John asked me to email you back and say he’s a big Berry fan too, and he’s in the mix...’ That wasn’t enough to get Berry the cabinet appointment, but all ended well for him. He’s now the U.S. ambassador to Australia. Reggie Govan, chief counsel at the Federal Aviation Administration, emailed Podesta on behalf of his godson, an undergraduate at Yale seeking a job on the campaign. ‘His keen interest and experience in behavioral sciences, data/marketing and finance offsets his lack of prior political experience,’ he wrote. Podesta responded the next day, copying the proper contacts on the Clinton team.” [HuffPost]

JUDGE: FLORIDA NEEDS TO CHILL WITH THE KILLING PEOPLE - Don’t ask us how, but Rick Scott will somehow find a way for this to benefit for-profit colleges. Cristian Farias: “Florida’s highest court ruled on Friday that the state’s recently amended death penalty law is unconstitutional because it doesn’t require jurors to be unanimous when imposing the punishment. State legislators rushed to fix the statute earlier this year after the U.S. Supreme Court declared that the old sentencing regime violated the federal Constitution’s right to an impartial jury. The Florida Supreme Court acknowledged Friday that most of the fixes passed the test and “can be construed constitutionally,” but that the provision allowing a less-than-unanimous jury to recommend a death sentence did not.” [HuffPost]

BEN CARSON UPDATE - Sadly, it’s not about someone finally uncovering the truth of the Egyptian pyramids’ grain storage facilities. Willa Frej: “During an appearance on MSNBC’s ‘Morning Joe’ on Friday, host Joe Scarborough and BBC World News America anchor Katty Kay focused their line of questioning around [Trump’s accusers]. Kay asked Carson if he thought these women were indeed fabricating their stories. That’s your characterization, because you need to characterize it that way,’ Carson said. Kay attempted to ask a follow-up, at which point Carson held up his hand, yelling ‘stop’ repeatedly. ‘Hey, can you turn her microphone off?’ he then demanded. ‘Turn her microphone off so I can talk.’” [HuffPost]

BECAUSE YOU’VE READ THIS FAR - Here’s a surprise chicken.

2+2 = 4, BUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET A REACTION QUOTE - This year’s Thanksgiving is going to be especially excruciating. Ariel Edwards-Levy: “If there’s one thing Hillary Clinton’s and Donald Trump’s supporters have in common, it’s this: Each side thinks the other is not only wrong, but completely divorced from reality. Eighty-one percent of registered voters say that most Trump and Clinton supporters ‘not only disagree over plans and policies, but also cannot agree on basic facts,’ according to a new Pew Research survey. Just 18 percent think they “can agree on basic facts, even if they often disagree over plans.” [HuffPost]

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TWITTERAMA

@morninggloria: lets change the national anthem from “The Star Spangled Banner” to a song called WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, which is screamed, not sung.

35% solid
41% liquid
18% gas
6% plasma
― the only poll that’s matters

INTERVIEWER: how do you respond to the emotional wreckage wrought by your running mate on the youth?
PENCE: we will crush ISIS

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