We were finishing up dinner and I had just laid out the kids' uniforms for the next day's sporting events when I checked in at work and saw the email from one of our editors alerting us that something was going on in Paris.
I grabbed the remote and sank to the couch.
"At least 100 presumed dead as gunmen attack on the streets in Paris."
My heart dropped. All of those people who were just going about their lives, meeting up with friends for dinner, drinks, catching a movie, watching a soccer/football game.
I simply do not understand. Why does this keep happening? Why do these terrorists have no remorse and are willing to die in order to kill other human beings? I don't understand. Isn't there something inside of them that tells them what they are doing is wrong?
We are all born innocent, correct? No one comes out of the womb wanting to kill. How is it possible to brainwash someone into thinking that killing each other is the right thing to do? How can they take pride and accountability for performing these acts? Why are they so angry and so hell bent on creating so much pain and horror?
How does killing equate to joy? How does hurting someone else bring someone to smile, to shoot a gun off in the air in some sort of victorious celebration?
A friend told me that they aren't human. But they are, right? How did they evolve into this culture where murder is rewarded?
How did they arrive at that place?
I coached my daughter's soccer team Saturday morning after the shootings and the girls were oblivious to the conflict going on in France. Their smiles and innocence grounded me.
During the game one of our players, who had been out for most of the season with a serious head injury, ran towards the goal. We are a tight knit community so everyone knew her story. When she scored a goal parents, players and coaches on both sides cheered. I consider it a highlight in my coaching career.
I will never understand why the terrorists do what they do. These acts will never make sense. All we can do is continue to love and support each other, to appreciate the moments. Relish in the big joys and small.
Hold onto those pictures that are created when we come together in joy. I wonder if the terrorists would feel the same if they knew how good it feels to have your heart overflow when a little girl scores a goal and an entire field of people cheer with happiness.
If they only knew there is no better high, no better feeling than that of love.