It was the end of the month.
Where had this month gone? Where had my montly goals gone? Get back to running a nice swift 5k without feeling like I was dying, sign three perfect clients to my (then) tailored 6 month coaching package, hit five figures, find an agent for my book. I sat and looked at my goals. NONE OF THEM were achieved. What had I actually done toward them? EVERYTHING! But... I didn't remember what, I just remembered that the month was busy, somehow. There were plenty of things I know I didn't do and 'should' have, but there had been 'no time', right?
As I sat there, computer open, coffee brewed, ready to start another day, I realised that I wasn't happy. I was working for myself, I was writing my books, I had been working with amazing people. WHY wasn't I happy? This was what I wanted, right? A little voice inside said "you wouldn't have been any happier if you'd achieved those goals, either". So what was going on? Last year, twenty fifteen, was not the year it was 'supposed' to have been. This year, twenty sixteen has been loads better in so many ways, but still... half-way through twenty fifteen to half way through twenty sixteen was my first full year in business, and a black and white appraisal of it would tell a normal, sane person that it was time to get a day job (you may see me struggle, but you WILL NEVER see me quit and I will always overcome).
HOWEVER, SO WHAT?
There is ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME in going after your goals and dreams and NOT achieving them YET. How many businesses are makin' five figures per month right out of the gate? A few, yes of course, and that is wonderful and I am now invested in doing just that myself. But so what if you're NOT? What if you're making enough to cover your expenses? What if you're making enough to go for a long walk each morning, while everyone else is gridlocked in traffic heading to jobs they loathe, to the local coffee shop for a latte? If you take money right out of the equation, are you any less of a person? No of course not. This was essentially the conversation I had with myself.
But, I wasn't going to figure it out just sitting there thinking about it. I got busy finding out what had REALLY happened over the past year. One of the things I did extremely well? I logged the absolute &*^%* out of it. I had a personal journal and a business journal. Multiple of each, actually. So I began a no-holds-barred investigation on what I did before and after my successes, and what I did before and after my failures. I investigated when I felt truly happy, and what I did before and after those times of true happiness.. and when I felt down, too.
I focused on a revolution for myself. A completely non-judgemental recalibration of understanding what works FOR ME and what doesn't work FOR ME. An overhaul.
I'm not quite sure why I was surprised at what I found.
Because the answer to ALL of the questions I'd been asking, was LOVE.
The non-judgemental and accepting way with which I had approached my self to find out what I needed, both physically and emotionally, was actually unconditionally loving. In the process of doing my overhaul, I revolutionised how I THINK and FEEL about myself, and ultimately, what I believe about me.
For the month of March, I decided to do everything with love for my self. This was very new. This was not the easiest thing.
I stuck at it with a morning practice and mindfulness during the day and two things became crystal clear:
On Happiness: I can be happy in any moment if I don't judge myself and how I'm feeling.
Accepting myself just as I am, right on the spot, especially if I'm feeling angry, or sad gives me an underlying foundation of happiness that comes entirely from within and is therefore... tada!! UNCONDITIONAL.
On Business Success/Failure: If I take judgement completely out of the idea of failure, then it's very simple - if I'm not failing, I'm not improving anything.
If I am succeeding, great, I'll do more of that, but the perceived failures have no ability to pull me down because I AM PLAYING THE GAME. Accepting that if I am playing the game, then I WILL fail sometimes as I practise and get better, is so common sense and logical that I feel a bit silly even writing this.
So, what now then?! SO MANY THINGS!!!
I've written this as a personal account of my own experience but you can bet your life I'll be leading my clients through this if they want an overhaul. Your revolution CAN come from within (in fact, I'd say it really has to), and it CAN come from what you know right now.
All you need is the willingness to look at yourself within your experiences with an unopinionated eye. And, like me, you might just find that the unopinionated part IS the answer.
Mariska Anderson is a coach (although really, a better description is explorer, researcher and guide) who helps extraordinary people decide AND then get what they want, then dream even bigger and get that, too.
She can be found helping her gang of fantastic trailblazers change the world HERE ON HER WEBSITE.
You can sign up and be a part of her devilishly brilliant challenge RIGHT HERE.
She'd love to hear from you, (especially because then she wouldn't have to refer to herself in third person).