I recently lost my best friend... not in the way that is sounds (as in death) but lost them nonetheless. I have been on a personal growth journey for some time now, learning about myself and what I desire in life, how to go after it and what blocks I have mentally and emotionally that have been stopping me from achieving my desired success and one of the things that has come up over and over again for me is not being surrounded by people who understand or encourage your journey.
This friend and I have been through what feels like many lives together, we have mourned the loss of relationships, loved ones, siblings, parents and more and in every sense of the word they were my best friend for a decade.
Lately I have noticed that as I grow into my desired version of myself, my vibration is heightened and my frequency is tuned in to others around me. When I am around people who are low energy or low vibration it sucks the wind/life right out of me and brings me down to a level that is not my own. This relationship had started to feel more like it was sucking the life out of me lately than it was lifting me up or increasing my vibration.
Out of a sense of duty and respect for this person I have held on to this friendship when everything in my bones told me it was time to let go. Our relationship had changed from that of a loving friendship to one that was so one sided and not energetically matched. I started to question why I would allow someone to treat me this way when I don't have others in my life who speak to me poorly or ignore me at their convenience...
I began to really evaluate why I still considered us friends when none of the fundamentals of friendship existed in our relationship any longer. I realized that I was stuck on what had been for so long rather than seeing it for what it was now. I felt a sense of duty to this person because they had been there for me in the past in ways that no one else ever had, and I knew that they were going through a hard time in their own lives and if I could just hold on until they came back around to their old selves all would be right in my world once again..
Well that doesn't serve me or anyone with that same train of thought, when a relationship of any kind ceases to inspire, encourage, life you up or make you feel good and instead causes you hurt, pain, anger and frustration no matter the history involved it is time (and it is OK) to let it go.
When we let go of those in our lives who no longer serve our purpose (or we no longer serve theirs) we are making room for more people to walk through the door of our lives and impact us in ways we don't yet know.
I was holding so much space for this person, they took up so much of my energy thinking about them and how they were doing, feeling or acting and I started to think that it must have been something that I had done or said to make them feel like they could treat me this way.. I was spending so much time thinking about and feeling for them that I wasn't thinking about or feeling my own self, until one day I realized that it was clear that I was no longer a priority in their life, in fact I wasn't even a thought in their life any longer. We had shifted and changed so much and so gradually that I never even noticed that we weren't in the same place of friendship anymore.
Once I realized that I was in a one sided abusive relationship with my thoughts and emotions about this person I knew that it was time to let them go... 10 years is 1/3 of my life and in that time frame they had been with me through the loss of my first love, my brother and father passing, countless moves, many tears and fears and laughs. I thought that so much history would be impossible to let go of.. I was so wrong in that thought, just because moving forward they are not invited to be a part of my life doesn't take a way from the part they played in my past. We can honour something for what it was without mourning it for what it is not.
I feel so free letting go and knowing that I did and gave my best through the good times and the bad, and most importantly at the end of the day I was able to choose love... I chose to love myself enough to let go of something that no longer brought me joy or happiness.
We hold on to so much because we believe that our past belongs in our future when really each person or experience has a part to play and just because they had a leading role for many seasons doesn't mean that they belong in our feature film.
Let go of what doesn't serve you so that you can begin to truly serve yourself. Love yourself enough to acknowledge those in your life that have no place there anymore. It's ok to let go, it is freeing and necessary for us to grow and to welcome the next in line.