John Prine could be in big trouble.
So could Ruth B, Bob Dylan, and Joan Baez. As for Lana Del Rey and Regina Spektor, things may be a little bit more fuzzy.
If a new resolution rocketing its way through the North Carolina state legislature becomes law, these iconic pop performers will not be allowed to perform some of their best-loved songs in the state without risking jail time.
North Carolina state representative Dan Bishop, fresh off his triumphant effort to safeguard his state’s restrooms, has introduced new legislation aimed at curbing another serious threat to the righteousness and purity of the Tar Heel State.
“We’ve made some great strides,” Bishop said recently. “So I got to thinking. Sure, everyone uses the bathroom. But what else does everyone do? Well, they all listen to music. I myself enjoy some music every now and again. It’s good for the soul.”
Except when it isn’t.
Bishop had his epiphany last month when a friend was playing “Angel From Montgomery,” a classic ballad, sung by Bonnie Raitt. “I love that Bonnie Raitt song,” Bishop noted. “When my friend told me that John Prine wrote it, I wasn’t surprised. I mean, he leans pretty far over on the left, but that’s OK. It’s a free country.”
But then, his friend played the original Prine version.
“He sings it,” Bishop explains, his voice choking up with passion, “as a woman. It’s right there in the first line of the song. ‘I am an old woman.’”
Music-lover Dan Bishop changed instantly into State Rep J. Daniel Bishop. He began drafting his legislative proposal before the end of the first verse. And so HB13 was born. It mandates that anyone singing a song in the state of North Carolina must sing in the gender as stated on their birth certificate.
“I’m not saying you can’t sing about men if you’re a woman or vice versa. It only applies to first person songs,” Bishop says.
But even with that limited reach, there are some songs that might run afoul of the law. Joan Baez had a big hit covering The Band’s “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down.” When Levon Helm sang the original, there was no problem with the first line “Virgil Caine is my name…” But Baez didn’t alter those lyrics. Legal scholar Norma Paddington notes that there could be a loophole for Baez. “She might argue that ‘Virgil’ could be a woman’s name, although I personally have never met one.”
Canadian singer Ruth B will have no such leeway. Her 2015 top 25 hit “Lost Boy” would seem to be in direct violation of the proposed statute. “I am a lost boy from Neverland” sounds pretty cut and dried, Paddington says.
Most experts agree that Nobel Prize winner Bob Dylan has written way too many songs and changed the way he sings them way too many times, for anyone to really understand what voice he is singing in. But he clearly identifies himself as a “girl” in his recording of “House of the Rising Sun” and, says Bishop, that is a no-no. “Eric Burdon understood this. When the Animals recorded “House of the Rising Sun, he changed the lyrics and said he was a ‘boy.’ And that was back in the ‘60s. I think we could at least show that much decorum today.”
Of course, there are still many details to work out. When Joan Jett sings “Crimson and Clover” or Jack White sings “Jolene,” it is unclear whether the singers are crossing gender lines or merely singing as homosexuals. The same applies to Del Rey and Spektor, who both have covered Leonard Cohen’s “Chelsea Hotel Number 2.” If Bishop’s bill becomes a law, that song could set up a fascinating legal debate, in which the Supreme Court may have to ultimately decide if “giving head” suggests gender specificity.
But that’s down the road. Though Bishop thinks deviant messaging in pop songs is a problem that deserves some legislative attention, for now he just wants to clear up this gender issue. “It’s about protecting the kids of North Carolina,” he notes. “It’s about letting little Eric or Erica put on their headphones, turn up the tunes, and … just not be so confused about things.”
HB13 seems to be gliding through the North Carolina legislature, and others are taking note. When informed of the proposal, Texas State Senator Lois Kolkhorst expressed great enthusiasm. Kolkhorst, who has been drafting legislation to ensure that cows in the Lonestar State are only milked by persons identified as “female” on their birth certificates, said she wants to see a copy of Bishop’s bill. “That sounds like a damn fine idea,” she says. “Don’t even get me started on Jyoti Mishra.”
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The above news item is what we call in the parlance of the times, “satire.” Or “fake news.” Take your pick. The line barely seems to exist anymore. Basically, I just made it up. So, though grounded in fact – such as the fact that Dan Bishop is a state rep from North Carolina – I want to state for the record that I have no direct knowledge of his opinion on Bonnie Raitt’s version of “Angel From Montgomery,” or whether he has even heard the song.
