I Am an Out-and-Proud Happy Face Carved Into an Open, Pussy Sore

Picture this: A church beautifully festooned for a lovely wedding. White tulle is swathed everywhere, fragrant flowers fill the air, the wedding march plays. It is the wedding of two open sores -- oozing, pus-filled, gross, gaping sores. Happy faces have been carved into the sores. Crimson blood and yellowy pus drip and stain the purity of the environment. A pile of cow manure is at the entrance to the church. The father of one of the sores is writhing in the manure, spreading it all over his naked body.

Guests at this wedding include Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal and Ted Cruz.

Well, sort of.

The 'open sores' wedding imagery was supplied by pastor Kevin Swanson, the organizer of last week's National Religious Liberties Conference, which was attended by the three GOP presidential hopefuls.

Swanson made the comments because, he says, "I'm grieving! I'm mourning! I'm pointing out the problem."

"It's not a gay time!" he bellows. What time is it, then? Lunatic Christian time? Religious extremist time? Totally unhinged time? I can't believe this is 2015 time?

What is Swanson's source? [Lephobicus 20:13] And the Lord sayeth that, if man lies with man, then the manure of cow shall be spread on thy body at the entrance of the place of worship, for it is an abomination.

I believe this follows another prescient verse: [Lephobicus 20:12] Worship thy Lord with appropriately adorned cups at Bucks of Star Coffee during the two months before Jesus' birth.

Is our country more lunatic all of a sudden? Or is the internet helping to aggrandize and popularize the lunacy that has always been there?

Pastor Swanson, at the same conference, reminds his audience that the Old and New Testaments affirm that the sin of homosexuality should be punishable by death:

This conference, with its multiple calls for the death of homosexuals from Swanson and others, was attended by three GOP presidential candidates. One current senator, one current governor and one former governor. Our elected officials joined a "Kill the Gays" rally (as Rachel Maddow has coined it.)

Before attending the rally/conference, Senator Cruz was asked about Swanson's violent views. He chose to avert the question by denying any knowledge of Swanson's extremism.

At the rally, Cruz declared that "Any president who doesn't begin every day on his knees isn't fit to be commander-in-chief of this country." On his knees? For prayer? For a blow job?

Cruz and Swanson believe that one must believe in, and fear, their version of God in order to be fit for the presidency.

I do not fear God. I do not believe in God.

You know what I do fear? I fear ...
... nut jobs like Swanson who host rallies to promote the execution of gays
... the cruel, hysterical, intense hatred that is being promoted and cheered by the audience
... the senator and governors who attend that rally as a way to gain votes
... that death penalty for homosexuals is considered religious liberty [The conference slogan was "Freedom 2015"]

Last week, ISIS executed two Syrian gay men by throwing them off a roof in front of a crowd of onlookers. Is this what the National Religious Liberties Conference attendees have in mind? This is "Christian"?

Mr. Swanson is strikingly creative in his savagery. A smiley face carved into an open, pussey sore? Wow. That takes imagination. He also believes that America must repent for Harry Potter's homosexual mentor Dumbledore, that Girl Scout cookies are wicked and promote lesbianism and that a gay kiss led to Colorado wildfires. The man's originality and inventiveness is impressive, I'll give him that.

He says that carving happy faces into gross, pussey sores is "not a nice thing to do." You know what else is not a nice thing to do? Executing people because of twisted interpretations of an ancient book. That's not nice. Promoting hatred and intolerance to the level of lunacy. That's not nice either.

I fear you, Kevin Swanson, not God.