I recently came across an article on this lady. Her son passed away, but even with his passing, she still has to pay on his debt? I kept reading further, and saw that a cancer patient is being sued because he is unable to pay his debt back but for medical reasons, he can’t work. Why are people this ruthless?
A woman’s son was tragically killed earlier this year, and while the balance of his federal student loan was written off no problem, but the State of New Jersey’s agency that also lent to her son told her “Your request does not meet the threshold for loan forgiveness”. While I 100% support those who seek formal education as a part of their path to the future they want to have, this system is deeply broken. We are forcing children to make financial decisions that impact themselves and their families for decades, touting it as a requirement for a great future. Not only is the premise a lie, as a college degree guarantees NOTHING and does not put you at an advantage for success in the real world, the education you receive is often not up to the standards of the year in which the education is received. 2011 concepts are being taught in 2016 classrooms every day. It’s also structured to favor the lenders to the point where even if you die your student loans will not be forgiven. Those of you who are still on the fence about going to college, I am not here to tell you to do one thing or the other (only you can make that choice) but here is the advice I give every person who asks me if college is a good idea for them: I urge you to sit down and really think about what you want to be doing with your life ten years from now. Not three, not five, TEN. Then, work backwards to build a map of what it will take to get there. Do you want to be a doctor, lawyer, or do something where a college degree is 100% required? Then go to school. If not, then take another moment to weigh the pros and cons of taking on any considerable amount of debt to go to school. A college education can be had in state schools and community colleges for much less than private schools and can save you hundreds of thousands of dollars in the long run. Don’t just go to the biggest, baddest, most expensive university because you think it will make you more valuable in the real world later. It won’t. -Pejman Ghadimi
So if I die, there is a chance that I still have to pay on student loan debt? My health situation is not an legit enough reason for them. After seeing that and the rising prices of Epipen, I now realize that money matters to these people and nothing else does. Oh Christ. I sure did get a divorce. A divorce from an unhappy situation. Now I’m happy as hell.
The 3rd grader in me would hate that I’m writing this. In fact, if you were to steal Doc Brown’s time machine, go back in time, and tell the younger version of myself that I would be extremely unhappy in college, I would give you that no way look. I wouldn’t believe it.
But doesn’t life sometimes take you on a path you don’t expect?
Growing up, I was always told that getting an college education would advance my life, and would help me get jobs and opportunities that I normally wouldn’t have a chance to be exposed to. So of course I was the excited young person so eager to start college.
During my very first semester, I really started to question if this was all true. For starters, why is it that we have to get into tons of debt that will take years to pay back to get a degree? College is not cheap and the costs are rising every year. Our generation is one of the most highly educated to ever exist, yet we are also in more debt than we know how to handle.
We share updates on our lives on Twitter, co-founded by college dropouts Jack Dorsey, Evan Williams and Biz Stone. Facebook, the social media network that we cannot imagine life without was co-founded by dropout Mark Zuckerberg. Apple, which is one of the most successful companies of all time (and has long lines of people waiting for their latest iPhone) was co-founded by a college dropout: Steve Jobs. I use Microsoft Word, a software made by a company that was co-founded by Bill Gates and Paul Allen, more college dropouts. I can keep going, but everything around you was built and designed by many dropouts who went against the status quo. Many of the people we admire and aspire to be like are college dropouts. The people who are currently teaching me are a good mix of high school and college dropouts who are really successful (who shall remain nameless for now. Sorry I’m not a bragging kind of person.).
Many would say well Alesha, they are the exception rather than the rule and a degree can still really help you (everything that’s helping me today I learned outside of college).
Oh really now? How so? I always ask that question when people say that a degree is an automatic saving grace.
I notice while many of my peers that are educated with jobs are doing well, I noticed several of them are highly educated yet are having a hard time finding suitable work. I even saw a few Facebook feeds saying that I’m putting in more than 40+ hours a week working 3 jobs and I’m still struggling to pay the bills and still can’t achieve the American Dream. I was always told that a job will provide health insurance, a 401(k) retirement plan, sick and vacation days. I was an typical young adult and on a path to have a career, 2.5 children, and the white picket fence. This was the typical American dream and everything I was told I should want without question. My path toward success included being middle-class college graduate with a cubical job following the path I was told would lead me to happiness and success by the generations that came before me. If this is what you want and what makes you happy, cool. I’m not trying to offend you. It’s not what I want. I’m going to share with you what I learned through others way more successful than me and what I discovered through my own research and journey.
Bombshell #1: It’s (meaning the degree) not the safe blanket or security that we were promised. So the stories I was told in my grade school and high school years had the best intentions but I was told a lot of tales. The old promise made by our current education system was that if you put in your time at college and graduate, you would be given a job as a result for your hard work. Many graduates (with some of these people being my friends) are starting to realize that they can no longer rely on their degree for a suitable work upon graduation. Even with some of the people I know with jobs, they complain about still not having enough money and being in terrifying debt. So why is it that despite doing everything right, and doing what we were told growing up, we still find ourselves in a hole that we can’t get ourselves out of? Especially awful amounts of debt.
According to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York:
“51% (1.5 million) of recent graduates were either jobless or underemployed in 2013. This is up from 47% in 2007. Yet, the number of bachelor degree-holders has increased by 38% since 2000.” Just look at this article on college debt. Or google college debt crisis.
This definitely went against everything I ever thought about college growing up. I was really surprised to learn this: I looked up an article that wanted to ask the question: What college degree will make you wealthy or rich? 32% No college degree. Wowsers.
Despite the things I’m saying here, I’m not anti-college, and I’m not trying to start a college dropout movement. I loved college my whole childhood and really do miss that innocent enthusiasm I once had. However, I do feel that pushing the traditional route of higher education as the only way to success isn’t right. College is not for everyone and one shouldn’t be made to feel like less than a person if they choose not to go (or dropout). We automatically ask high school seniors what college they are going to and give them a weird look when they say “none”, we look at them like they lost their mind. I still remember people pressuring me to death asking me what college I’m going to. We shouldn’t always assume that college is the next step for some people. What if the person isn’t interested? Should we force our children to go because of it’s what’s expected or should be start looking at each person individually to see what’s right for them? After all, one size doesn’t fit all.
I’ve been told that it’s the overall experience of college that will make you a better person. Many need college to improve their circumstances, establish life-long relationships. It provides them with skills in analyzing calculations, concepts and reasoning. Combine this with the self-esteem that will lead them to comprehend and process new ideas in their minds. It transforms their world views, opening them up to different cultures, and different ways of seeing and figuring out some of the world’s most complicated problems. OK OK OK! I will admit that I met some of the best people I’ve ever met in my life there. I do love and admire my friends (even though 3/4 of them will probably hate me and give me the silent treatment after reading this)! It was great being around people working towards the same goal. Fair enough.
However, I wasn’t sure if college was going to get me where I needed to be. For me personally, I wasn’t sure if it was worth getting deeper into debt for. I heard stories of people being in their 70’s and still paying off their college debt. It creeped me out and gave me nightmares. I even saw a recent story that said that some people think they will never be able to pay off their debt. Along with the article I saw an AJ+ video that hit it right on the head! If you want to watch it go right ahead!
As I read through the comments, many did say that education is no longer there to teach, it’s there to make money and why can’t a USA college education be free like other countries. But I did notice not so sympathetic comments such as “ I worked my way through college” “They should’ve done more research” “I do not have the debt these students have, they should’ve been smarter about it” “Nobody forced you into debt, no one forced you to go to college.” These are very true statements. However, think about how up until we saw what student debt was like, we push and continue to pressure young people to get a college degree. The influence of teachers, parents, the media and workforce pushed and influenced many just out of highschool, or still in highschool because you start looking your sophomore year. We are told as 18 year olds to get a degree because that was the “only way your ever going to get a good job”. I will be the first to admit many jobs in the workforce won’t look your way without a degree unless you have a connection (more on that later). Yes, as students who took out those loans, it’s our responsibility to pay them off. On the other hand, let’s not forget who fed them the story that they needed to if they ever were going to measure up in life and made them feel guilt that they were non contributing people worth nothing if they didn’t go to college. We were given the information that our education is our golden ticket to a better life and our degree will get us the jobs that will get us us out of college debt. Not so fast, now. In short, we all need to remember the influence we have on young people entering college and remember they often take advice from their parents and school. Unfortunately a lot of times they get the wrong advice. The students in the video and so many others like them, they did not realize the hole they are digging themselves into when they sign the dotted lines for a student loans. We all need to be careful not to judge so harshly, they were following well intentioned advice. You will notice I said “we” several times in this paragraph. I was given the same advice.
Getting an education isn’t enough in today’s economy, and the lack of a college degree isn’t what is keeping Americans from getting jobs that pay the bills. I know, because for years I was one of the underemployed: possessing a college degree, but without relevant business experience. I had to put off being in a career I love for nearly 7 long, hard years of working retail positions and clawing out enough transferable experience to leverage myself into a “real” job. And I know this is extremely common. Most of the retail workers I managed (probably close to 200 some over the years) were college graduates who couldn’t get jobs with their degrees. That waitress who brought you your lunch? Yep, she’s probably a college graduate, too. Unfortunately there is a huge gap between what college education provides and what employers need. The answer isn’t sending more people back to college: the answer is emphasizing paid internships and apprenticeships that will give entry-level workers the experience that employers need, which will make workers more employable. I see so many candidates with undergraduate degrees, graduate degrees, and multiple certificates but without corresponding marketable work experience they are just not hire-able. So yes, free college and more education sound like a great soundbite. And I get that your focus is education. But what would really help the employment situation would be for you to reach out to employers and ask what they REALLY need in an employee. My guess is a majority won’t answer with “more education.” - Abigail Krivak
We are trained to aim for straight A’s all throughout school, and when we don’t perform to this standard, we are told by family, friends, and teachers that we won’t amount to much. (Yes I was a A student ages ago I admit.) That we should get used to flipping burgers and such if we don’t perform. Ever heard THEN real life hits, and you start to realize that things don’t always go perfectly as much as we try. It can be too easy to get carried away with letting your academic grading scale define you. I’ve seen plenty of A students in my hey day become mentally paralyzed because they fell short of being “perfect” with a combination of parents punishing kids because they came home with less than perfect grades. I found out being in the real world, that again life doesnt always go perfectly and you are not graded on a A to F scale. Just read the “Why C students lead A students “ article. But to get back to my point, there is a lot of emphasis on getting a college degree, regardless if it aligns with your career aspirations or not. For those that face high expectations, difficult life circumstances, or simply struggle to flourish in formal learning settings, unfortunately that pressure is not going away anytime soon. The chances of you getting pressured to go to college is high, regardless if it’s something you want to do or not.
See, knowledge and education is attached to college. No matter how many successful dropouts I post, or how many legit reasons a person has for leaving college, there will always be additional pressure to obtain a degree. Diplomas pull major weight in society because they are seen as a way to acknowledge someone’s intelligence, work ethic and the ability to finish what they start. A degree is supposed to indicate to the world that you are not stupid. You are driven and you work hard. You are worth taking a chance on because you made the choice to invest in a college education. And dropout just doesn’t make mom and dad happy. It makes competition with the Joneses weird (I really hope you’re not into that). It puts a bad taste in people’s mouths and makes awkward conversations. “Ew you dropped out, you must be a dud”. I saw a search even that said college dropouts are losers. Damn. Alrighty then. So does that make the people on the college dropout hall of fame losers (Google it)? There is a stigma attached to dropping out to make you feel like a loser. Just like I said above, let’s not forget that we are told this: if we are ever were going to measure up in life and we are made to feel guilty that they were non contributing people worth nothing if we didn’t go to college.
If that wasn’t the case, people wouldn’t constantly be asking me “did you graduate” or “are you a professional student.” Some just assumed that I finished because I have a lot going on. The big ones are: There is no way you could have gotten corporate jobs or done some of the things you’ve done without a degree. No way. (Honestly I do not talk about where I went. I just don’t.)
Or, you are highly intelligent, you must have went to college and majored in something really difficult.
Well. Thanks!
I wasn’t happy because of reasons I won’t discuss on a public platform, but I have managed to turn my circumstances around and not let the situations turn me into a vengeful or bitter person. If I focused on how unfair I thought things were towards me, or how much support I wasn’t getting, or how much support it seemed like my college friends were getting that I felt like I wasn’t getting, I wouldn’t be experiencing many of the successes I have today. It’s really scary to think about how many opportunities would have passed me up if I kept looking at the closed door. I would definitely say I developed thick skin over these experiences; I push myself beyond my limits. I do not regret taking ownership of my financial and personal situation.
I have been offered jobs (the same type of jobs that I was working for in my major, I’ll explain below) but I will start off the next section with this: at the current moment, the reason why I found my successes is not because of a degree. I have to be honest here. I got into my first choice. I considered this place my heaven on earth as a young grade schooler. I did not plan on. But life happens and throw you curve balls. So I took out my bat and swung. And took that DeLorean and drove it 88 miles per hour down the detour path.
I keep hearing story after story from people I’ve met in entrepreneurship circles that finishing college doesn’t necessarily mean you will be better than the one who did not finish, and that adding value and getting results matters more. There are other discussions amongst my friends on why some people succeed and others don’t, regardless of intelligence. And yes the story of the smartest people they know can’t find a job and living on their parent’s couch still comes up. The strong and dominate perception still exists that college is the best or only way to run a successful business or get a job. Many don’t look at other options because it’s perceived as limiting or “what will my friends or family think if I do this differently.” I will put myself on a limb here and say this: I suspect this is the reason why I’m not backed by some of people I’ve known in my life. Because I had some experiences that changed my views on college, some people have responded by ignoring me and pretending I don’t exist. Oh well. Needless to say I’m still paying my dues. :D
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
Being successful without a degree can be done. People hate to hear me say that. It doesn’t have to be so scary, stressful or the impeding doom that everyone says it is. I see all these articles on why dropouts should return to college and all the statistics. Crickets....No one is saying that it’s easy or a route meant for everyone to take. But it can be done. The bigger question is your mind open to the possibly of believing that you can find employment or success-whether you’re a dropout or a current college student, or you already graduated with a degree you can’t use. Or if you are a graduate that can’t find work, period.
Seeing things in a different way
I remember a certain situation in particular that really changed how I saw college. Long story cut short. A source of my income was unexpectedly taken away from me (which was my main way for me to pay for college). I started to think: What if this was my real world job? What if they wanted to fire me for any reason, like a bad economy? What if I put hard work into a company just for them to throw me away like trash when they no longer need me? It really scared me to think that I could be making another company rich and filling their agenda, yet they can get rid of me at anytime for any reason.
I was thinking I never want to be in a situation so painful ever again in my life where I depend on just one source of income to sustain my current standard of living; because what if for some reason that only source is taken away and I’m caught off guard? And yes this particular situation really did catch me off guard, and it happened during Fall 2014. I did tell a few friends about it and they said it was awful. I think this really rewired how I saw college and I never saw college in the same light ever again. I went from thinking college was a lighthouse to being a place that I never wanted to go back to. I didn’t see college as job security anymore, and I definitely didn’t see a degree as something that will automatically improve my life. I started to question if a degree would provide me with what employers really need. What if I got this and I still don’t have the work qualifications and the experience they are looking for? Will I ever go back to how I felt about college in high school and my childhood? I don’t think so. Dealing with awful situations and going through back to back bad experiences made me more aware and more conscious of what I wanted in life. There’s a reason why that saying has been around for so long. My first hand experience seals the signature on my soul.
“Everybody has gone through something that has changed them in a way that they can never go back to the person they once were.”
And speaking of that:,
Bombshell #2. College Does Not Guarantee You A Job (Just like I Said Above)
Some of you may say this is bulls***, Alesha. Debate: Do you propose or expect that getting a degree should help you obtain and keep a secure job? In reality, this should be the case; that’s why we spent 10,000 to 6 figures+ getting a degree right? And this is what we were told growing up. Think about it this way: Besides college, can you think of anyone or anything that can persuade generations of people to get into thousands of dollars of debt without question? If a friend asked you to invest tens of thousands of dollars on their courses without researching what you are getting yourself into, would you automatically enroll in it the same way you enroll in college? And why is it normal to spend years being in horrific debt trying to pay back student loans? (That is what I was told, just like the people in the AJ+ video. Fortunately, my debt isn’t bad..)
2nd question (well technically 5th question). Would it piss you off that I’ve known people without degrees to beat out people with degrees (with a long list of credentials I may add)?. I was upset to find out that the material in my tech degree field was close to useless in the real world. Yikes! Friends, just so you know, the skills that got me my jobs offers were things I had to learn on my own. (Richard Brandon said it best: If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!) Along with that, I took these skills and started my own businesses. And friends, I’m no smarter than you are. I had to tell people that called me “rare”, that no I don’t consider myself rare, really. Many others are creating startups and doing the same thing. I sometimes get the vibe of “who does this youngin think she is and the nerve of her to do the things she is doing.” Hm. I will admit, it amazes me how many try to get you to conform to norms, even if those norms are the most outrageous norms in the world. I just saw the writing on the wall, and got myself out of a situation I was not happy in. If it makes you feel better, I guarantee you your college career was better than mine. Some people say I’m being too harsh on myself. Oh well. I can guarantee you that you are having more fun than me at the time of writing this. Why do I admit this? I’m embracing myself fully. I enjoy seeing people have a great time. And again, it took plenty of bad experiences for me to realize that I want my goals more than anything right now.
Update: In my original post, I said the bars, the concerts, and the “life” can wait until I accomplish more of my goals. I don’t think I would’ve gotten on the Huffington Post, have business partners, gotten cast in a tv series in as a lead role and other things if I kept dancing with the devils in college. I saw enough of the dog eat dog world there and decided to write my own fairy tale.
I recently came across a student who decided to sue their college because they haven’t been able to find a job. To sue someone because you haven’t been able to find a job is disturbing in nature and shows a sense of entitlement that’s not okay. No one owes you anything. There are many qualified people with the same or more credentials that’s been unemployed longer than you have been looking for a job with your degree. Then again, this expectation we were told growing up to get a degree to get a job may add to some of this entitlement. When I did get my offers, I did not walk into these situations thinking these people owe me anything. I found creative ways to stand out. Let’s put it this way: there are so many job applicants with steller GPAs, great attendance and killer resumes. What skills can you bring to the table? How much value can you bring to a company?
Once upon a time, ages ago a college degree may have promised us a job. We were promised that we would be rewarded for the years that we put into high school and college. But not today, a degree doesn’t guarantee you or entitle you to a job. If you have a job, and one that can pay off your college debt, consider yourself fortunate.
A third perspective to this, I have noticed that organizations do pass up the best candidates due to artificial and picky selection criteria. Look at the movie White House Down for example. At the end we all realize that he really was the best candidate for the job of protecting the president despite having a less than stellar GPA. But because of not having the right “artificial” requirements he was initially turned down. It turned out good for him at the end because be proved himself and got the job. How many times do you get this chance to prove your skills in real life? Not too often right? How many of you been passed over for a pay increase or a high powered position or didn’t get hired because a) you didn’t go to college period b) you didn’t go to the right school c) office politics was involved. People in the clique don’t like you or jealous of what you are doing. They are afraid that you will be more successful than they are. Trust me, been in the c group so many times I stopped counting.
Great news though! There is a way around it, and I can tell you personally it’s not the easiest, won’t lie! I have personally managed to navigate the waters.
I can’t even get mad when the few people that do ask me about my degree. I just know how most people see success. And how much people attack things that are new to them. The questions are getting less and less frequent now. I can’t change how people think, but I have changed myself. People in society may always stress to me about the importance of a college degree, but I also stress how important my happiness and taking my own path is to me whether that path involves getting a degree or not. I don’t compare myself to other people or try to live up to the standards they set.
Learn a skill!
When I got my job offers, or offers to join in business ventures, they didn’t ask me about my degree, GPA or what scores I marked on a test. No casting director to date has ever asked me “so what was your score on your econ test”during an audition. No companies have ever denied me ownership or president positions because of past mistakes. In my college and younger years, my mistakes were used against me, so it was refreshing to hear that mistakes should be embraced. Looking back at some of those experiences, it was unrealistic and unfair to really think I would do everything perfectly and to think I wouldn’t make any mistakes. I mean really? It’s okay for others to make mistakes but when I do all hell breaks loose? I learned quickly after that to stop worrying about whether or not we are going to fail or make mistakes because it’s okay! IT HAPPENS. It’s unavoidable; we are all going to be successful at some things and we’re going to messup at other things. The biggest vibe I received is to refuse to define ourselves by our failures and commit instead to both learning from our failures and defining ourselves by our successes. They are the ones that have been the most supportive in saying failures are great learning lessons. No one likes failing, but when it happens, why not grow from it? Again, like I said earlier, sometimes life doesn’t go as planned no matter what we do. I’m happy that I didn’t let the fear of failing and messing up keep me from trying.
My coaches, business partners and said were actually “more impressed with my creativity, ingenuity, skill and aptitude” on my resume. I have received more impressive remarks on that then I expected, which is all really humbling. And beyond the resume, I made sure to perform and add value to the companies so they don’t have to ask about my credentials. I’m not saying that to brag. I’m saying that with enough grit, perseverance, and belief anything is possible. I believe in myself. I believed in myself even for a long time in college. Even as I kept getting turned down from organizations, kicked out, and barely able to get elected for executive board positions in the 1st place. (Thank you to the few orgs that made me feel welcomed, you know who you are). While I’ve taken a few job offers for the experiences, I knew that entrepreneurship was the high way I wanted to speed on. Instead of letting politics, popularity contests and every unfair situation get me down, I evened up the odds by creating my own opportunities. I’ve been told that I have a bit of a cocky streak with a chip on my shoulder. Alright. So if not losing my confidence after some professors telling me I suck, my work is the worst they ever seen, and ignoring an advisor telling me I’ll be jobless makes me arrogant, so be it.
To the people that say that or think that. I guess you can consider me the most cockiest person with the biggest attitude ever if I don’t let mean people tear me down . It can be a cruel world out here, and it can chew you up and spit you out if you let it! I choose to focus on what I can control, not what I can’t. I will never claim to be the perfect student and that did everything right. However, I was not going to grow into the person I knew I could be by sticking around unsupportive people. Or people getting a thrill of making fun of me when I made mistakes. I figured since they didn’t like what I was bringing to the table and the situations wasn’t serving me, I let it go. In the world of entrepreneurship and entertainment, they don’t care about a college degree, they don’t care about what I did in high school. I haven’t been judged on my financial status. I haven’t been told I can’t do something because of color of my skin, my races, my gender or the skills I do or don’t have. I was always told that I should expect certain preconceived motions but that hasn’t been my journey. Just for the record I don’t sit around expecting bad things to happen, and if they do, I handle it accordingly. The irony is growing up in the education system attending grade school, high school, and especially in college, I have been stereotyped, labeled, treated unfairly, been called names (you would be surprised who actually did the name calling), told that I’m difficult because I don’t fall into a sterotypical category. I even asked a department head this: Why is sterotyping the norm here? That will catch up with you, I said. I won’t need to do anything revengeful because you will do it to yourselves. Along with some other questions. I don’t think they could process what I was asking and requesting of them. One request? I was simply asking them to stop treating me like a victim because having a victim mentality limits you.
A victim mentality suggests the idea that another person must do for you what you are unable to do for yourself; Victim mentality pushes tolerance of undesired circumstances, which eventually breaks an person’s will to change. In some cases, victims actually prefer the comfort of the familiar, choosing to keep things the way they are as opposed to the discomfort of making things better. Everyone else’s wins means my loss. Will this type of thinking help me in the long run? No. I HATED WHEN PEOPLE TREATED ME LIKE A VICTIM IN COLLEGE. I also found the insults to my intelligence highly offensive. I could not get many of them to understand that I’m not a product of any circumstances, and no I’m not an idiot. I saw exactly what they were doing.
I even suggested it’s nuts to think of bad news bears things happening to me even before a legitimate act of victimization is identified. I mentioned that there are people who thrive despite having difficult scenarios and there’s some who wither away. I didnt need them to believe in me (because they obviously didn’t haha) but I believed in me. The goals I had was undoable because in their minds, they perceived me a certain way. I was also told that I’m not as intelligent as my peers. This infuriates me, but I stopped explaining myself when people only understand from their level of perception. It’s better to show people the dreams versus trying to tell them. SO I think it’s insane that I’m supposed to magically rely on this same education system that made it a point to throw labels for a job or job security? So I flipped the switch and zagged while most of the herd zigged. My life really could have turned out a whole lot differently if I listened to the conditioning and didn’t know how to row my ship in stormy waters. I won’t lie to anyone reading this. It hasn’t always been easy. I refuse to treat people mean because things didn’t go my way. I ran a few college situations past a few people to see if it’s within my control or if it’s out of my control. And you know it’s bad when people that normally disagree with you say “I’m sorry that happened to you”. Here’s the real deal though: In college, no matter if you did something directly or not, you are seen as an adult. Not taking responsibility (even if you didn’t do it) and finger pointing makes you look immature and like an ***hole. I decided to take control of what I could and move on. All that matters is that you have the willingness to take charge of your life. The willingness to take control. The one mistake I will admit to is not telling more trusted college friends that actually supported me what the real deal was.
It wasn’t until I began to really pay attention to the information I had been gathering for a while in college that I realized something big: what if I listened to the naysayers in my life? What if I let them stop me? It’s scary to think about, and I don’t think about it.
What if I didn’t have relentless self belief in myself?
I mentioned this a little bit above but our environmental conditioning is a very powerful influence in our lives, regardless if we recognize it or not! Most kids dream BIG. They have every expectation they can do, be or have anything their heart desires! If you ask a child what they’re going to be when they grow up, they’ll tell you anything from “the President of the United States to “” to “a basketball player” or my personal favorite, “a musician.” YASSS! As adults, we play along and humor them for a while believing their fantasies to be adorable, but then what happens? As they get older, we try to instill reason into their minds telling them “that’s not realistic” or “you can’t make money doing that” or even “stop being a dreamer go to school and get a regular job like everyone else.
Major Bombshell: You see, everything in our outer world is a reflection of what’s going on in our inner world. Meaning, all of our results in life are in direct correlation to what we think, what we believe in the deepest part of our minds. We put limitations on ourselves because we don’t think we can attain or don’t believe we deserve them. Maybe someone told you that you couldn’t do something and because they told you no or you can’t, you didn’t. As I looked back on my college experiences I wondered: How in the hell did this happen and how can I even up the odds?
“One day the thought hit me like a bolt of lightning. I am as smart as any other student in this classroom, boy or girl, black or white! Instantly, my mentality changed forever. At eight years old, I realized that the color of my skin or growing up on the black side of town held no connection with my ability to succeed in school. I understood that my success in life was not about comparing myself to others or competing with them but about doing the very best that I could. I discovered that I ultimately controlled my own destiny. James E. Ward Jr.”
There is infinite power and potential in every one of us and no one on this earth could even begin to guess what we’re capable of! We have all of the knowledge, energy, potential, intellect and desire we could ever possibly need to accomplish anything we want. Everything we need is within us. We simply need to become aware of how to tap into it. We need to believe we can do it. We need to learn to not let others limits become our limits.
“For each of us, our mentality represents our personal set of lenses through which we see everything in life. Our experiences and conversations and interpretations of them are tinted by the “color” of our mental lenses. What you see through your lenses becomes “your world.” Despite what circumstances and events are in the actual world, they will always appear to be something different in “your world,” which creates a different, privatized reality just for you. James E.Ward Jr. “
The Wright brothers believed in their ability to design and build a plane that would fly. Henry Ford believed he could create a V8 engine even when his engineers told him it cannot be done. Roger Bannister ran a mile in under 4 minutes despite doctors telling him that it was physically impossible. Edmund Hilary and Sherpa Tensing Norgay reached the top of Mount Everest and safely returned after 10 previous expeditions and 13 lives were lost trying to accomplish the same feat. These people had several things in common - they believed in themselves! They refused to quit no matter the odds, and kept going even though people didn’t believe in them . Despite all of my in college difficulties, I BELIEVE IN MYSELF. I always will.
Create a job!
Let’s just say for the purpose of this paragraph I don’t have no job offers coming in. My game plan would be to: get really creative and find ways to add value to people the ways others don’t.
The world changes quickly. Over the years some jobs that were no longer needed were cut out of the picture while other jobs that we didn’t expect are now very relevant. For example, do you see Blockbuster around anymore? But you see Netflix now.
Build your network!
Knowing people in the right places has really helped me out. If you don’t get anything else out of this long article: connecting with the right people and adding value to their lives does wonders, college grad or not.
Knowing people in the right places has really helped me out. If you don’t get anything else out of this article: connecting with the right people and adding value to their lives does wonders, college grad or not.
Just had a Finding Dory moment on you.
“We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn
Get your education!
Education isn’t just an exclusive tool in the classroom. It can be formal, informal, self, online. There are plenty of resources and courses online if you did not enroll in college. Learning skills on your own isn’t rocket science.
Do not stop learning!
Keep brushing up on your skills even if you are a grad or dropout. If we are taught soccer the same way we are told to prepare for careers, imagine spending years reading about how to kick the ball or score a goal before even getting on a field. Then right after you graduate, imagine being put in a professional soccer game as a starter and told “Go get them Tiger!” Don’t stop learning and keep your skills fresh.
“Formal education will make you a living. Self education will make you a fortune.” Jim Rohn
Surprise Bombshell #3: Dropping Out (Or skipping is not for everyone). I repeat.
Dropping out or skipping is not for everyone! Shocker I would say something like that right?
I would never tell people to not go to college because I had several bad experiences there (after all, most of my friends turned out just fine). Dropping out or skipping is not for everyone.
For starters, find out what your interests are and do some research. Figure out if college aligns with your career aspirations. I did not write this to slam degrees (even though it may appear that way). It’s really to say that there are other options out there. And my journey involves me leaving something I thought I wanted my whole life! It is what it is.
I did not let not having support from most of the people that I care about stop me. It would be too easy for me to get bitter or upset because I watch the people I admire and care for support other people, but not me. It’s natural to want support and encouragement from the people around you, but this is something I did not have for the most part in college. I can tell you traveling down the road less traveled one of the prices I paid? People ignoring the hell out of me. Getting cut out of organizations 3, 4, 5, 6 times. So it was naturally easier for me to blaze my own trail and keep going no matter what. I did not want to look back on my life years later and say “I tried to fit in” or “I suppressed my dreams to be liked”. (Look at the top regrets of the dying). P.S. If you’re a person that gets/has received support at the college level especially and you take it for granted, SHAME on you, lol. Seriously. Don’t take it for granted. On the other side of the leaf, if you feel that you are not supported, I want to encourage you to keep going. With my history with organizations in general, not too long ago that was me. It took me getting cut tons of time to find the 3 organizations that made me feel welcomed.
I saw a lot of painful things in college that most people will not understand. Life is too short to live it to other people’s standards. I was deathly afraid of not living to my full potential and pulling back on my dreams just to satisfy other people. I never was a jealous type of person or one to compare my life to other people. I made my happiness and passions a priority, so I buckled down. What people are starting to see today is a result of me moving on with my life and I’ll say it again, not being bitter. It scares me how many opportunities I would have missed out on if I stayed at the college level trying to get people to support or accept me. Instead of trying to get people to like me or see value in me, I decided to start creating businesses in addition to my audition opportunities. Instead of being bitter about the college opportunities I missed (because trust me I was in the reject pile 3/4 times just to remind you ha) I decided create my own opportunities. You know create the things people want to join versus trying to get people to accept you in. After all, why impose on people that don’t see any value in you and ignore people that can help you achieve your greatest self? Huge mistake. Sticking around negativity? Huge mistake.
I even had several opportunities right now to learn how one of my unamed coach (I promised to not name drop) grew 10 businesses into the millions. This changed my life and as a result I’m able to turn around my life, apply what I’m learning and in turn I can pay it forward. If I did what everyone wanted me to do and returned to college that semester, for me personally, I would have missed major opportunities to grow personally and professionally. Sticking around the people that told me “I won’t amount to much” wouldn’t have helped me much. What it really boiled down to was getting around more people who were/are not intimidated by successes in my life and that can be supportive of what I’m doing (and I can support them as well). I have every intention to turn every unfair situation in my life and apply it in life. This also involves getting around people who isn’t intimated if you surpass them. That is REALLY important. So serious.
“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me”
Which brings up another important point. Which area would you focus on? The people that brings up every mistake you ever made and comes up with every reason in the world why you shouldn’t run an organization? Or the companies that say “Hey we believe in you and we would be honored to let you lead/take ownership in our companies. Mistakes happen and we will work it out as a team.” You tell me. It’s so true that sometimes you have to switch teams to be the star player somewhere else. The bravest thing you can do is to let go of something you can not change. Mostly the people that did support me in my life was telling me stick it out, it gets better, keep trying, keep working hard, etc. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, guys and gals. They say being strong is holding on, but sometimes strength is being brave enough to let go of something you know isn’t working. They say if you don’t like something, change it. I let go of a situation I was not happy in. I broke the crazy insanity cycle and the minute I let go of an unhappy situation, positive things started coming to me. Life has unexpected ways of working itself out.
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”
“Somethings need to be let go so others can be let in.”
So after saying all this (and on the mental side of things), IF you decide to dropout of college can you deal with the mental and emotional pain of your loved ones not supporting your decision to leave college if you end up cutting out? Can you handle falling far from grace, eating a shit sandwich, and be able to get back up and move on with your life? I can’t answer those questions for you, but it is something to think about. Just for the record, If I eat a shit sandwich, mine would have pickle on it. Yuck I don’t like pickles! Yuck. If you stay, do have a plan of getting to graduation as quick as possible?
On the technical side of things, like I just said, look at your options. A university degree is mandatory for certain career paths like STEM fields (and in some of these cases a PHD or masters) and there’s no way around it. For other career paths like entrepreneurship or creative type careers you can find ways around it. It’s a matter of if you can do the work. Just really look to see if the job or career that you are going after requires college. (If you dropped out, you will not be performing brain surgery or open heart surgery on me, sorry mates!) Trade school is another area that people over look. Some jobs may involve you going to the right tech school and getting the right certification. If you want to be the best truck driver, janitor or hair stylist you can be, you may not have to go to college at all.
I rather burn in hell before experiencing the level of pain I experienced in school. I’m a stubborn Gemini. Besides my friends, it’s a period of my life I really don’t talk about with my professional circles because it’s my way of moving on with my life. It’s one of those things where I have to forget all the bad things that happened to me to keep attracting positive life events to me. I also respect my friends and family enough not to dog out their alma mater on social media. They will never see a status saying “Look at all the awful things that happened to me while I was up there or that place sucks.” (If they don’t hate my guts after reading this, I would like to thank them in person someday for the good memories.) Plus I have many positive events happening in my life, why dwell on the pain and negativity? Guess what friends, I do have feelings and things do hurt! I decided in order to maintain and keep great things coming in life, I needed to let go of everything causing me pain and grief. There will always be people in my friend groups, no matter what I do, that will be convinced that everything I’ve done was because of some sort of degree. (I guess they get a thrill seeing me unhappy I suppose, lol.)
In 2015, I had a game plan and it’s playing out in front of my eyes. I was signed to one talent agency (now 3), I had job offers lined up and I started a few businesses (and now starting to come across several more as I write this. I get 5 to 20 business proposals to research a week. Please forgive me if it takes forever to respond to messages, I do not ignore messages on purpose). Most of my friends or family really don’t know about the businesses because I haven’t really told most of them just yet, unless they are reading this. No, im not going to wave a paycheck in their face saying “Hey I’m not really using my degree to make this money, look at me” or go out of my way to prove something. No, no, no. No. They also say the best moves are made in silence. I did tell a certain group of people I trust to not say anything (please tell me you kept your word lol). What it all boils down to is I made a game plan and when life threw me limes, I decided to make cherry and limeade. When things become difficult, I work at them. It’s all very humbling. If I run into anyone I know today, I will say I’m working on myself everyday.
P.S. So in order to reach your greatest level of success, you have to hit rock bottom. For me, I had no earthly idea that college would be my rock bottom, my dog eat dog world story. I set goals so ambitious and beyond what I’m capable of doing that most people around me didn’t believe I could do it. Disappearing and acting like I don’t exist is not believing. I think getting on the Huffington Post and seeing my results made them believers. It’s one of those situations where they doubted me upfront, and now that they see me quote in quote “doing it big” now I got their backing. What I’m doing right now is great but nothing compared to what I see in the future. They think I already made it, but to be honest, as I’m updating this in September of 2016, I’m just getting started.
I felt the burn of losing out on successes in college. I do keep this in mind: even though I found myself in the middle of the the failure of my life so far, my greatest success lies ahead, somewhere in my future. I believe in myself.
So hey there! I’m Alesha. I’m an actress, model and musician that has ownership in several companies worldwide. Life rewards me with new hellos everyday.
So. I would love discussions in the comments. Any positive or negative experiences with leaving college? Did you stick with it or end up going back to finish?
Grads! How did finishing college impact your life?
Ideas on dealing with college debt?
On you are not in college debt, how you get out of it?
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