Being a parent is f*cking hard. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had, and in my 37 years I’ve had a lot of jobs, some of which I’ve been fired from. Thankfully, you can’t be fired from parenting that I know of. I do my best to be a good mom, but we are not without fault as human beings. It’s challenging to parent two children, and particularly tough when you are one person. I’m a single mom with two children under the age of 10. It’s a wonder that I have any brain left at all.
People talk about mom brain, and I want to be like, dude, you have no idea what mom brain is. You have a husband to compensate for your lack of brain. I have myself and my ability to get through the next five minutes without losing my sh*t.
I’m not bitter, I promise you. I am just an overwhelmed person who happens to have children. I adore my kids, but they have basically destroyed all semblance of memory that I ever had. I cannot remember anything. People say just make a list, write it down, put it in your calendar. Those are lovely ideas, but what if you forget to do them? Yeah, that’s not so great huh? I also have ADHD, so remembering anything is so difficult. I do utilize my Google Calendar and I do make lists... when I remember.
My memory is a f*cking joke, though. I worry about this sometimes. I have friends whose parents have had early onset Alzheimer’s disease, and that truly scares me. I certainly don’t want to die that way. I want to make sure that I do exercises to keep my memory sharp. I downloaded that app ― Luminosity, I believe it’s called. It asks the user to recall shapes and patterns and is apparently supposed to augment your memory capacity. Still, I am super scared that one day I will end up with Alzheimer’s or dementia.
People try all kinds of things to get their memories to work better. Some people use memory pills and supplements like Provasil. I’m not sure what will jolt my memory back to the way it was. I do wish things were easier and I could remember when I had a play date with Noah’s mom. I think she said something about April 8, but I could be wrong, because (like I mentioned) I cannot remember sh*t. I remember the important things like when parent/teacher conferences are, and what time school starts. I remember people’s names (mostly) and I try to focus on the kids names rather than the parents. Listen, I can only focus on so much at a time, okay? Don’t judge me.
It’s difficult being a single mom, but I know I’m doing a badass job. Listen, my kids are fed, clothed, and most importantly, they are fiercely loved. I love them with everything I have and they know that. So even if I can’t remember what the name of that MineCraft character is, they know that I adore them, and that is what counts.