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I Already Knew

I have learned that sometimes you feel afraid of the thunder, but sometimes you are outside dancing in it and that really has nothing to do with me.
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I already knew that you would fall asleep with the adventures of one thousand stories floating around in your mind.

I already knew that I would let you, encourage you, make you get dirty.

I already knew that you would be kind-hearted and brave; that's why I chose your dad.

I already knew that you would both have brown hair and brown eyes. So it startles me sometimes when I look at you and realize how wrong I was.

I already knew how powerful a mother's love was; my own made sure I felt it.

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I have learned that the most important gift I am giving you is how to do things for yourself.

I have learned that things get accomplished easier with giggles than struggles.

I have learned that, in a lot of the ways that are important, you are smarter than me.

I have learned how to be This Mama in This Family. Our differences are oceans and that's how it should be.

I have learned to look you in the eye, because you are always trying to look into mine.

I have learned that sometimes you feel afraid of the thunder, but sometimes you are outside dancing in it and that really has nothing to do with me.

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I can't imagine what it will be like to wrap my arms around you when you are as tall as a giant.

I can't imagine how my heart will feel on that day that yours gets broken.

I can't imagine the moment when we drive away from you.

I can't imagine watching you hold your first child when you finally realize the amount of love that is possible.

This essay originally appeared on Mamalode.