It seems to have become very acceptable to share "bad parent days." This got me wondering about why it isn't more common for us to share our proud parent moments just as readily? Are we scared that we will come across as boastful or too confident in our parenting role?
Why is it OK to be openly clueless"as a parent, but not openly confident? Is it all a backlash against Tiger Moms and Helicopter Parents? Whatever the case, it seems that it is not acceptable to openly strive for competence in the most important role that we will ever have.
I am far from a Tiger Mom or a Helicopter Parent, and thanks to being a Certified Parent Effectiveness Training Instructor, maybe I'll call myself an Effective Parent. The definition of an Effective Parent, according to Dr. Thomas Gordon, author of Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children, is one who Listens with Understanding, Communicates Honestly, Problem Solves Fairly and Shares Values Respectfully. Nothing to be scared of, right?
So, I want to start a new trend, sharing our proud parent moments more readily. In doing so, I hope to make it more acceptable for others to dwell a bit more on their own proud parent moments. Ultimately realizing that it is OK to work towards feeling competent and even confident in our parenting. I have worked to get to where I am today. I did not want to accept that 'clueless' was all there was. I don't mind sharing that I read many books until I found the right one or that I took a course to improve my skills as a parent. I am not a 'clueless' parent. Why would I want to accept that as the status quo?
So, here is my proud parent moment for today. It is all about sharing values respectfully and noticing when children, and in this case my teen, start to create and live their own value system.
Yesterday, my teenage daughter followed through on agreed-upon plans with a friend. She followed through despite the rest of the group deciding to do something different, which would have left one person out. It took some active listening to her problem -- she was feeling left out herself -- to get to the heart of what was going on.
As I reflected on what she shared with me, I realized that our teens are navigating these moral dilemmas all of the time. Issues with friends and fitting in are not small, they are not insignificant, nor are they petty. In these moments, our children are sharing with us how they are learning to handle the bigger things later on.
I shared my observations with my daughter. I let her know that I was proud of the way that she handled this particular situation. I acknowledged that she had followed through on what she had agreed to do and I knew that was not easy in the moment.
I am proud of my daughter and I am proud that I caught this moment.
Share your proud parent moment with us The next time that someone shares an, "I was a bad parent today," story with you, ask them to share a recent proud parent moment instead. The law of attraction works when it comes to parenting as well.
This blog originally appeared on Triangle Mom2Mom