I'm a "Donald Trump Supporter" Supporter

Donald Trump vows that, as President of the United States, he will propose laws that make it easier to sue journalists who criticize him. In other words, as President, he will spend his time working on a law that will literally only help himself. It's like when George Washington tried to sneak a free Presidential foot rub into the Bill of Rights.

You're asking, "If Trump uses his position of power to bully money out of The New York Times for personal financial gain, will this improve the lives of Trump's loyal supporters?" Of course not. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. And this is why Trump is so popular with the voters. The American people are sick of politics as usual; they want a leader who will fight to uphold the Constitution and fight to dismantle the Constitution. They want a President who will finally restore some dignity to saying whatever the f*ck happens to pop into his mind at any given moment. They want someone who will make America great again, like it was in 1990 or 1850 or 1200 or when Jesus was President or, well, whatever, it doesn't really matter. That's not the point. They want Trump. I get it. And I support their passion.

Oh, some Republicans are concerned that the Grand Old Party has crapped into a Trump-led toilet bowl campaign of personal attacks, intellectual ignorance, and mean-spirited insults that have nothing to do with the job of being President of the United States. On the other hand, on Fox News' The Five, conservative host Melissa Francis called this nasty new form vitriol "refreshing." And on the February 28th episode of the show, Francis went on to say more.

"I hear people saying now that 'I wish this would return to a more civil tone and when this is over we can all get back to being nice to each other.' No- I actually don't wish for that."

Francis misunderstood; I was actually referring to sex night with my wife.

But I get it. Melissa Francis is angry for some reason. It seems like she has a pretty good life, but okay. I get it. But anger and civility are not mutually exclusive. I mean, when I watch a Justin Bieber video on YouTube, I have the maturity and self-control to hurl my computer at the wall gently. I'm angry but civil.

Soccer moms used to be an important voting block. But, as Trump's primary victories prove, those soccer moms have been replaced with restraining order dads.

And so I address this open letter to the Trump supporters- the real Americans- who don't like where this country is heading. I agree; we're becoming a nation of pussies. There's an anti-bullying campaign, directed at young victims of intimidation, called the It Gets Better project. Well, these kids are about to see the biggest political bully in the country become the President of the United States of America. Man up, wimps. It's about to get much, much worse... thank God.

Donald Trump said he loves the "poorly educated." These are the people who have come out in droves to support Trump's Presidential bid. And as he continues his win streak, I have no doubt that Trump will also declare his admiration for the barely educated, the badly educated, the wrongly educated, the irrationally angry, the drunk, the hateful, the people who watch Internet porn at work, the parents who run on the field to physically assault the referees, and the co-workers who post borderline-racist political cartoons on Facebook.

And I love you people, too. This is why I'm reaching out to you. I feel like we have a connection.

Trump said something true once. Well, twice, actually. I mean, Marco Rubio does sweat too much. But also, Trump said, "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any voters."

I believe that if Donald Trump murdered an innocent person, his followers would still support the Trump/O.J. ticket. That's loyalty- a trait that used to mean something in this country. Heck, John Kasich need only sucker punch a stranger in the face and you'd see his two-faced supporters disappear overnight. If Ben Carson tried to stab someone, I bet he'd lose all his remaining... oh, wait, he did stab someone.

Nevertheless, I offer my Trump supporter friends a few thoughts. You're angry. I get it. You're sick of establishment politics. I'm with you. You're loyal. I respect that. But there are other ways to support Donald Trump without actually electing him President.

For example, you could apply to Trump University.

Or you could send well-wishes to his family.

Or you could... well, here's a clip of Trump mocking a disabled person.

But as for the Presidential election? Eh, take my advice; vote Democrat. Yes, I know you despise the progressives. But with Hillary Clinton in the Oval Office, your life will continue to be good. And now you'll still have an excuse to be angry and outraged. And that's what this is all about, anyway. Right? Being angry makes you happy. And we all just want to be happy.

As for the rest of us, watching this political nightmare unfold and preparing for the legitimate possibility of a Donald Trump Presidency... yes, society is garbage now.