HUFFPOST HILL - Florida Man Applies For Job

Hillary Clinton is so dead broke, she’s living in a van. Also, we have to question the timing of her announcement as tomorrow is the 150th anniversary of her telling the security staff at Ford’s Theatre to stand down. And the state of Indiana has retained a PR firm to help rebuild its image. "Indiana Is For Lovers *Mark And His Longtime Roommate, Jeff*," is said to be the leading tourism campaign slogan. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Monday, April 13th, 2015:

RUBIO ANNOUNCES 2016 BID - He'll be delivering his announcement speech in Miami this evening. AP: "Sen. Marco Rubio on Monday took on Hillary Rodham Clinton in his first words as a presidential candidate, telling top donors he is running for the Republican nomination because the 2016 race for the White House should be about the future, not the past. The first-term Republican from Florida, 43, also told his most generous backers that he feels 'uniquely qualified' to pitch his Republican Party as one that will defend the American Dream. Rubio spoke on a conference call with donors before a flashy political rally set for Monday night in Miami. In previewing his campaign's central message, Rubio said the dream is slipping from too many families' grip, and young Americans face unequal opportunities to succeed. It was a message honed to pitch the GOP as a party that cares about all voters, not just those in upper tax brackets." [AP]

RUBIO SPEECH EXCERPT: "Yesterday is over, and we are never going back." Burnnnnn.

::shotguns beer, high-fives Jesus::

BEHIND HILLARY'S MISSION TO MAKE REPORTERS USE THE PHRASE 'SLOW WALK' A LOT - Julie Pace: "She put off much of the process until last fall, around the midterm elections. Only then did she delve deeply into consultations with dozens of policy and political experts, analysis of countless memos, and a reexamination of what went wrong in her failed 2008 campaign. By the time Clinton arrived in the Dominican Republic, she had largely settled on running a second campaign, but wanted to make the final determination with her husband, Bill. When she returned to New York in the new year, there was no formal meeting with staff or email to friends to announce her candidacy. Clinton simply started telling advisers to move forward with hiring and find a campaign headquarters... Part of what she weighed was how to run a modern, technologically sophisticated campaign, an implicit acknowledgment of her 2008 operation's failings. Among those she consulted with were veterans of Obama's White House runs: former campaign manager David Plouffe, ground game guru Jennifer O'Malley Dillon, and digital director Teddy Goff." [AP]

What, would you rather have her interrupt TGIF? "As Clinton jumped into a van heading from her home in Chappaqua, New York, to Iowa for her first campaign stop -- shortly after launching her campaign with a social media blitz aiming to portray her as a champion of everyday Americans -- her aides held at least half-a-dozen conference calls with supporters, party operatives, former staffers and elected officials to distribute talking points and assure the early-state activists that Clinton takes them seriously. Those on the receiving end were hoping for more. 'I can’t believe I missed ‘Game of Thrones’ for this,' said one Democrat who sat through the 9:30 p.m. Eastern call for former Clinton staffers." [Politico]

Fun fact: the last secretary of State to become president was James Buchanan. If Clinton wins, she'll be the second one to negligently let the the Union dissolve into chaos. #TCOT

The Choomwagon must have been in the shop: "Hillary Clinton is driving somewhere between her home in Chappaqua, New York, and her first official campaign stop in Monticello, Iowa, in a van named for a 1960s cartoon. The armored van — the same vehicle that usually shuttles her to events in New York — has been nicknamed 'Scooby' because it reminds the former Secretary of State of the Mystery Machine, the vehicle used by the main characters in the classic 'Scooby Doo' cartoons. Aides have gone out of their way to note that the drive was Clinton’s idea." [Time]

YouTube view count:

Clinton’s “Getting Started” - 2.3 million

Paul’s “A Different Kind of Republican Leader” - 146,000

Cruz's "A Time For Truth" - 115,000

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - Darcy Spencer: "A D.C. dog owner did what anyone with a missing pet would do. He posted fliers -- but then, he says, police threatened him with a $750,000 fine. Roger Horowitz was out Friday, ripping down fliers he posted about his missing dog, Ollie -- not because the dog has been found, but because he's afraid of being hit with the huge fine." [NBC4]

DOUBLE DOWNER - Actress Gwyneth Paltrow is the latest celebrity to dramatize the difficulty of life on food stamps by limiting her food budget for a week. In a tweet, Paltrow showed what she bought for the week using $29, roughly a week's worth of Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program benefits…. Ironically, the criticism Paltrow got for what she purchased -- too much kale, too many limes and not enough carbohydrates -- offers a window into the SNAP experience: other customers seeing your EBT card and disapproving of what's in your shopping cart. [HuffPost]

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HILLARY PUNCHES CHILDREN, THEIR FAMILIES - And here we thought she simply ate chlidren for the life-giving properties they seem to provide lizard people and the increased vigor with which they are able to murder Vince Foster. Bloomberg: "Is Hillary Clinton for the children, or against them? The author of 'It Takes a Village' suffered the first mistake of her official presidential run when her campaign assured supporters in a press release that Clinton had 'fought children and families all her career.' That wording was striking given Clinton's use of children and families in the video announcing her candidacy, and seemed at odds with the sentence in which the typo occurred." [Bloomberg]

The New York Post isn't ready for Hillary.

More like Bill De Blasi-D'oh, amirite: "Appearing on "Meet the Press," de Blasio made Chuck Todd almost snarf his coffee after he pointedly refused to endorse Clinton's presidential bid just hours before it was becoming official, saying: 'Like a lot of people in this country, I want to see a vision.' From his days working in the Clinton administration in the Department of Housing and Urban Development to 'managing' Hillary Clinton's Senate campaign to being sworn in by Bill Clinton last year, de Blasio hasn't hesitated to rely on the family for professional advancement. But when the time came for the mayor to return the favor, the Clintons – like everyone else -- will be forced to wait for de Blasio." [NY1's Bob Hardt]


Proposed Elizabeth Warren logo

MCCARTHY HOLDS PEN-AND-PAD, MAKES NEWS - Matt Fuller: "He revealed that he spoke to Senate Foreign Relations Chairman Bob Corker, R-Tenn., earlier in the morning to discuss the prospect of bringing up the senator’s Iran bill... on the House floor. (McCarthy said he intended to put the Corker bill on the House floor if it moved out of the Senate.). McCarthy also said he intended to bring up three measures Republicans pulled from the floor earlier this Congress: a bill banning most abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy, a border security bill that was pulled amid immigration concerns, and a No Child Left Behind rewrite that was put on hold during the Department of Homeland Security funding debacle...But when he was asked about a lawsuit proposed by Speaker John A. Boehner to sue President Barack Obama — again — this time over the president’s executive action on immigration, McCarthy made news for his uncertainty. 'The states have the lawsuit going right now. The president’s action is not moving forward, so,' he said, content to leave it at that." [Roll Call]

INDIANA TRIES TO UN-UNGAY ITSELF - "Hey, look over there! Michael Jackson's childhood home! It was so poor! ...wait." Amanda Terkel: "The state of Indiana has hired a global public relations firm to help rebuild its image in the wake of national criticism that state politicians were hostile to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. The Indiana Economic Development Corporation, which leads the state's efforts to attract and retain businesses, has retained Porter Novelli for an undisclosed sum. The firm's task is to brand Indiana 'as a welcoming place to live, visit and do business.' 'Now more than ever, we want to remind the world that Hoosiers welcome everyone and that Indiana is a great place for individuals, entrepreneurs and businesses to reach their full potential,' said Indiana Secretary of Commerce Victor Smith, who leads the IEDC. 'That's why we are moving forward with this initiative together.'" [HuffPost]

NERRRRRRD FIIIIIIIIGHT! - Little known fact: Vox actually lifted most of its charts from Marvin Gaye’s “Got to Give It Up.” Politico: "FiveThirtyEight founder and statistics guru Nate Silver has accused Ezra Klein's Vox.com of stealing other people's charts without attribution. 'Yo, @voxdotcom: Y'all should probably stop stealing people's charts without proper attribution," he tweeted Monday. 'You do this all the time, to 538 & others.' Silver wasn't alone: Anthony De Rosa, the editor-in-chief at Circa, a mobile news app, joined the fray, claiming that he'd reached out to Vox.com content director Max Fisher 'about this about dozen times and he never responds.'" [Politico]

Klein responds.

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Here's a puppy playing with a tiny pig.

AWFUL HILLARY MUSICIANS ARE BACK - Paul McClure is Prince in dad jeans. National Journal: "The name Paul McClure may not be familiar to many political junkies, but his face likely is. He is the man behind 'Hillary in the House,' a song he wrote during the 2008 presidential campaign, which went somewhat viral in political circles. McClure made three videos for the song, but the most popular video shows McClure belting out 'Hillary in the House' alongside a group of Clinton volunteers in San Antonio…McClure is planning a reboot of 'Hillary in the House' for 2016. (You can also find the 'Club Mix' version of the song on Spotify.) He envisions the new version with a barbershop-quartet-style introduction, which he regaled this reporter with during a phone interview. He says most of the lyrics from the original version will remain the same, except '2008' will be replaced with, 'Like Tony the Tiger, she'll be grrreat!'" [National Journal]


- Cat playing with the world's best most annoying cat toy.

- The year's best curling shot.

- If "Game of Thrones" were Coachella.


@Olivianuzzai: A source confirms the possibilities are endless but one way or another, there will be an election. Someone will win.

@SimonMaloy: does Marco Rubio own a boat?

and did he name his boat Barco Rubio?

and if not why not?

@kibblesmith: Nice try "Marco Rubio" — or should I say...

[rearranges letters]


[audience gasps]

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