If I Had Known I Wasn't Going to Marry My First Boyfriend...

Photograph of couple ripped in half
Photograph of couple ripped in half

If I had known I wasn't going to marry my first boyfriend, there are some things I would have reconsidered. Not exactly regrets, per-se, more like wisdom gained in retrospect if I had known that my first boyfriend wasn't the man I was destined to marry.

There was no real way to know. I mean there are people who actually get married before years later realizing it is not to "The One." I should be thankful. Still, it would have been nice to have had a crystal ball and done things a little differently.

I was 16 when we started dating. Although, what is dating at that age, anyway? More like, at 16 we were secretly making out, smoking weed and playing Playstation (I just watched really.) What started as a little crush eventually developed into my first (and currently only embarrassing) serious relationship.

Through the ups and the downs, it was about six years later we called it quits. Sure, people are in much longer relationships, but during those pivotal years, a relationship of that length really seems to define who you are. I came out single, nearly out of college and having no real clue who I was without him.

Fast forward another few years and here we are today. I am better, stronger, happier, and now know myself very well. I am sure he could say the same. But these are the things I would have done differently at that age knowing what I know now:

1) Don't make huge life decisions around your relationship.

Oh, we all know how it goes. High school sweethearts start getting really confused come time to talk college. Here, you've spent your time working on a relationship and for what? Now, one or both of you are going to go off to college and meet all new people.

Do that! Go to the college far away! Apply to your dream school, apply to schools in your dream state, get slutty dorm mates, and go crazy! That's what that time should be for.

I stayed local, got an apartment, moved in with my boyfriend, and went to the safety school. Again, I don't regret what I did. But if I had known love wasn't going to last a lifetime I probably would have been in California making out with a surfer dude.

2) Don't rush to move in together.

This would probably tie into number one, but I need to stress it. Don't rush to move in with your lover. There is no rush but once you're in... you're in.

3) If you do move in, each buy some furniture.

I'd recommend each buying certain things instead of going halves on everything.

Nothing pours salt on a break-up wound like fighting over whose is what. I literally have half a bedroom set right now because apparently the tall bureau meant a lot to him.

3) Definitely hold off on getting a dog.

Actually, fighting over the dog is much weirder than fighting over furniture. Do you share custody? How does this work?

Well, I kept the dog and he still lives in our old apartment. It's a real divorce-esque battle. Stand your ground!

4) Don't get a joint bank account, ever.

Normal people probably consider this a no brainer. But, yeah... I did that. We were saving for a big trip and got a savings account.

Funny story though, during a big, ridiculous fight, I knew he was going to do something stupid so I went to the ATM and took all my money out of the joint account. Low and behold he went online and transferred ALL (mine AND his) money into his own account. Joke was on him after a huge overdraft fee and a sore ego realizing I was the true fight mastermind. So yeah, no joint accounts... ever.

5) Stop taking him back.

You're young. He's an a**hole. Stop taking him back. Go find a hot drummer that makes you feel alive.