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I Failed at My Cleanse

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On January 11th, 2016 I vowed to:


What?!?! Yes, I did. I declared it on Facebook.

I had been eating like a garbage disposal from the holidays. I was a healthy eater who was an almost vegan. But the winter weather always has me wanting to stay in my pj's (I work from home) and eat snacks. Lots of a whole bag. I was seriously eating a whole bag of the beans chips at a time because let's be honest...there is like two bowls worth in them. Plus, my rationale was they are healthy and have protein in them. I'm good, aren't I?

I started the cleanse strong. I wanted a clear head, so this included not having my glass of wine (okay two). Yes, people thought I lost my mind, while the wellness folk applauded. I noticed this cleanse made me bitchy. Which yes, Captain Obvious, it would if you cut out all sugar. I still had a half a banana in my protein shake. I hated food at times because I was being too restrictive in my mind. I realized I had cut out most sugar except my happy juice (wine) pre-cleanse anyway.

The night before Winter Storm Jonas caused some stress which led to a snack pack bag of the orange snacks. I won't name names, but those vibrant colored sticks leave your fingers coated. And I had wine. I was just like F&^% it tonight. In my defense, I lasted 11 days. I was almost back on the wagon the next day even though we had major flooding.

Still trying to be "good" I ate a lot of avocados. I contemplated low carb again, but cutting out eggs and cheese was going to limit me to not many options. I wanted to get back into summer ready shape and lose a few pounds. Then I read the diet of the founder of the juice bar, Moon Juice, eats and I was like...I give up. IT'S INSANELY HEALTHY! If someone would make all of it for me daily, I'd totally eat it. I do not have a personal chef so right now I feed my kids one meal and I eat another. Two meals at least, cause you know I have five kids and they are picky. If my chef hubby is home, he cooks, thank God.

I had one more bag of those orange thingies but I'm swearing them off. I sound like a hypocrite life coach failing at a cleanse, but I don't look at it like that. I went with inner guidance. I was a bulimic as a teen and overweight in my mid-twenties. I know how to diet. It's a four letter word. I teach my clients to just look at food as choices. That's way more fun. Intuitive eating, yes, I've heard of that before and going back to it.

No rules, no stories, no drama. Do what works for you, not the crowd. Yes, I will still drink green juices and good quality foods. I like the way I feel that way. I'm going to back to my basics. Self-love diet is my thing. Going back to being kind to me and eating what feels good at the time. Mindful bites that I will savor. Practicing what I preach. Sometimes we have to relearn what we thought we knew to feel it deeper.

I will not eat in judgement. I will not eat guilt. I will not eat shame. I will eat good thoughts instead. I will cleanse my mindset and that is the best thing for my body.