HUFFPOST HILL - Swag Bags, Little Cups Of Ceviche Unable To Fix Washington Gridlock

Andrew Sullivan eloquently reminded America of Plato’s allegory of the Acela, in which life is all shadows and ignorance and Delaware until alighting in New York or Washington. Puerto Rico just went over its own fiscal cliff, and don’t ask us why, but we’re pretty sure this crisis ends with it being harder to get an abortion in Washington, D.C. And there was mumbling about Malia Obama's decision to attend Harvard over a less elitist institution. However if there’s one thing that can prepare a sheltered youth for the harsh and often sad realities of existence, four years in Boston is definitely it. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Monday, May 2nd, 2016:

The best thing served at a White House Correspondents Dinner party this weekend? Why, that would be a Ryan Grim fist sandwich, of course. HuffPost will be posting video of the confrontation shortly.

SANDERS VOWS CONTESTED CONVENTION, DAY OF RAGE - Amanda Terkel: "Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) vowed to take his fight for the Democratic presidential nomination all the way to the party’s convention in July, promising not to give up even if he continues to trail Hillary Clinton in pledged delegates. 'It is virtually impossible for Secretary Clinton to reach the majority of convention delegates by June 14 — that is the last day that a primary will be held — with pledged delegates alone. ... She will need superdelegates to take her over the top at the convention in Philadelphia,' he told reporters in a press conference at the National Press Club Sunday afternoon. 'In other words,' he added, 'the convention will be a contested contest.'" [HuffPost]

"8 Women Explain Why They Got Tattoos of Bernie Sanders's Face on Their Bodies"

TED CRUZ UNLEASHES CHARM ON TRUMP SUPPORTERS - Republican presidential hopeful Sen. Ted Cruz faced off with several Donald Trump supporters outside a campaign event in Marion, Indiana, on Monday, getting into a heated debate over the GOP front-runner’s record and principles. 'Donald Trump is deceiving you. He is playing you for a chump,' Cruz told the Trump supporters, noting the businessman’s previous donations to Democrats in Congress and his support for comprehensive immigration reform." [HuffPost]

Slide outta the weekend like . . .

TRUMP COULD WIND UP NEEDING THE RNC - Steve Peoples and Jill Colvin: "The Republican presidential nomination may be in his sights, yet Donald Trump has so far ignored vital preparations needed for a quick and effective transition to the general election. The New York businessman has collected little information about tens of millions of voters he needs to turn out in the fall. He's sent few people to battleground states compared with likely Democratic rival Hillary Clinton, accumulated little if any research on her, and taken no steps to build a network capable of raising the roughly $1 billion needed to run a modern-day general election campaign. Trump's early campaign efforts, fueled so far by the sheer force of his personality and free media coverage, leave him with little choice but to rely on his party's establishment allies — the Republican National Committee, above all — as the scale and scope of the 2016 contest grow exponentially." [Associated Press]

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RUBIO HOLDING TIGHT - Marc Caputo: "The de facto plan, Rubio’s backers say, is designed to help Cruz. It also, however, protects Rubio's political future, including if he decides to make another run for the White House. Immediately after Rubio dropped out of the presidential contest following his home state loss March 15, the Florida senator told supporters he would endorse Cruz under two conditions: if the Texas senator wanted the endorsement and if it would make a difference. But Rubio came to believe that neither Cruz nor he would really gain from an endorsement so far… 'Marco has significant political capital: his delegates, the delegates he won and those delegates who would show up at the convention and, when unbound from another candidate, would listen to what Rubio would say,' said one Rubio insider … At a contested convention, Rubio would likely win a prime speaking slot as well, reinforcing his importance as a political player in national GOP politics." [Politico]

Thanks to the Bobblehead Hall of Fame for sending us these 2016 bobbleheads.

TRUMP DEFENDED 'VICTIM' BILL CLINTON FROM 'UNATTRACTIVE' WOMEN - Gideon Resnick: "Donald Trump plans to make former President Bill Clinton’s sexual history come back to haunt him by labelling him as an 'abuser' of women. Yet nearly two decades ago, Trump verbally abused the very people he purports to defend -- and even suggested Clinton was a 'victim.' During an August 1998 appearance on Fox News, the real-estate mogul was asked about then-President Clinton’s multiple alleged extramarital affairs and sexual harassment cases. Trump proceeded to rail against the Clinton accusers. 'The whole thing, it's just so unattractive,' the orange-hued demagogue told host Neil Cavuto, according to transcripts. “Linda Tripp maybe one of the most unattractive human beings I've ever seen -- not women, human beings. She's just an unattractive person. This [Lucianne] Goldberg person, her agent or whatever she is, is just a terrible woman. You look at Paula Jones, I mean the whole cast of characters.'" [TheDailyBeast]

VIRGINIA REPUBLICANS LOOKING TO RE-PUNISH FELONS - It's not so much that we oppose disenfranchising people convicted of felonies, so much as we support disenfranchising even more people (anyone who thinks it's OK to hang framed, teal-colored quotes on their bathroom wall, for example, shouldn't be trusted with anything). Zachary Roth: "Virginia Republicans said Monday they're planning to challenge Gov. Terry McAuliffe's recent executive order that restored the right to vote to more than 200,000 former felons in perhaps the most pivotal state in the presidential race. GOP leaders in the state legislature announced that they've hired Charles Cooper, a former Justice Department official in the Reagan administration, to lead the effort. They said McAuliffe's order exceeded the governor's constitutional powers." [NBC News]


HEIDI CRUZ DOESN'T FLATLY DENY THAT HER HUSBAND IS THE ZODIAC KILLER - You can't spell "Heidi Cruz" without "Hide Z." Stay Woke. Hunter Walker: "Heidi Cruz knows her husband, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tx.) is not the Zodiac Killer, no matter what people online say. Heidi spent Monday morning traveling across Indiana in support of her husband’s presidential campaign. At a cafe in Carmel, Yahoo News asked for her reaction to a series of jokes Comedy Central host Larry Wilmore made at the White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday night where he repeatedly called her husband “the Zodiac Killer.” 'Well, I’ve been married to him for 15 years and I know pretty well who he is, so it doesn’t bother me at all. There’s a lot of garbage out there,' Heidi said. [Yahoo News]

Today's hate read: Andrew Sullivan once read The Republic, later attended a Washington Christmas party and is now convinced the only thing that can save our democracy is Tammy Haddad's brunch. [NYMag]

JEB BUSH NOT A HANDYMAN, UNABLE TO FIX THINGS - Sam Stein and Jason Cherkis: "In an alternate universe, Jeb Bush would currently be preparing for the most trying half year of his life. The former governor of Florida was the favorite to be the Republican nominee for president. But his strengths — a famous last name, deep pocketed donors, and a well-regarded brand of thoughtful conservatism — were overwhelmed by other factors. It wasn’t just a bombastic billionaire who seemed hell-bent on humiliating Jeb at every turn. It was also something far simpler: his last name. 'Our whole issue was related to dynasty or this sort of tough factor,' Tim Miller, Jeb’s former communications director said. 'And neither of those things are fixable.'" [HuffPost]

SUPREME COURT ACTUALLY HELPS NOT RICH PEOPLE - Cristian Farias: "The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday rejected a sweeping constitutional challenge to Seattle’s minimum wage law, in what could have been a test case for future legal attacks on similar measures across the country. In a one-line order, the justices declined to hear a case by the International Franchise Association and a group of Seattle franchisees, which had said in court papers that the city’s gradual wage increase to $15 discriminates against them in a way that violates the Constitution’s commerce clause. 'The franchise model not only allows small businesses to get started, it allows interstate consumers to see familiar trademarks and products when they cross state lines,' said the challengers in their petition to the court. 'Discrimination against franchise businesses is discrimination against interstate commerce.' The business groups had argued that Seattle’s decision to raise the minimum wage was unconstitutional because its implementation over several years treated small business differently — with those associated with franchise networks hit harder than those that choose to remain autonomous." [HuffPost]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Here's a terrifying kangaroo.

ICYMI Ted Cruz wants fish to get it on: "Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz, speaking at the state Republican Party Convention, dug into the state’s complex water policies Saturday…More than a trillion gallons of fresh water have been dumped into the Pacific Ocean 'because of a little three-inch bait fish,' Cruz said, saying the state’s environmental policies have overreached in protecting it.. 'You put up a disco ball, you play some Barry White, you let nature take its course. If you increase the population for fisheries, 20 percent, 30 percent, you ought to be able to go with sending that water on to the farms and ranches in California who need it,' Cruz said. 'That’s a win-win.'" [Sacramento Bee]


- The video skit from President Obama's WHCD speech.

- Here's a cat suffering a brain freeze.

- Why some countries drive on the right.


@studiesincrap: Why Do They Sell Blank Cassette and VHS Tapes Behind the Counter at Duane Reade?: A Six Part Investigation

@jesseberney: who wants to join my election 2016 tribute band, Bobby Night and the Basketball Rings

@MEPFuller: Insert Headline: Fed Not Raising Interest Rates

Output Headline: 21 Puppies That Literally Just Can't With These Leaked Photos Of The Fe...

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