If I Don't Learn to Love Myself


I wrote this over a year ago and when I read it, it pulls me back there, back to the place of not loving most things about my physical self, because you are not what the world considers beautiful; you are not the standard. I had already known at this point that I had to learn to love myself, or I would forever be unhappy in my own skin, and though I was having more days of being better at this, I still had many days where I found fault with one thing or another, and I wanted to find a way to conquer it once and for all.

What I didn't know was that it took time to erase a lifetime of feeling inadequate, and although I hope it won't take a lifetime to undo, I had to give myself time and not rush it and take it one day at a time. I was learning to love parts of me I hadn't loved in what seemed like forever. There is no set time and no set recipe for loving oneself and everyone has a different experience with the process.

What I do know is to enjoy the journey and the new self-discoveries on your way there. Am I there completely? No, I don't know if I will ever fully be there, but I do have less days of hating everything about myself, and I do not wish I looked like other people anymore. But I still struggle with having my breasts done or doing a tummy tuck; I don't obsess about it, but I sometimes think about it.

I now accept myself and my pace and where I am in my life for what they are and enjoy the present instead of stressing about the future. Writing this poem helped me release some of that negative energy from my system and that's why I am grateful for and love writing because it allows to me vent and get anything off my chest that is bothering me.

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