During my last health crisis back in October I know I wasn't a pleasant patient. I was in the hospital for two weeks (which included surgery and a trip to the ICU), released for six days (which were absolute hell because part of me knew something was not right) and then re-admitted for another week. I felt like I was slowly going insane. I did not feel like I was in a hospital. It felt like I was in a prison.
It was the most my body and my mind has been through to date. If there was ever a time I was close to death this was it. I won't go into detail about why I was in there, but the experience really has me thinking about the struggle caregivers go through. In an attempt to become more of a writer, I wrote a poem to all the caregivers out there who deal with people like myself. You deserve more recognition for the things that you do.
I'm a Caregiver's Nightmare
I hate visitors
I hate the "You're gonna be fine"s
Yet I want you to be there for me
I no longer have reason or rhyme
I don't like flowers
but I'll appreciate the thought
As I sit here for hours
Watching the hospital clock
You're damned if you do
and damned if you don't
I don't want you too far
but I want to be left alone
I feel like a burden
As I sit here and cry
And I think to myself
It's my time to die
It's not your fault
that I'm in this state
but you add all my problems
Onto your already filled plate
You'll probably never get the recognition you deserve
That to me is sad and absurd
I'm a caregiver's nightmare.
Don't disagree it's the truth.
This is me giving "thanks"
for all that you do.
I know that you love me
And I love you too
But my cancer is vicious
I just hope we both pull through.