HUFFPOST HILL - The Night Is Dickish Before The Dawn

Last night’s GOP debate made us realize that compulsory voting in the United States would probably just result in write-in candidate Giant Joint winning the presidency. Donald Trump is skipping CPAC, despite his tailor-made conservative message, “I support abortion rights … actually, no I don’t … actually, yes I do … actually, no I don’t … actually, never mind all that; I have a huge penis.” And President Obama confirmed that his family will live in Washington until his daughter Sasha finishes high school, though he didn’t specify whether he or Michelle will be tasked with leaving work early to put their name in at Rose’s Luxury. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, March 4th, 2016:

#OKMAYBETRUMP - This idea that Trump supporters are out of sync with the Republican Party doesn't exactly stand up to much scrutiny. Ariel Edwards-Levy: "Donald Trump's Republican presidential rivals have been vocal about his shortcomings -- Sen. Marco Rubio's campaign is even selling #NeverTrump merchandise. But, when pressed by a moderator at Thursday night's debate, they all pledged to support Trump should he become the party's nominee. GOP voters, new polling suggests, may end up coming to the same conclusion." [HuffPost]

TRUMP BAILS ON CPAC, CPAC KIND OF OKAY WITH THAT - Trump probably not getting many supporters at the Christian Singles booth, anyway. Julia Craven, Sam Levine and Tyler Tines: "GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump announced Friday that he would cancel his appearance the following day at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference, a decision that drew angry reactions from a Republican base that is skeptical of the real estate mogul's conservative bona fides…One enthusiastic man decked out in Revolutionary gear yelled at Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-Texas), who was standing nearby, 'We stopped Trump from coming tomorrow!' Gohmert and the gentleman then bumped fists. In lieu of Trump's appearance at CPAC, which is held just outside of Washington, D.C., at the Gaylord National Harbor Hotel and convention space, his campaign will make stops in Kansas, which is holding its caucus on Saturday, and Florida, which holds its primary on March 15. In its announcement Friday, the Trump campaign noted that Trump himself had attended CPAC for "many consecutive years," and said he "looks forward to returning next year, hopefully as president of the United States." The statement also made a reference to "Witchita, Kanasas [sic and sic]," Trump's next stop." [HuffPost]

Heard at CPAC: "I speak better Spanish than some of the people coming across [from Mexico]” - Louie Gohmert

CONSERVATIVE MILLENNIALS TERRIFIED OF DONALD TRUMP - From Eliot's dispatch: "That anxiety and confusion may not have been evident ... But it was there... asked who they would support in the event of a Donald Trump nomination, reactions were more varied, though most insisted they couldn't bring themselves to vote for the former 'Apprentice' host…'I would write in 'Jesus,'' speculated Tavia Vitkauskas, also a freshman at Hillsdale College. 'There'd be no hope, it'd be over.' 'I'd probably either vote for the Constitution Party," Josh from San Diego said, "or write in somebody cool like my dad.'" [HuffPost]

CPAC attendees weren't nuts about Trump's penis, either.

CLINTON FEELS THAT KANSAS AND NEBRASKA FEEL THE BERN - Ahead of this weekend's Democratic primary contests in the two midwest states, Hillary Clinton's people pretty much said they're going to lose them, but feel good about Louisiana. Amanda Terkel: "Robby Mook, campaign manager for Hillary Clinton, sent out a memo Wednesday that predicted the former secretary of state may lose the caucus states this weekend. '[A]lthough we continue to fight for every vote, Sen. Sanders has clear advantages and is investing heavily in two upcoming caucuses (Nebraska and Kansas),' Mook wrote." [HuffPost]

Sadly for Clinton, she's already lost the Jim Webb primary to...Donald Trump?

Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It's free! Sign up here. Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to huffposthill@huffingtonpost.com. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill

MEANWHILE, THE WORLD IS ON FIRE - While you've been busy fantasizing about what's inside Donald Trump's underwear, actual stuff was taking place. Laura Bassett: "As Trump, the likely Republican nominee, assured the American people that there was, in fact, 'no problem' with the size of his package, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un made a nuclear bomb threat against the U.S. and South Korea. Kim said the country's 'nuclear warheads need to be ready for use at any time,' responding angrily to recent United Nations sanctions intended to cripple North Korea's nuclear program." There's more of that kind of stuff in this article. [HuffPost]

TRUMP TO ORDER THE CLASSIEST WAR CRIMES - Just really fantastic breaches of mankind's shared humanity. Mike McAuliff: "It's not often that people admit to an audience of millions that they intend to break the law, but Donald Trump insisted in Thursday night's Republican presidential debate that he would force American soldiers to commit war crimes. The Republican presidential front-runner has said before that he would order waterboarding and worse for terrorism suspects, and that he would kill the families of terrorists -- acts that violate U.S. and international law. His policies prompted nearly 100 Republican foreign policy experts to sign an open letter saying Tump's stance was inexcusable. But asked how he would make the military carry out illegal orders to kill and torture people, Trump doubled down. 'They won't refuse. They're not going to refuse me. Believe me,' Trump said. That prompted Fox News moderator Brett Baier to protest: 'But they're illegal.'" [HuffPost]

HEAL. INSPIRE. REVIVE. FLEECE. - "An Associated Press review of [Ben Carson's] campaign finance filings show Carson's campaign is an extreme example of the big-money business of presidential politics. His campaign burned through the millions he raised by spending more on fundraising and consultants than on mass media advertising, on-the-ground employees and other things that could have swayed voters, the filings show. Over the past week, the candidate himself, a soft-spoken retired Baltimore neurosurgeon, has wondered aloud whether his campaign aides took advantage of him, even saying he was disappointed in himself for trusting some people around him 'without really vetting them carefully.' … All told, the Carson campaign turned over at least one-quarter of the money it raised — $16 million — to fundraising and marketing firms owned by a pair of his top consultants, Mike Murray and Ken Dawson. By contrast, the Carson campaign's payroll for nine months cost less than $700,000, finance documents show, and the campaign spent less than $600,000 on television and radio advertising during the month that voting has taken place, according to advertising tracker Kantar Media's Campaign Media Analysis Group." [AP]

Carson himself, however, already has a plan to separate Christians from their money.

Womp wommmmmp: " Until he dropped out on Wednesday, Ben Carson’s lingering presence in the presidential race despite widespread voter rejection generated speculation that the retired neurosurgeon had launched a campaign to build his personal notoriety and boost sales of his popular books. Carson has denied the charge. And a review of sales data by the Globe indicates it may be time to take Carson at his word. Although Carson saw strong book sales during his peak popularity in October, his sales — like his poll numbers — have since plunged, according to data from Nielsen." [Boston Globe]

JOHN KASICH WOULD LIKE SOME ATTENTION, PLEASE - Fiendish operator John Kasich is looking ahead to stealing the nomination from Donald Trump, or something. Nolan D. McCaskill: "'I’m gonna win Ohio. And then we gonna ...,' Kasich started to say before Hannity interrupted, asking the Ohio governor if he thought there would be a brokered convention. 'I do. I do,' Kasich responded." [Politico]

IT'S RUBIO'S LAST STAND AGAIN UNTIL THE NEXT ONE - Don't forget how funny it is that Marco Rubio might lose his home state to Donald Trump. Jeremy W. Peters: "Now, Mr. Rubio, a Florida senator, is facing the possibility of a humiliating and likely campaign-ending loss in the state, where Mr. Trump leads in polls. Mr. Rubio is redirecting his time and resources to Florida, where aides say he will spend most of his time between now and the March 15 winner-take-all primary. A campaign that has played a cautious expectations-setting game is now making brash predictions, saying there is no way it will lose in Mr. Rubio’s home state. He himself left no room for error, declaring Wednesday, 'We will win in Florida.'" Bold! [WashPost]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Here's a dog and an otter.

OBAMA GOES FULL WASHINGTON - "After years of speculation, President Obama confirmed on Thursday that he and his wife, Michelle, intend to remain in Washington for “a couple of years” after his term ends. It has been decades since a president stayed in the capital after leaving office. But Mr. Obama said during a visit here that 'we’re going to have to stay' in Washington until his younger daughter, Sasha, finishes school. 'Transferring someone in the middle of high school -- tough,' the president said in response to a question from a woman at a restaurant here. Sasha is on track to graduate from the exclusive Sidwell Friends School in the spring of 2019. Mr. Obama said he was unsure where the family would move after that." [NYT]


- A look inside Switzerland's mint.

- A Donald Trump makeup tutorial.

- A supercut of movie last lines.


@mepfuller: If my liberal arts education serves me right, the 2016 race is what we call a "fabliau."

It prob ends with Trump farting in someone's face.

@GlennThrush: One of the greatest staffing decisions of all time: Who plays Trump in Hillary's debate prep?

Got something to add? Send tips/quotes/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to Eliot Nelson (eliot@huffingtonpost.com) or Arthur Delaney (arthur@huffingtonpost.com). Follow us on Twitter @HuffPostHill (twitter.com/HuffPostHill). Sign up here: http://huff.to/an2k2e