Last week, the internet was abuzz with the story of a decade-old request made to the Pentagon for funding on research for a "gay bomb," which when dropped on the enemy would make them so gay horny for each other that they would just stop heterosexual fighting and start gay kissing all over the place.
But an article on the ABC News site today indicates that the military-industrial research industry does more than just make enemy combatants into the world's fiercest Bobbies Trendy. Funding has also been granted for development of weaponized sharks, psychic teleportation, and the most Dungeons and Dragons bullshit of them all, "shoot-through, invisible, one-way, self-healing shields." That is so many hit points.
This may sound like so much craziness and whimsy, but as Max always says, "everything is impossible until it isn't," (and then Gabe says, "shut up, Max.") But, like, remember how we never thought dragons could be tamed? And now everybody rides a dragon to work. (lame).
Anyway, here are a few weapons we think the army should start developing, since apparently they have more money than Donald Trump pretends to have.
- Piranha gas that when inhaled turns into a piranha in your lungs with a hunger for lung meat