HUFFPOST HILL - Jeb Bush Kisses Baby, Signs Autograph, Pulls Plug On Your Grandmother

HuffPost Hill turns five this weekend, meaning Boehner might finally put us on appropriations. Marco Rubio’s healthcare program only covers 80 people, but to be fair, that doesn’t include all the patients in gay conversion therapy. And James Carville filmed a pilot for a TV courtroom program titled “Carville’s Court.” Here’s hoping someone will pick up John Podesta’s cooking pilot, “We Could Really Use Your Support Senator, Now, What Do You Think Of My Walnut Sauce?” This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, April 17th, 2015:

HUZZAH: HUFFPOST HILL TURNS FIVE - Sunday, April 19th is the fifth anniversary of us inexplicably not launching on 4/20 (We were young and stupid, and we apologize). For whatever reason, this compendium of granular political news and cat videos has done quite well, and we're grateful to each and every one... *most*... *a healthy portion* of our 100,000-ish readers: Carl Hulse and his fixation on our quip about a Five Guys-catered fundraiser ("evacuate your wallet and your bowels"); the House staffer who writes us a pissy note every time we refer to his place of work as "the Lower Chamber;" and, of course, the Paranoid Self-Loathing GOP Lobbyist, who is currently constructing a system of pneumatic tubes in his underground panic room to have his American Banker subscription delivered from the outside world. Thanks to Ryan Grim and Nico Pitney for conceiving of HuffPost Hill; to Arthur, for providing a keen editorial eye and bottomless well of depressing stories about the economically downtrodden; to Arianna, who got me a cake one time; and to all of my HuffPost colleagues. HPH is now only a tiny barnacle on the good ship Huffington Post, so rather than bloviate further, I'm just going to steal a "Huffington Post"-branded mug from the kitchen and go home early. See you Monday. - Eliot

One last bloviation: Washingtonian Magazine published an article about our 5th birthday

JEB BUSH LOVES DEATH PANELS - The important thing is that his proposal is a market-based solution to throwing old people off cliffs. Maggie Haberman: "Jeb Bush, defending his efforts to keep alive Terri Schiavo, a brain-damaged woman, when he was governor of Florida, suggested on Friday that patients on Medicare should be required to sign advance directives dictating their care if they become incapacitated. A similar proposal by President Obama -- that doctors should be paid to advise patients on end-of-life decisions -- became a political firestorm in 2009, when Sarah Palin, the former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate, claimed that the legislation would give bureaucrats the power to decide if some frail or disabled people were deserving of medical care. The assertion was shown to be false." [NYT]

LYNCH NOMINATION: OBAMA CAN'T EVEN - "Put her in place. Let her do her job. This is embarrassing, a process like this," is also what we mutter to ourselves while waiting in line at CVS and several of the cash registers are unmanned. Jen Bendery: "President Barack Obama said Friday that Senate dysfunction has hit a new low with Republicans' continued delays in confirming U.S. attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch, who has waited more than five months for a vote. 'Call Loretta Lynch for a vote. Get her confirmed. Put her in place. Let her do her job. This is embarrassing, a process like this,' Obama said during a White House press conference. Lynch, who is currently the U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of New York, has been waiting since November to be confirmed. Republican leaders recently tied her confirmation to passage of an unrelated sex trafficking bill that's hit a snag. As long as that bill isn't moving, neither is Lynch...Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said Thursday that he plans to bring up the trafficking bill next week, which, if it can pass, would set up Lynch for a vote afterward. There's still no deal on moving that bill forward though. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) warned Thursday that if Republicans don't schedule Lynch's vote soon, he'll use procedural maneuvers to force a vote." [HuffPost]

Oh man, this: "Asked Thursday if he had heard any concerns from constituents about the delay in Lynch’s nomination when he was back in his home state, Graham said: 'The only thing I heard was people wanting me to vote against her.'" [The Hill]

INSTANT CLASSIC CHRIS DODD LETTER - Lion of the Senate. Lee Fang: "On January 28, 2014, Dodd emailed executives from major motion picture studios to share two news articles. One revealed that Google had shifted its campaign donation strategy, giving more to Republican lawmakers, and another projected that the GOP would likely perform well in the midterm elections that year. The articles, Dodd wrote, 'underscore the point I’ve been trying to make, which I’m sure you all understand -- while loyalty to a person and/or party is admirable, we also need to be smarter about being supportive of those who are and will be in positions to make decisions that affect this industry.'" [Firstlook.org]

Remember when Chris Dodd said he wouldn't become a lobbyist? That was not a very strategic thing for him to say.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - We thought people were too mean about Gwyneth Paltrow's food stamp challenge until she unveiled her absurdly dainty food stamp recipes. Get a load of the instructions for brown rice, kale, and roasted sweet potato saute: "Add the zest of two limes, the juice of one lime, and the chopped cilantro. Toss everything together, divide between four plates, and top each plate with a poached egg." That's yummy and all, but not very economical, you know?

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DOJ LAWYERS TRYING TO LIFT STAY ON EXECUTIVE IMMIGRATION ACTION - This way, all the undocumented immigrants can return from their home countries, where they immediately self-deported to after the order was blocked. David Nakamura: "The Obama administration on Friday urged a federal appeals court to lift a lower court ruling that has blocked the government from implementing the president’s executive actions to shield undocumented immigrants from deportation and to grant them work permits. In a rare oral argument before a three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit, Justice Department lawyers argued that a federal judge in Texas erred in February when he halted President Obama’s deferred-action program as he deliberates over a lawsuit filed by 26 states. 'The district court decision was wrong as a matter of law,' said Benjamin Mizer, the lead attorney for the Justice Department on the case. The Obama administration has appealed Judge Andrew Hanen’s injunction and is asking the appeals panel to stay the order, in hopes that federal agencies can begin enrolling immigrants in the broader deferred-action program." [WaPo]

RUBIOCARE SAVING LITERALLY TENS OF LIVES - "Nurse, get me 50 CCs of womp womp, STAT!" Rachana Pradhan: "In 2008, while Democrats were declaring that the time was right for national health care reform, Marco Rubio, the speaker of the Florida House, had a ready response: Florida should build a market-based system that would help contain the cost of insurance and make it more available. Rubio pushed his no-mandate health insurance exchange, dubbed Florida Health Choices, through the state Legislature that year. 'It’s about competition, it’s about choice, and it’s about the marketplace,' he told The Palm Beach Post at the time. Florida Health Choices, which finally opened last year, now covers 80 people. Obamacare, which Rubio wants to repeal, covers 1.6 million in Florida alone. And 93 percent of them are subsidized...critics say the struggles of the Florida plan illustrate the vast hurdles that Rubio and other Republican presidential candidates would face in seeking to replace Obamacare with a market-oriented plan — their usual answer to how they would cover the millions of people now insured under the Affordable Care Act. The Florida plan may be voluntary. It may be an easy way to shop online, either for health insurance or smaller dental or vision policies. But it doesn’t subsidize low-income or middle-class families the way Obamacare does." [Politico]

Huge pick-up in Nevada

2016 HOPEFULS TRAVEL TO NEW HAMPSHIRE TO SAY THINGS ABOUT SEATBELTS, TAXES - And drink Smuttynose in front of people with cameras. Jonathan Martin: "[W]ith less than 10 months until votes are cast in the Granite State, some of the candidates are feeling more urgency than others to stand out during their allotted 30 minutes at the New Hampshire Republican State Committee’s 'First in the Nation' forum. Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey, who has signaled that he intends to stake his hopes on success in New Hampshire, will be among the most closely watched attendees...For the three first-term senators in the race — Ted Cruz of Texas, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Marco Rubio of Florida, each of whom formally began his campaign in the past month — the gathering provides a chance to build on the momentum they have generated so far. A well-received showing could cement them as front-rank candidates, earning them a greater share of news media attention and, quite possibly, a lift in the polls and with fund-raising." [NYT]

The Hillary frankenthinkpiece: Jason Linkins created a composite Hillary essay comprised entirely of other Hillary thinkpieces. [HuffPost]

ORDER IN THE COURT, CAJUN STYLE - Totally beat Joe Biden to the punch. Hadas Gold: "The ragin' cajun political consultant James Carville filmed a pilot for a Judge Judy-style courtroom show called 'Carville’s Court,' the On Media blog has learned. The reality show featured the former Bill Clinton campaign strategist presiding over small claims cases in New Orleans and issuing both legal rulings and moral advice. In a pilot episode, Judge Carville rules that a man owed $3,800 to a woman for failing to adequately decal her car in Betty-Boop paraphernalia. In another case, Carville denies a woman's request for $1,000 from injuries sustained while she and her future sister-in-law were drunk on a rafting trip." [Politico]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Child really needs to learn the word "cat."


- Matthew McConaugheyreacts to the "Star Wars" trailer.

- Beautiful interactive site detailing the threats against 30 endangered species

- Piping hot ball of nickel burns through jawbreaker.


@elisefoley: Idea: Debate w/ only questions about weddings. “Would you go to a gay wedding? How many bridesmaids is optimal? Open bar or cash bar?"

@daveweigel: OH Run Ben Run chairman Vernon Robinson: “If you don’t have a dog in this fight, Ben Carson wants to be your dog.”

@jamespmanley: i love @HuffPostHill - despite the fact that the authors are high all the time. congrats on 5th anniversary

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